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December 29, 2005
Vidya Balan about her dream man
Over tea in a drawing room that radiates the same class as its owner, Vidya unfolds in a freewheeling chat.
It is probably one of the best debuts in the last two decades, and inarguably the best in the millennium. Vidya Balan's debut performance in Parineeta was so quintessentially Bengali that it would come as a shock for most to know that the lady was raised in Mumbai's upmarket Chembur area and hails from a cultured South Indian family.
She has had a long background of ad films and even some music videos. Today, her 'fundas' are clear: she will do films that strike a chord, work at her pace, and make sure that the roles that she does do not have any touch of social regression.
Over tea in a drawing room that radiates the same class as its owner, Vidya unfolds in a freewheeling chat.
Excerpts from an interview:
Your association with Pradeep Sarkar, the director of Parineeta is like a protégé to her mentor. Did it hurt when a certain section of the press alleged an affair between you recently?
I thought that it was sick, but what can one do? Kuchh to log kahenge , logon ka kaam hai kehna . How do I explain to everyone how comfortable I have been not only with him but also his entire unit from my ad films with him to Parineeta ? I am like a family member there, and his executive producer is his wife Panchali. Do I need to say anything more?
Besides, it was Dada , which is what I call Pradeep, who insisted that I should portray the title role in his interpretation and adaptation of the Bengali classic. Vinod Chopra wanted an experienced star to do the film. Dada groomed me and prepared me for the long process of convincing Vinod (Chopra) ji .
Was modelling always a stop-over for your acting ambitions?
My ultimate aim was to act in films. Parineeta was preceded by various offers, some with really good banners and great roles. But instinctively, knowing Dada already and having worked with him, I knew that I needed someone of that caliber to launch me in the right way.
Are you a spontaneous actor or do you delve deep into the story and character?
I am inquisitive about people in general. I questioned the director and writer a lot, had long sessions with them, and even did an audio board, so that we came to know which scene was working and which wasn't. I began watching films of that period, and since I was a shade plump, I began to go to a gym, lost too much weight and had to put on some! I am not a switch-on, switch-off artiste, I need lots of inputs.
Are you the kind of actor who is going to die with her acting shoes on?
I enjoy acting to an extent that I have not thought of another profession. As an actor, whilst I am acting, I am not closed to other things, but I want to do my own thing, act on my own terms, have space and time for myself and my other interests like watching films, attending classical musical concerts, travelling a bit, and doing workshops in theater or films, if not here then abroad. I want to take one day at a time, not plan for next week, but work only to the extent that I enjoy life. If something else is supposed to happen it will. Nothing is in our hands anyway.
What are the qualities you would like in your man, when he happens?
That is very difficult to say. I have never lived by rules or criteria. The qualities I have liked in the past in various men are not necessarily what I would want in a man I marry. If you want me to sound romantic and dreamy, my man should look and carry himself like Gulzar-saab , but then I do not know him and what kind of a person he is. I only know him through his work, the way he dresses up, and his eloquence. I just think that as people you need to just get along, phir to lakh gunaah maaf hai ! Because everyone's character is decided by his circumstances, and my mom has always taught me not to be judgmental about anyone.
Would you do a regressive character if there was meat in the role?
I don't think so. I will do work that I believe in. A lot of people told me that Parineeta is regressive, because Lolita keeps waiting for her man. But marriages are made in the mind, and Lolita has the courage to live that out, because marriage is not just about donning sindoor , or any other symbolic aspect of it. Like it takes a great deal of courage to be a Mallika Sherawat. All said and done, she is progressive, because she does not have double standards, and what you see is what you get. Behind closed doors, everyone admits to her guts, in her doing something and saying that she has done it! She is not saying things for effect or photo-ops, and is neither apologetic nor hypocritical.
| Rajiv Vijayakar | Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes |
December 29, 2005 in Celebrity Talk | Permalink
Squealing on friend's husband
Can you tell a friend that her husband is not faithful to her...
A few days back a very good friend of mine (let's call her Rakhi) came to me and asked this question: "Can you tell a friend that her husband is not faithful to her..." Why did she ask such a question? Read it in her words.
"Last week I met an old friend of mine. We were in school together and shared a very warm relationship. After passing out of school we went our separate ways. She went into fashion designing and I went to an Arts college. In the beginning, we kept in touch regularly, but as you know, time and distance can change things. Slowly we drifted apart.
"About two years back, she got married. Unfortunately I was abroad then so could not attend the happy occasion. Of course, when I came back to India, I went to meet her. I met her husband for the first time, and like everybody else I too thought of them as an ideal couple. Both of them were good-looking, educated, intelligent and very much in love with each other!
"It was expected to be a fairy tale with the happy ending- 'and they lived happily ever after'! Alas, it was not to be so. After a while, I started hearing disturbing things about my friend's husband. People were talking about his extra-marital affairs. For a while I didn't pay heed to such talks. This world is full of jealous and malicious gossip-mongers and they were targeting my friend's happy life.
"Today, I am not sure whether I didn't believe the rumours, or didn't want to.
"Whatever it was, I continued believing that my friend's marital life was happy and trouble-free. But a day came when I had to face reality. I was witness to the man's infidelity first hand - and that too not just once, but time and again! He was going around with a girl from my neighbourhood. Now it was not possible to fool myself anymore. That man was cheating on his wife, my friend!
"I couldn't decide what to do. I was not sure how she would react if I went and spoke to her. So I kept quiet. To be honest, I tried to avoid her after that. A few days later, I bumped into her and she invited me home with much affection that I couldn't refuse. I went praying that her two-timing husband was not there.
"Well, he was not there physically, but he figured in my friend's conversation all along. With love, happiness, and pride she went on and on about her wonderful husband. Listening to her, one would have thought that she was not talking about an ordinary man but some demi-god. No other husband could be as loving, as caring, or as understanding!
"Before marriage and even afterwards, for a while, my friend worked for a well-known fashion store. But she had left that job. In her words, now she was a happy, content housewife who was busy taking care of her lovely home and loving husband.
"She had said with a smile: 'He doesn't like me going out to work'. Her husband's reluctance in letting her pursue her career was a sign of love, according to her. With a false smile plastered on my face, I kept on listening to her cheerful talk. Each word and gesture of hers was breaking my heart. The object of my friend's adoration, devotion was a cheat, a fraud! He was playing around when my friend was sitting at home waiting for him.
"Imagine my horror, when she said, 'I pray to God that you also find a man like my husband!' I couldn't bear to hear anymore. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream. I wanted to slap her and open her eyes to reality. Instead, I just said goodbye and walked out of her house. And hopefully out of her life."
Narrating this tale, my friend Rakhi was in tears. "I am so confused. Did I do the right thing? People say one should always be utterly frank to one's friend. In that case, I betrayed my friend. But on other side, I care too much to hurt. Here is a person who is happy with her illusions. She considers herself to be the luckiest woman in the world. Telling her the truth would mean shattering not only her illusions, but her whole world.
"If she was unmarried, then I would have been honest with her. Because then she could have made a choice. But now.....?"
After agonising over the issue for days, eventually Rakhi has decided to keep quiet. She says that the woman would learn the truth one day. "Let her be happy till that time. Why be in a hurry to invite sorrow?"
Rakhi adds: "It is even possible that the wife is aware of her husband's infidelity. She might be miserable but she doesn't want me and the whole world to know that she is defeated. She might be under the illusion that I don't know the reality. If that is the case, then why should I embarrass her by my knowledge? She has lost her love, why take away her facade and the last ounce of dignity too?"
Of course, Rakhi is not very happy about the decision but she has found justification for her action, rather inaction. Now tell me, what would you have done in a similar situation?
| Varsha Pathak | Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes |
December 29, 2005 in In Focus | Permalink
Lord of the rings
Classic rings are always in trend and can never go wrong. The setting is simple studded with diamonds.
Rings have adorned the fingers of women for ages - be it the Harappa Civilization or Mohenjodaro, they have been one of the most favourite ornaments of women. With changing trends and times the rings have taken to different shades and colours. Apart from personifying personality, it has lot of significance. It is a symbol of love and marriage. Rings are truly the lords of ornaments and they are here to rule fingers of women.
Gleaming gold
Gold rings are very popular and they have been around for ages. "Gold rings are making new fashion statements today. Internationally the design trends are distinguished, elegant and urbane with the look that is soft geometry, balanced asymmetry. The solid look is also in. The styles are retro and nostalgic re-designs," said Sanjeev Agarwal, MD - Indian Sub-continent, World Gold Council.
Bound in beauty
Bands are still making waves, especially with working women and college going students, they look elegant and they always make a fashion statement. "This season, Cartier bands are the most sought after and bands studded with diamonds can go with both ethnic and western wear."
A la mode
The popular new cuts include the Zales Diamond, which display more facets than traditional cuts to increase the stone's fire; and alternative shapes in different shapes and sizes. Young brides-to-be opt for this.
Antiquity
Antique rings are the latest to join the brigade. The trendy, yet nostalgic pieces are really popular for weddings. The vintage look and the intricate carving with floral designs used with multi colour stones make these rings very popular.
Gemstones
If you love to experiment, a gem stone ring has to be on one of your fingers. Big gemstones teamed with diamonds look very sophisticated. "Gemstone rings are creating waves amongst fashion freaks. In this category, a must- have is sapphire studded on white metal encompassed with diamonds. It is very classy," said Romin Shah, a jewellery designer. Other stones that are very popular are ruby, Neptune garden and smoky topaz.
Going solo
If you have the budget, then a solitaire is a must ring - a single diamond fixed on a silver band is just right for any occasion. "This season grooms prefer 'solitaires' for engagement or wedding rings, because they are very classy and never go out of style - and it's every woman's dream," said jewellery designer Poonam Soni.
Class apart
Classic rings are always in trend and can never go wrong. The setting is simple studded with diamonds with standard round cuts lined with baguettes. And platinum continues to be the metal of choice for a classic setting.
Daily use
Modern styles capitalize on clean, streamlined designs for cosmopolitan chic and daily- wear use. The designs are very modern yet non-messy. The trend is to have a broad base with contemporary designs that can look chic.
Mr. Kamlesh Hemdev, GhanaSingh & Sons, Hughes Road, Mumbai, says "Rings, though a matter of personal choice, are experiencing a drastic change. People now-a-days have an engagement ring and a commitment band for the engagement and the wedding respectively. Commitment bands are our signature style."
"Solitaire bands are still popular for the engagement whereas simple eternity gold or platinum bands are preferred for the wedding. Diamond rings with fancy shaped diamonds are an all time favourite for the engagement."
Neelam of Neelam's Jewellery store, Mumbai says "For engagement rings diamonds are still in - nothing can outdo the beauty of a classy diamond eternity band. People are also going in for either rose-cut diamond rings or fancy shaped stones. However, it's a very personal choice -some people just go in for a simple platinum band or a diamond eternity band and some go in for a solitaire ring - it really depends on your preference and budget."
Nalini Panday of Nalini Designs, Chennai, says, "Well, as it is said, "diamonds are a girl's best friend". They need not be very expensive but definitely add value to coloured stones and also give a classic look to the rings."
"In coloured stones, yellow, brown, pink, green and black are the stones which are being preferred these days. Lots of contemporary styles in white and yellow gold. Rings are big and cocktail ones are bigger with lots of colour. However, down South, people are a bit shy to wear rings that big."
Some Interesting Facts:
Hollyood's Rocks
| Swati Shah and Avantika Bahuguna | Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes |
December 29, 2005 in Fashion | Permalink
Couple communication
As a relationship blossoms, the couple begins to develop intimacies of communication.
As a relationship blossoms, the couple begins to develop intimacies of communication, which may be verbal or nonverbal. On the verbal level, these include shortcut expressions, key words, nicknames for self and for others and other 'pet terms' enjoyed by themselves. The two people get pleasure out of using these terms because it reassures them that they are a part of a small exclusive group. Moreover, as these nonstandard uses of language are revealed in public other people recognise the two individuals as a couple. Just as two speakers of the same foreign language are perceived as a group of two.
The language of love
In addition to verbal communication, there are important changes in overall behavioural patterns, in nonverbal communication and in body language. These are most pronounced while the couple is in the process of cohering: while they are 'falling in love'. We all recognise that being-in-love can cause even the most stable predictable, logical person to act strangely. Love has its own internal 'language'- its own way of inspiring us, of motivating us, of changing the predictable course of our behaviour. Literature is full of examples of lovers whose behaviour ranged from the bizarre to the fantastic, all because of the intense feelings of love they experienced. And from our own experiences, we probably realise the effect that being in love has upon us personally.
Love signs
Much has been written on the different signs of being-in-love. Love affects us in multiple ways. We know that it can, and usually does, have a physical effect, as well as a psychological one. Some of the physical signs include: changes in equilibrium and body language; flying sensations and mild dizziness; increased anxiety; preoccupations with fantasy, often at the expense of what is happening in the 'real world'.
Some people when they fall in love can't eat, they lose their appetites while others become absolutely gluttonous, eating as never before. Specific physical changes, in heartbeat, blood pressure, pulse, respiration and sweating have also been recorded in the presence of the one we love, or while thinking about that person.
Eye contact
There is also considerable evidence that eye contact and body language are important indicators of couplehood. To check the validity of his love scale Rubin measured the amount of time the couples spent looking at each other's eyes, since eye contact has been shown to provide a channel through which intimate feelings can be directly expressed. He invited dating couples who had previously completed the questionnaire to take part in a laboratory experiment.
While they sat across a table from one another waiting for the experiment to begin, they were observed through a one-way mirror. Rubin tested only those couples in which both partners were rated as 'strong lovers' (based on their test scores) or in which both were rated as 'weak lovers' (according to their tests). The results clearly indicated that the strong lovers made significantly more eye contact than did the weak lovers. Moreover, they were much more likely to look at one another simultaneously - to gaze romantically into each other's eyes.
Body signals
In addition to eye contact, many other forms of body language are related to the expression of liking, love and intimacy. There is a wide range of body signals that members of pairs send to each other. The term courting signal is to describe the body language messages sent out by members of the pair as feelings of intimacy begin to develop and gender signal is to differentiate between that body language which is more common to the woman. The term courting gender signals describes how each sex approaches the other. These body signals are so specific that they can actually communicate the type of relationship expected: liking, friendship or romantic love.
The most obvious gesture for a woman is the lifted hand that pushes back the hair from the face or rearranges it above the ears. It's a flirtatious gesture and it spells femininity. The equivalent in the man is the unconscious adjustment of the tie. Watch a man who has just been introduced to an attractive woman. Within the first five minutes, you can often count three or four processing gestures: touching the tie or the jacket lapels, straightening the creases in the pants....
Showing the palm of the hand is a feminine gesture, usually associated with courting, but like any courting gesture, showing the palm can also be used when sex is not involved. Qualifiers turn off the sexual implication and leave only the ' I want to be friends' impact.
The qualifiers that turn off a courting signal, that modify or contradict it, can be gestures as simple as twisting a wedding ring. Or the context of the courting gesture can alter its meaning. Watch any woman in politics as she gives a speech; chances are you'll see her show her palms to court the audience in body language.
How to interpret these signals?
We see, then, that are clear physical signs of couplehood, and that these signs help the individual and the other member of the pair understand messages that are perhaps more easily spoken without words. Cultural influences play an important part in the development of a 'language of love', by cuing us on how to translate these signals. We see this clearly demonstrated in instances where negative or ambiguous signals are interpreted in a way that promotes the feelings of love.
Coupling takes place through the social process we call dating, which we discussed above. Although we probably take dating, as a 'normal' social institution, for granted. Many, if not most, of the cultures throughout the world have no such thing. Dating exists here because it serves important social and psychological functions. Socially it is nothing short of a necessity in a society where voluntary marriage (as opposed to arranged marriage or marriage by purchase) is the norm. Psychologically, dating provides an acceptable path of interpersonal intimacy.
December 29, 2005 in Expert Advice | Permalink
Lose weight the Ruby Bhatia way
Ten tips for losing weight after the festive season
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Ruby K Bhatia is a grooming expert and conducts seminars on Personality Development throughout India. She covers topics like self-confidence, public speaking, grooming and manners. Have a question? Click here... |
Alright guys, the holidays are over and reality has set in. Put on a bit weight? Don't worry, it happens to me all the time. Here's what I do when I need to lose 4-5 kilos.
The first rule of thumb is: No butter, sugar or oil. If you read the list of ingredients of whatever you are going to eat, make sure it doesn't have any of these "enemies". Generally, if you are eating something, and it doesn't have any of these things, then you should be okay.
Eat dinner early. By doing this, you can save 25% of your daily calorie intake without even feeling it! How? At 6 or 7, we tend to feel hungry and start eating things like biscuits, samosas, sandwiches or whatever we can get our hands on. These things are completely unnecessary. After lunch, have no snacks and just go for a proper dinner at 7pm. Fill up. And you will find that you're done till bedtime!
When you eat your meals, eat in this order: a bowl of fruit first, then a bowl of salad and then dinner. Fruits and vegetables are to be taken on an empty stomach as they are digested in 20 minutes, whereas regular food takes 2 hours. Eating fruits and vegetables first not only energises you, but it also fills you up so that you eat less of the cooked stuff.
Here are some diet meal ideas that are fulfilling yet pretty harmless: steaming hot rice and daal (boiled rice with the water thrown out, and daal without tadka-add spices, chillies, dhaniya, tomatoes and ginger in the making). No oil and yet sooo good. Another option is plain hot phulkas with steamed mixed vegetables, steamed spinach, steamed methi or any type of raita (cucumber is good!). One more option is idli-sambhar. Alternate between these and you won't go hungry!
Some safe foods... munch on carrots and cucumbers. Don't peel them, however, as the vital nutrients are just under the skin. Crunchy and convenient! Other favourites: steamed or roasted corn, homemade soups, (pea soup, tomato soup, mixed carrot and capsicum soup) juices (apple, orange, sweet lime, cucumber, lauki, carrot... you decide!). All of the above are virtually no-cal and keep you full and happy.
Cabbage soup apparently has minus-calories. That means that it makes you burn more than what you are taking in. So just add cabbage soup once in the day and see the difference.
Take a one litre bottle of water and add the juice of two nimbus(Lime) to it. Put in a bit of rocksalt for taste, if you wish. Drink throughout the day. Great for energy and to ward off hunger.
Drink one litre of water as soon as you get up (without brushing). This flushes out the system and gives you a headstart on the day. Drink another two glasses before every meal to avoid overeating. Make sure you get 4-5 litres of water a day.
If you really must have something sweet or high-calorie, then eat it in the morning. That way, you can burn it off throughout the day. You'll also be more likely to stick to your diet if you allow yourself something small once in a while. But make sure it's in the morning!
Get on to a treadmill for 30 minutes every single day. But the trick is, don't make it difficult. Just walk or run at WHATEVER pace you find convenient and comfortable. Even if you are feeling low, do your 30 minutes anyway at a really slow pace (even 3 kms an hour! No problem!). But be consistent. Just put in your 30 minutes and forget about it.
And finally, be patient. Stick to this regime and you'll see the kilos fall off in 2 months!
December 29, 2005 in Expert Opinion | Permalink
December 21, 2005
Minissha Lamba - Dream guys don't exist!
In reality you may fall for a guy who would be totally opposite of your dream.
Petite, pretty and fragile as a flower is Minissha Lamba. And with her debut movie Yahaan gaining a lot of appreciation for her brilliant performance, this demure damsel is surely here to stay.
Excerpts from an interview:
Bombay Dreams
Well! I am from Delhi and my Dad is a hotelier. So, in a way I've been moving all over the country. I used to do some modelling in Delhi. I've also done a few commercials like the Cadbury's ad, which I did with Shoojit Sarkar.
It was when I was doing this ad that Shoojit came to me with Yahaan (a film on Kashmir). And when I heard the story I couldn't say no to it, as the story was mind blowing. I am here totally by chance and I hope Yahaan turns out to be good for me.
A sniper could shoot us from anywhere!
The major problems started from the fact that we never wanted to show the Kashmir, which was already seen, the gardens and the Dal Lake. It has places you haven't seen. It was a lifetime experience and also very dangerous! We would shoot without any protection because the army had warned us against shooting in daylight and as Jimmy Shergill is in an army uniform - a sniper could shoot us from anywhere!
Hence we had to do a lot impromptu shots and that too quickly and quietly so that nobody knew that we were shooting there. There were no retakes and you had to make sure that you were good at what you were doing.
I used to receive instructions on a 'walkie - talkie' hidden inside my shawl! I didn't know where the camera was but they could see me and I got instructions like 'talk to the army officer,' 'get on the bus,' 'get off a bus' and so on. It was very challenging!
I am very independent
I am a very independent person, and I love independence in my life. Since a very young age I've fought for my independence. And my parents are the kinds who leave me alone. They have complete faith in my brother and me.
I also feel that ultimately everybody has to grow on their own in this world. One cannot live with your parents throughout life, cradling you and spoon feeding you all the time.
I know people care about me but I can't have anyone to whom I'm answerable to everyday including a boyfriend. I live life on my own terms. Work is my priority right now.
I'm not a romantic
College life was real fun. You know we all have our girlhood fantasies and crushes. Once you get older you leave that all behind and then you laugh at it. So there was nothing fantastic or extra-ordinary that happened. Just like any other girl I had my share of fantasies and crushes as well, but nothing that I can remember.
I am not a very romantic person. I don't believe in love at first sight because it hasn't happened to me.
Relationships are not simple!
Relationships are not that simple. You need to realize that you give your partner enough space. Also, I think we shouldn't know people or define people by their relationships, especially women. The sole purpose of your life should not be to be known as someone's girlfriend or wife. You are an individual with an identity of her own.
Your relationship is not your life, its a part of your life. That's where all the problems arise, when your partner wants you to be with him all the time. That's impossible. All of us are so busy in our lives that you can't be with your loved one 24 X 7
Marriage has changed
With changing times women are getting financially independent, stronger and are now able to be what they want to be. So they have an option of walking out of marriages, which was not possible earlier.
It is this change in outlook and perception that has brought the change. If a woman is dependent on her husband for financial security, of course it would be difficult for her to leave.
Yes, marriage is changing but the consequence of staying in a bad marriage is not what a person wants to face. Now everyone has a right to be happy. But if the marriage is not working out then today people have the option of walking out, which earlier they couldn't. People used to stay trapped in unhappy marriages and not talk about it because of the social set up. Divorce was considered a stigma.
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However, when you have children then it's a different ball game altogether, because that brings in a huge responsibility. And no matter to which part of the world you belong to children are the ones who are adversely affected by a divorce. Also, what hurts me is when people use their children as weapons.
Dream guys don't exist!
I think dream guys are again a girlhood fantasy. However, in reality you may fall for a guy who would be totally opposite of your dream guy. Dream guys don't exist in reality!
Wedding bells!
I have never thought about marriage. I've always taken marriage as something that happens to others. I can't imagine myself as married. However, I wouldn't say no to it because I may meet a man someday who I like. But as of now nothing is on the cards.
| Avantika Bahuguna | Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes |
December 21, 2005 in Celebrity Talk | Permalink
In Memoriam
Will you remember me, after I am dead? So many times women ask this question of their husbands or lovers!
"Will you remember me, after I am dead?" So many times women ask this question of their husbands or lovers! And invariably the answer happens to be, "Yes, darling. I will never forget you!" Truly, many men do remember and keep on remembering their departed wives. There will be an enlarged framed photograph of the beloved wife. The husband will garland it, give an advertisement in the newspaper in form of shraddhanjali on her birth and death anniversary, will do charity on her name... Everybody has a different way of remembering their departed loved ones.
A few months back, my friend Sudhir Shah remembered his wife in a very unique way. One fine day he called to say, "These days, Rupa seems to be on my mind constantly. Day and night I find my self thinking about her. Then I thought, why should I remember her alone? Let's all get together and remember her. Let's have a party!"
People like Sudhir don't need an excuse to have a celebration. But just in case he needed one, here it was! He said, "Rupa and I had our first meeting 28 years back, on 1st February. I had gone to my friend's place to prepare for my college exams. On my way back home, I saw Rupa. She was coming back from a movie. There on the crowded street, I saw her for the first time..."
So on the first day of February this year Sudhir threw a party on the terrace of a well-known city hotel. The decor was festive and so was the mood. The terrace was lit up with colourful lights. The bar was busy and the buffet table was overflowing. Guests had come decked up in the best of their clothes and jewellery. Everybody had a smile on their lips.
And it was not a plastic smile, not just a superficial expression. It was a smile that came from deep within their hearts.
There were a few like me who had never met Rupa. But that evening we all saw her. Rupa, a 17-year old college girl; Rupa, a demure bride on her wedding day; Rupa, in a funny-looking costume abroad with her husband and son and so on. The projector kept on churning one image after another on the screen. And Rupa became more real, alive amongst us.
"Won't you feel better if you remember the departed spouse with a smile instead of tears?"
For Rupa's friends, the memories were flooding in. Almost everybody had something to say about her and they did so. Of course, this was not the usual condolence meeting where you talk in a sober tone with a serious face. The friends and relatives had happy, funny memories to share. "Hey, you remember that time when Rupa was admitted to the hospital due to ill-health and was bored out of her mind? How she had slipped away from the hospital at night and went to a friend's place to play cards..."
Of course, everybody present there knew that 22 years into the marriage, Rupa had got cancer. And one bright morning, she had left Sudhir leaving behind a small son. Sudhir never remarried.
But now was not the time to remember the painful moments, open the wounds. This party was a celebration of life, a life well-led. Nobody said mushy stuff like 'we miss her very much' or 'may God give peace to her soul'. Nobody thought of saying a prayer, to wish peace upon her in the other world. This may be so, perhaps, because Rupa led a very happy and content life in this world.
Almost everyday we read obituaries and anniversaries remembered in the newspaper. People write: "Even after 10 - 15 years, we can't come to terms with your death. We still cry when we remember you. Tearfully, we pay homage to you..." on and on. Reading such obituaries, one wonders why we always have to cry when we remember our loved ones.
When the shock is immediate and the wound fresh it is very natural to feel sorry. For days, for months, you miss the person. That is understandable. But after some time, don't you feel like smiling remembering some happy moments shared with that person? In your dark moments doesn't the memory of your beloved cheer you up? And won't you feel better if you remember the departed spouse with a smile instead of tears? After attending that party, many people must have thought such thoughts.
"Will you remember me, after I am dead?"
Some woman, who might have normally asked, "Will you remember me after my death?" might have gone home that night to ask her husband, "After I am gone, will you care to remember me THIS WAY? Will you celebrate my memory, rather than mourn my loss?"
That evening, I heard a poem by Robert Bridges. It went like this:
Rejoice ye Dead
Wherever Your Spirits Dwell
Rejoice That Yet On Earth
Your Flame Is Bright
And That Your Names
Remembered Day And Night
Live On The Lips Of Those
Who Love You Well.
| Varsha Pathak | Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes |
December 21, 2005 in In Focus | Permalink
Jewel jamboree
Catch up with the latest bridal jewellery trends
Jewellery forms an integral part of a bridal trousseau. With the increase in fashion trends, brides today are becoming more fashion conscious and prefer functional jewellery to traditional designs, so that it is wearable and can be used on a daily basis.
So, what's the right jewellery to choose this bridal season? Shaaditimes speaks to some famous jewellery designers to find that out:
Mr Kamlesh Hemdev of Ghanasingh & Sons, Hughes Road, Mumbai says, "Diamonds always look classy and sophisticated for a wedding. So, I would give my thumbs up to diamonds as the current trend with lots of fancy shaped diamonds in vogue. We have come up with a heritage look in diamond jewellery which is being appreciated quite a lot."
However, he doesn't rule out gold jewellery completely as gold is a globally recognized metal and has scope for innovation and experimentation.
Bridal look for 2005
"Brides these days like to have different looks for different occasions, so that they have a completely new look for each function," says Hemdeb.
For e.g. - an ethnic and traditional look for the wedding with traditional jewellery (in gold or diamonds) is what people generally ask for. Similarly for the reception a classic look is preferred with diamond jewellery using real precious stones.
For the sangeet and mehendi, jadau jewellery with intricate designs would be perfect.
Expert take
Though elaborate jewellery cannot be ruled out completely for the wedding, the general trend these days is to buy one heavy set and one or two light sets (in diamonds or gold) so that the jewellery is impeccably right for the each occasion.
However, diamonds and real precious stones would be the perfect choice. Gold is a universal favourite, whereas platinum still remains an elite choice.
However, Neelam Kothari of Neelam's Jewellery Store, Mumbai says that practical and easy to wear jewellery is the new trend as it can be used on a daily basis. She adds, "The trend for bridal jewellery at the moment is more classic and wearable - something which they would get more use out of in the future. They are also looking for better quality stuff."
Bridal look for the season
Practical jewellery rather than huge designs is what's ruling the roost, even though the set may be smaller in size and more in price. Intricate jewellery with very fancy designs is completely out. Now a days women are going in for more practical jewellery, rather than huge, fancy designs which can be worn only once in a lifetime.
What's Haute?
Besides bridal jewellery other jewellery that's in vogue is long earrings, big rings and bracelets. Coloured gems and stones are also hot.
White gold is here to stay. Very few people understand platinum; also the metal and labour charges are very expensive so people would rather go in for white gold, which looks the same.
SOUTHERN SPARKLERS
Nalini Panday of Nalini Designs, Chennai says, "I am seeing a sea of change down south. People have opened their minds and eyes to new styles and are open to buying them. Investment jewellery is still in although there is a definite shift towards buying wearable jewellery. Lighter designs and coloured gems are definitely being liked by the younger generation. Medium to long earrings with pendants, large bracelets are the current favourites. Coloured gems and stones are quite in vogue."
Nalini says, "Gold and diamond jewellery mixed with rubies and emeralds is still trusted as the appropriate combination to wear on the day. Gold is considered auspicious and diamonds shows the amount of wealth one has; although a very small percentage are breaking away from this tradition in choosing jewellery. For instance, a bride from a prominent Catholic family asked me to design a sapphire set and she wore it with a beautifully embroidered white sari for the wedding and reception. It had no diamonds at all and she received great reviews. Chunky gold jewellery is still ruling in the South."
However, big and lavish pieces are still in. People prefer to buy Jadau, intricate and big jewellery sets.
White gold or platinum?
White gold is in and affordable. Platinum is there but there are very few designs in this metal. Nalini says, "Although I love platinum because it looks like a fine aged wine and has an air of sophistication about it- its expensive and hard to work with. So I would say white gold is more popular."
| Avantika Bahuguna | Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes |
December 21, 2005 in Fashion | Permalink
Foreign marriages, re-marriages and more
You can definitely get married in U.S.A. under the provision of the Foreign Marriage Act 1969 and then registered in India..
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Siddhartha Shah A practicing advocate of Mumbai High Court. He specialises in Civil, Criminal, International and Matrimonial Laws. He opines on Indian Laws and the Legal System. Have a question? Click here... |
Foreign marriage
Deepak asks,
I am an Indian and came to USA recently on a B1 visa, my girl friend is studying here on a F1. I am here for next 6 months and I want to get married to my girlfriend. Please advise how can I? Can Indian Embassy help me or do I have to register in a USA court?
Dear Deepak,
You can definitely get married in U.S.A. under the provision of the Foreign Marriage Act 1969 and then get your marriage registered in India at the place of your permanent residence to the said jurisdiction before the registrar of marriages. The Foreign Marriage act, 1969 provides the facility of the marriage of the Indian Citizens abroad. You may contact the Indian Embassy and can comply with the further procedures with regards the same. The Registration procedures of the Foreign Marriage Act are governed under the Special Marriage Act 1969 in India.
Could not get a divorce
Sobhavijay asks,
My marriage was based on a fake marriage certificate obtained from a temple by bribing Rs.2000 and thereafter getting it registered from the Registrar's Office under Hindu marriage Act. Within one year I have approached the court for legal divorce on the grounds of cruelty. The case took about three years and the final judgement was the cruelty, which was not proved and hence dismissed. My doubt is whether I can marry any other man since my marriage was not solemnised in a temple by following rituals. We have not contacted each other for the last 4 years. I don't know his whereabouts.
Dear Sobhavijay,
With regards your query, I would need to know the contents of the order passed by the Hon'ble court, which is against you, only after reading and perusing the minutes of the order I could opine you further. You need to keep in mind that you cannot remarry unless and until you obtain a lawful and a valid legal decree of divorce from the Court. You may possibly file your papers for obtaining divorce in the appropriate matrimonial, since you are presently staying separate since 4 years, you may file your papers for obtaining a divorce on the grounds of desertion.
Danish marrying an Indian
Tina asks,
I'm engaged to an Indian and I'm Danish. We want to get married in India. What papers do I need to bring for documentation? What kind of papers will I be asked to show in India, for a court marriage? Some people tell me I don't need to bring anything besides my passport and others tell me that I have to bring papers that I haven't been married before.. I'm confused. I don't know if its important, but my fiance is a Sikh.
Dear Tina,
Since you are getting married in India, you need to get married under the Special marriage Act, 1954. The Special Marriage Act, 1954 requires certain preliminaries to the solemnization of marriage. It should be kept in view that marriages under the act are essentially civil marriages, and the Act provides for civil formalities.
Notice of Marriage and its publication - Under the Act notice of marriage is to be given by both the parties to marriage. It has to be given to the marriage Officer of the District where one of the parties to the marriage has resided for a period of not less than 30 days immediately preceding the date on which such notice is given. In the notice the names, the status (unmarried, widow/widower or divorcee), ages and dwelling place of both the parties are to be stated. The length of residence and the permanent dwelling (if the present dwelling place is not a permanent residence) are also to be stated.
Solemnization of marriage - Before a marriage can actually be solemnized, the bride and bridegroom are individually required to file a declaration. Each declaration should contain: the status of the bride (or bridegroom as the case may be) at the time of marriage i.e. whether he or she is unmarried, divorce or widow/widower, the age, and a statement that he or she is not related to the other within the degrees of prohibited relationship.
No marriage under the Act shall be complete and binding unless each party says to the other in presence of the Marriage Officer and three witnesses and in the language understood to the parties.
You need to get:
- Passport (Document showing your Nationality and Proof of residence)
- Any document showing your Proof of Birth and age viz Birth Certificate or School leaving Certificate.
- A declaratory affidavit duly notarised stating your current matrimonial status and also providing more information with regards your domicile, age, and the place of your permanent residence.
She has no intention of coming back
Ranjan Sen asks,
We were married (Hindu marriage) in April 1999. My wife left me initially for 1 month following a domestic tiff in August 2002. Then in April 2003 she left me alleging me of being unfaithful which is not true. I tried to persuade her to come back and went to her place, Kolkata. There she made me meet a lawyer first and then on my second visit forced me to agree to divorce terms before seeing my daughter. The terms were finalised and when I did not sign she did not allow me to see my daughter. Our daughter was born in October 2000. She started working in April 2002 itself. She has no intention of coming back and I too want a divorce and, if possible my daughter. Kindly advice.
Dear Mr. Sen,
You can definitely file your papers and petition for obtaining divorce from your wife in the Matrimonial Forum in the place of the jurisdiction of your marriage or the place of your residence. You can file for divorce by mutual consent if agreed by you both mutually for obtaining divorce or else you could put petition on the grounds of desertion committed by your wife. You could also file for custody petition for obtaining the custody of your child or else make an application in the said divorce petition if necessary by asking for the custody and your other visitation rights.
I want to re-marry
Mohammed Navaz asks,
I converted to Islam from Hinduism. I was married earlier. Since my family is not willing to accept my conversion, it is not within the boundaries of Islam to be with her and moreover, my relationship with my wife is also not too good. I intend to re-marry a Muslim girl. I am now 43. What are the legal implications?
Dear Mr. Navaz,
I would like to know as to when did you convert to Islam from Hinduism? With regards the query asked by you and as regards the limited information provided by you, you will have to lawfully obtain a valid and proper legal decree of divorce before you take any decision to re-marry. Hence you cannot escape your liabilities as a husband merely by converting to Islam religion. You may file your papers if required for obtaining a divorce only on the proper and just grounds before the matrimonial forum of the place of the jurisdiction of your marriage or at the jurisdiction to the place of your residence.
Siddhartha Shah will answer your queries. Ask now!
December 21, 2005 in Expert Advice | Permalink
Learn how to give Oprah Winfrey a complex
I am confident enough to do everything but I am not a good speaker, even though I have knowledge.
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Ruby K Bhatia is a grooming expert and conducts seminars on Personality Development throughout India. She covers topics like self-confidence, public speaking, grooming and manners. Have a question? Click here... |
A scarred face
Mary Barboza asks,
I have a slim athletic body, which I'm proud of; unfortunately I feel I look really sick. I have a scarred face and very mixed skin tones please tell me how can I look attractive because this is what guys really look for. On my portfolio I look really great however I can't use that kind of make up for every day use.
Dear Mary,
If you are worried or tense, then there is nothing like yoga to centre yourself and bring an inner glow. To even out your skin tone, try Vichy products (available at imported chemists). A great book on herbal skin care remedies is "Foods That Heal" by H.K. Bakhru. And by the way, what guys are REALLY looking for is nice girls who love them for what they are. They just don't know that. But give them love and they are flat. Trust me.
Best performer
Jigna asks,
Hi Ruby! I admire you! I don't have any particular query, which is killing me neither am I depressed. But all I need is some tips. What to, how to, when to, why to perform, means to be the best performer of life... Hope I am not confused and have said exact what I want to say, what one should do to be like this, as each and every step is a struggle.
Dear Jigna,
Yoga, yoga, yoga. These days, I am visiting so many holistic health places with my new show "Body and Soul" (Sundays, 10am, Star One). And I am truly convinced of the manifold benefits (physical and mental) of yoga and meditation. It will clear out your mind and body of all confusions and give you peace and focus in life. Try it.
Wedding grooming
Asha asks,
My wedding is in a few months. I have an oval face and curly hair of medium length. I would like to know what kind of hairstyle would look good for the wedding. It is a Catholic wedding. How can I groom myself for the wedding?
Dear Asha,
For the wedding, you will probably have to put it up and have a few nice curls left out to frame your face, and for the reception, leave it open with a bit of mousse in it to separate the curls. Medium length curly hair sounds really nice. Go to a good salon and ask them for a nice layered cut. It will give you body and bounce. Happy Married Life!!
Self-identity
Alia asks,
I don't have the spirit to face gatherings. I avoid going and visiting people or making female friends. I keep looking for male companions may be they are more reliable then girls and also that you tend to learn more from them, they also provide you knowledge and they are more friendly. But this is not good because I'm a single woman and live with my family. What do you suggest?
Dear Alia,
I understand. A lot of women who are insecure prefer male friends because male attention fills our sense of emptiness inside. And men will mostly like to talk to you just because of the male-female chemistry, which naturally attracts us to each other. But in the long run, you have to deal with your insecurities because you are here on earth to work out your weaknesses and become the beautiful "you" that God has made you to be. Work on it. Go to a bookshop. Buy ten books. Read at least one. Join a personality development course. Maybe do a bit of theatre. Confidence will come. So will self- identity.
Good speaker
Jaya Khan asks,
I am 23-year-old girl with a degree in MBA. My overall personality and looks are attractive. I am confident enough to do everything but I am not a good speaker though I have knowledge on most of the subjects but cannot make others understand it clearly. I really want to be a good speaker. Please help me.
Dear Jaya,
Practise, practise, practise. "Karat karat abhyaas se, jadmati hoth sujaan" (with practise, a layman can become an expert). Identify one friend or family member whom you feel very comfortable with. Once a week, sit that person down and tell him or her to give you a random topic. Talk on that topic for 3-4 minutes. Then (without asking for any feedback), do the next topic. Gradually, you will be speaking confidently and will then be able to start hearing feedback. Once this becomes easy, ask another person to join (again, someone you feel comfortable with). After that is conquered, ask some really critical person to sit in. Trust me, in 6 months you will be giving Oprah Winfrey a complex!!
Ruby K Bhatia will answer your queries. Ask now!
December 21, 2005 in Expert Opinion | Permalink
