The heart of the matter

"The basis on which any marriage depends is friendship. Your partner has to be your friend."

Jugal Hansraj - the chocolate boy with eyes that could melt anyone's heart, talks to ShaadiTimes about the heart of the matter when it comes to heart matters. We caught up with him at the Reid & Taylor Insta Snooker tournament at the Bombay Gymkhana.

Catch him getting candid.

Are you a family oriented family?
Yes, absolutely. We are a close-knit family. All four of us. We love spending time with each other; we take time out to spend with each other. My brother is also a very busy man but we do make it a point to spend quality time together. Especially in the evenings.

In your kind of a busy schedule how do you manage to take time out for your loved ones?
Well, (laughs) it is kinda difficult but then one learns to manage. Now the mobile phone is there so it becomes a lot easy to keep in touch. But even otherwise I try and take time out to spend it with people I love.

What is your idea of love?
Love is a beautiful to thing to happen to anyone. It is relative what one thinks of love but to me it would just be when I love someone and someone can love me back. That would be great! Love is a lot of understanding and if you can get that then it's a beautiful thing.

What is your idea of a perfect partner?
The idea of a perfect partner or even an ideal partner is again relative. Different people think about it differently but like I said, nothing more than someone whom I can love who will love me back. Someone who will accept me the way I am, someone whom I can be myself with. Someone who can understand me. I think that should be my idea of a perfect partner.

Have you found someone like that?
Hmmm... (Smiling shyly), well no not as yet but it is always nice to have someone like that. Everyone wants that.

So you are looking?
Well yes... (With a coy grin)

What do you think is the foundation for a successful marriage?
Friendship! The basis on which any marriage depends is friendship. Your partner has to be your friend. And according to me friendship is a lot of fun. When you can have fun with your partner, when you can truly enjoy each other's company, when you can be friends with your partner that's what I call a successful marriage or relationship.

Any plans for your own marriage?
Well, none as yet. I haven't even started thinking in that direction. Apart from the fact that there is no one I can think that way about, I just feel too young for something like marriage. I mean I still feel like I am in college, yaar !!! And I haven't even given it a thought! (With a little bewilderment in his eyes).

But you must've thought of it in the long-term future?
Well, no not exactly. I mean for me marriage is something that doesn't seem like a part of my plans at all. If it has to happen it will. And about plans I don't really plan that way, you know. There is that saying that goes, "If you want to make God laugh tell Him your plans!" He always has His own plans for you.

In today's atmosphere of growing competition and looking at the fast-pacedness of life, what do you think should be the priority given to career vs. family / relationships?
Yes, in today's world the focus is definitely shifting and priorities have changed. But there is a need to maintain a balance. One always needs a partner to walk beside oneself. And even if not now, one realizes that need later on in life.

Any parting words you would like to give to our readers?
Well, since it is a shaadi  site I would just like to wish for everyone a very happy and long-lasting marriage. The way marriages are breaking up at the first hint of discontent is disheartening. People should give their marriages a chance; they should try and resolve differences. They should give it more than just a shot. It is not the age where marriages go steady for 30-40 years. There are so many marriages that have been going strong for so long and there are so many lessons to be learnt from there.

Fatema Kagalwala

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

Do men cheat more than women?

There's no definite answer to this question. Both sexes seem to be at it, though the reasons could be different...

There's no definite answer to this question. Both sexes seem to be at it, though the reasons could be different...

Antara Mali's Mr. Ya Miss  has the incorrigible skirt-chaser Sanjay (Aftab Shivdasani) while on his way to heaven being sent back to earth by Goddess Parvati in the body of a woman hoping that it'll give him an insight to what it is like to be a woman betrayed repeatedly by the man she loves. The movie focusses on men being cheaters and women being the sufferers. The audience, largely comprising of young girls and guys, had a clearly demarcated response - the girls seemed to enjoy the film totally being in agreement with the fact that guys are eternal womanisers. The guys seemed to find this film too gender-biased. True, because there can be no definite answer to the question: "Do men cheat more than women?"

Counselling psychologist Priyanka Shah's professional reply is, "I don't think a blanket statement that men cheat more than women can be made. Cheating on one's spouse is more related to individual situations rather than gender-related ones."

Abhijit Bhelande, a 21-year-old game programmer, seems to agree, "The question one should ask is whether infidelity is more inherent in the nature of men than of women. Then it is easy to see that it is the very nature of human beings rather than just one of the sexes. Humans have needs both physical and emotional. When left unsatisfied it is in the very nature of human beings to seek some means of satisfying them. I believe that both sexes have resorted to infidelity to satisfy certain urges or fill this gaping void in their otherwise trivial and unsatisfied lives."

Resorting to raw statistical data, private detective Rajdeep, who has dealt with numerous cases of infidelity, reveals, "Men and women indiscriminately cheat on their partners in equal measure with similar guile and cunning. Both the sexes resort to adulterous physical relationships. With it being a freer society nowadays the scope for cheating is immense - it can be through office flings which get serious, illicit liaisons with the spouse's relatives, through friendship clubs which are actually hubs of prostitution or sleazy massage parlours."

Reasons for cheating for both the sexes:

According to Priyanka, "I do, to an extent agree that men and women may have different ways of cheating or being unfaithful. The reasons for infidelity may differ. This probably comes out of the fact that women tend to resort to infidelity for love and security needs, as opposed to men who need an "outlet" or "a fix". This again, may be more relevant within our culture, given men and women's distinct roles in society. However, individual cases do exist and the reasons could be varied and situation-specific." Abhijit adds: "Men cheat for reasons mainly concerning their ego, trophy hunting, fear that they are getting old, loneliness, or more often than not simply for the sex, the excitement of it all. Women resort to the same as a means of finding intimacy in times of loneliness, or to prove they are still attractive - that they still have it, to others as well as to themselves, and even for revengeful purposes, or again simply sexual pleasure - tasting the forbidden fruit. However, the reason most people find intimacy with someone outside of their marriage because their emotional needs are not being met is a prime factor leading to infidelity."

How men and women react to infidelity:

When asked if men or women are more suspicious by nature, Priyanka answers, "I think both men and women are equally prone to being suspicious; although I feel, women tend to communicate this more directly than do men. So it may seem like women are the more suspicious of the two, men are usually more wary of verbally expressing their concerns."

We all know the age-old story of Lord Rama who exiled an innocent Sita and demanded two fire tests to prove her chastity. In contemporary times with more women going out to work there are far more suspicious husbands. Women aren't far behind in their paranoia either. Addicts of Desperate Housewives  will be well acquainted with Lynette Lindquist Scavo who will do anything to keep apart her husband Tom from his co-worker and ex-fiance Annabel - to the extent of asking Tom's boss not to promote him so that he won't take trips away. Her husband finally has to compromise on being a stay-at-home dad allowing his wife to go out and work. In real life there are many women like Lynette both in India and abroad.

Abhijit feels that men can keep an extramarital affair more clandestine as, "Women are generally gossipy in nature which may make it less easy for them to keep an affair secret. However, if the man is a regular trophy-hunter, he may generally boast it among friends with all pride." He goes on, "The discovery of infidelity is devastating because it shatters basic assumptions about the security we expect in committed relationships.

The affected party is bound to feel a sense of anger, a sense of revenge. It hurts their ego too - to know that they haven't been successful in maintaining a successful relationship. I do not think the reaction to infidelity has so much to do with gender than it has to do with the personality and nature of that person. The degree to which the damage has been done also depends on the degree of cheating - physical infidelity is very difficult to forgive. Men and women may react to the situation differently thus mainly to certain generic features prevalent amongst the sexes. Men for example try to look at situations more rationally or logically rather than from an emotional point of view. But a man's ego generally far exceeds that of a woman, therefore there is a greater chance of forgiveness in the case of a woman."

Priyanka's view on wives forgiving cheating husbands is, "It's true that many women forgive their spouses and live within this arrangement. It may be because women may feel emotionally too dependent to break away or there may be financial considerations too. In Indian families, leaving the husband may mean being left alone without any financial or emotional support and security.

It may also be "learned helplessness", where the women believes that she cannot come out of this, and must let go and give him another chance. However, many women often show their disapproval towards cheating and work through the situations with their husbands."

Theatre artiste Jagdish Rajpurohit who plays the jealous husband in The Open Couple  says, "The Open Couple  is about a man who cheats and is also encouraging his wife to cheat and who ultimately goes out and cheats. It is a play about two people who are cheating but react differently to the way one is cheating on the other.

However, in real life we can't say that in a relationship the answer to cheating is cheating. To walk out of a relationship is a better option. Cheating answered by cheating brings about poetic justice in fiction but not a solution in real life. When this play was written it was difficult for women in Italy to get a divorce, making an unhappy marriage like a jail. However, in today's world women refuse to be taken for granted - they may simply walk out of a relationship if the husband is unfaithful."

Pallavi Bhattacharya

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

Salaam India - Celebrating Indian fashion

The range is spread across different categories like Indo-Western, Western Formal and Classic Indian wear...

Indians have cut across barriers in the fashion arena. What is it about Indian fashion that makes it so popular on the international circuit? Without doubt, it is the Indianness. At Mélange, Indianness takes a form of its own. Be it an eccentrically cut tunic or an engineered shirt, coalesce of idea and fabrics is anomalous and elegantly done by Sangita Kathiwada, the founder designer of Mélange.

Catering to the upper crust, Mélange, stocks a varied collection of Eco-friendly designer clothes, bags and accessories. The range is spread across different categories like Indo-Western, Western Formal and Casual Wear and Classic Indian wear designed by some of the top designers of India who are renowned worldwide for their fashion exploits.

Check out the Mélange collection:




Jamewaar  top with a pot neckline and a crushed skirt in a candy palette of pastel pink, blue and lavender, matched with a two tiered stole of crushed organza adds a fantasy look to the ensemble.





Warm colours reminiscent of Baroque grandeur with exquisite embroidery makes this ensemble truly stunning. The crowning glory of the outfit is the richly ornamented odhana that is stylish and befitting a royal wedding.




Shaded saree in tropical pink and bright red with contemporary layout of the embroidery in lines subtly offset by a decorative floral motif at the pallav. The border is embellished with colourful piece disc, thus a piece that would charm to the "jeans-tees" generation to fall for the heritage ensemble.






You will love this saree with vivid borders and kaleidoscopic embroidery running through the length. An eye-catcher irrespective the occasion!!!




You can't really decide what shade this lovely saree is, is it a pink or a rose pink one thing is for sure it makes you feel like you are amidst rose blooms. It is fully hand embroidered with authentic Luckhnowi work and enhanced with all-over sequins... definitely worthy of your splurging instincts.

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

Guide to a happier, smarter & confident you

If we are happy, we are confident and smart. If we are smart, then we are confident and happy.

Tushar Guha Dr. Tushar Guha, MD Nrityanjali - the Institute of Performing Arts, Personality Development and Management Services, is a practicing Psychologist, Counsellor, Management Trainer and Consultant. Have a question? Click here...

Happiness is a state of mind - we are happy if we want to be, we are unhappy if we desire so.
Smartness is our reasoning and approach. Confidence is our inner strength.

All the above three are interlinked. If we are happy, we are confident and smart. If we are smart, then we are confident and happy. If we are confident then we are happy and smart. Which of three comes first? It is a direct co-relation of Body and Mind and will have to be balanced.

Simultaneous approach to both these aspects are required.

To develop confidence:

1. Awareness of the individual's body (Hygiene and health) and appreciation will lead to a rise in confidence level.
2. Understanding and accepting of individual's positives and negatives, qualities and short comings, pluses and minuses and strengths and weaknesses is the next step.

This is to be followed by growing on the qualities while trying to rectify the short comings. The definition of quality is the individual's feel good factor - the comfort level - and not what others decide to be the quality.
The next priority is not to compare self with others. If comparison is a must, be it to self - What I was, What I am and What I am going to be.

To develop smartness:
Calming of one's mind and sustaining the reasoning capability that we are blessed with is required.

1. Calming of the Mind needs to be achieved
   
   • Spend time with self - even if 10 minutes daily. Doing nothing, may be lying down, sitting alone. Initially, lot of thoughts will be the disturbing factor. But as we continue, over a period of time, thoughts will recede and mind will be blank. This calms the mind.
   • Indulge in hobbies, activities that you like and feel good.
   • The disturbing thoughts and emotions must be got rid of. Write down such thoughts and feelings. Read it and then remember to destroy the writing.

These exercises avoid unnecessary thoughts and feelings to shroud our objectivity and allows us to be reasonable and clear.

2. Develop good communication skills. Read good books. Practice writing. Interact with people and use your body language. Give a hearing to others.

To be happy:
A positive outlook is a must. Be less critical of people. Be appreciative of self and others. Develop mental discipline - eat well at the right time, sleep at the right time etc. Dress well, indulge in hobbies and activities of your choice. Self reliance is a key to happiness - try not to be dependant on others.

The above pointers are to be understood in depth and each individual will have to develop his / her own systems that suits the individual. We must remember that no two individuals are alike and therefore our methods and systems will also have to be different. We can only offer a broad guideline.

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

My husband is a flirt

I came to know that he had physical relationships with so many girls and he was a great flirt.

My husband is a flirt

Charu asks,
I am a simple, very beautiful girl. I have some problems with my marriage. It is a love marriage through Internet. I met my husband only 4 days before our marriage but we talked over phone for one month before our marriage. I had an affair before and I told this to my husband after the marriage. Naturally he was very angry but then I came to know that he had physical relationships with so many girls and he was a great flirt. He flirted in front of me with my friends and my neighbour and the strangest part is that I doubt about his relationships with his sister and I know there is something fishy because during sex he talks vulgar about his sister. Although he always says that he cares for me a lot, he constantly keeps me comparing with other girls and always tortures me mentally. There are so many other odds things about him. He approached me for marriage but now he constantly blames me that it's always better to marry a girl from your own culture (because we are from different states). Before marring him I was a very jolly natured girl but now I cry almost every day. I feel very low about myself. I try all possible ways to keep him happy but it is really hard to please him. I cannot divorce him because I cannot give such a big shock to my family members. Please tell me what should I do?
Dear Charu,
This is a serious problem. Please do not make the mistake of not talking about it to someone you trust, someone who will take you seriously and recognize that some help or intervention is called for. If your parents are the kind who will understand, I suggest that you start telling them the truth about your marriage. Protecting your family from knowing the truth will only aggravate the situation later on.

Obviously, your husband has double standards: He reacted negatively to the relationship you had before marriage, whereas he has had several. You also say that he not only flirts after marriage, he does so blatantly. Does he not believe in marital fidelity and is there a double standard here too? A good marriage relationship is based on trust. Your husband is lying if he tells you that he loves you and at the same time flirts with other women. Apparently he does not really care about your feelings, and rather than feeling remorse about his flirting, he blames you, compares you negatively with others, and seems to regret he married you instead of a girl from his state.

I am not surprised that your self-esteem has taken a beating and that you have changed from being a jolly person to one who has become depressed. You say that you have tried all possible ways to keep him happy but it is really hard to please him. If he does not respect, love and accept you no amount of sacrifice on your part will satisfy him or earn his love. On the contrary, you are merely 'validating' his behaviour towards you when you bend over backwards to please him. Indeed, you send him the wrong message: That he is justified in treating you the way he does and that you have to keep on appeasing him.

I strongly recommend that you consult a marriage counselor who would guide the both of you in this matter. In the meantime, talk to a trusted family member rather than merely worry about outcomes such as divorce.

Perfect age to marry

Jjoka asks,
What is the perfect age to marry? I often wonder about this because people get married everyday, some very young and some at very old age! So what age is most appropriate in case of arranged or love marriage?
Dear Jjoka,
Well, there is no 'perfect age' at which one should marry. However, we can all think of a set of characteristics that two partners must possess in order to enjoy a happy marriage. Age is only one criterion among such characteristics and not the most important. Perhaps, the age range of 25 to 35 years may be considered good for the bride and groom to tie the knot keeping in mind more important factors such as similarity in educational and financial background, level of psychological maturity, and so on.
I tend to think that a person is too young to get married before or just around 20 years of age. In today's world life is much more complex and demanding, and therefore young persons may not feel confident or adequately prepared to go into marriage at the ages they did one or two decades ago, this being evident especially in urban areas where the stress of housing, getting a job, commuting to work, and running a household is greater than in rural areas.
While on the topic of age, let me state that there is no decent reason why much older persons should not enter marriage. If two individuals-whether single or widowed or divorced-feel drawn to each other and wish to get married, I'd say wow, why not go ahead, even if they were in their seventies!

Long distance marriage

Jasu Vekaria asks,
I got married last year. My hubby lives in UK and I live in Kenya. I can't seem to get the visa. Will this long distance marriage really work?
Dear Jasu Vekaria,
Surely, you are not envisaging a long distance marriage forever, are you? If so, I would hazard a guess that the marriage does not have much of a chance to succeed. If you do not get a visa now I would imagine that you would try again and again to obtain that elusive thing sometime in the near, if not immediate, future.
There also are other alternatives such as your husband trying for a job in Kenya or the two of you willing to migrate to a third country where visa and job prospects both look good.

I love my cousin

Vinoth asks,
I'm a 21-year-old guy working in a designing company. I'm a very reserved type. I love my cousin since my childhood. She is 16 years old, still studying. I don't know how to express my feelings to her so I need you to give a solution to move it smoothly without any rough and tough.
Dear Vinoth,
You probably have some idea as to whether or not your cousin has similar feelings towards you. Since she is rather young you may have to keep your feelings in rein, and wait awhile before you do anything much. If your cousin likes you, the best approach would be to get to know her better. Why not take her out to restaurants or to the movies and chat her up? Even if she has never thought of you in a romantic way, it is possible that she might develop such feelings once she gets to know you better. On the other hand, if she persists in seeing you as nothing more than a cousin, and you sense absolutely no whiff of romance coming your way, I'd recommend that you get over your one-sided feelings as quickly possible, however troubling that might be.
I personally am not much in favour of first-cousin marriages because of their genetic implications - greater similarity in the gene pool of closely related spouses and the consequently higher risk of giving birth to offspring with some undesirable genetic traits.

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

Dr. Laura Vaz

Sizzling Sangeeta - Love to me is heaven!

Every relationship has its own share of love, passion, lust and aggression.

Sangeeta Ghosh appears with a fresh look in a brand new role in 'Rabba Ho Ishq Na Hove ', the serial that is generating a lot of curiosity. Essaying the role of an airhostess, Sangeeta is tracked by a silent admirer. How she deals with this will unfold in the episodes to come. What is important is how she deals with her real life relationships. In response Sangeeta says, "Every relationship has its own share of love, passion, lust and aggression. But you should know how to handle it and deal with it in a matured and healthy manner."
Love to me is heaven!
Love to me is heaven. I think 'heaven' is the only word that sums up the whole meaning of the word love. In fact, love, lust, passion and aggression all go together and they are all a part of a relationship. Lust is very important in a relationship. It gives you the kick, that driving force that helps maintain the freshness and the novelty of a relation. It's the glue that binds. Passion is yet another ingredient which makes a relationship spicy and interesting. You have to be passionate in a relationship otherwise you lose interest and slowly drift away. If you are not passionate about the person you love then I guess the relationship loses its charm. Aggression roots out of passion. If you are passionate about someone you get aggressive about him. Jealousy springs from passion and love. When you are in love you tend to get possessive of the person you love and which in turn leads to jealousy.

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

Against my will

Marital rape has always been a taboo subject. It's something women don't often talk about.

Marital rape has always been a taboo subject. It's something women don't often talk about. Doesn't mean that it doesn't happen, or that it's right.

In India, marital rape is an issue that has long been swept under the carpet. It's something no one wants to talk about. Rituparno Ghosh's Antarmahal , a film set in 19th century Bengal that highlights marital rape, came in for a lot of adverse criticism. In the film Bhubaneshwar Choudhury (Jackie Shroff), a rich zamindar , unable to bear a son with his first wife Mahamaya (Rupa Ganguly), marries a teenaged Joshomoti (Soha Ali Khan) hoping she'll bear his child. He neglects his older wife completely and treats his younger wife as nothing else but a 'baby making device'. Rituparno took a lot of flak from puritanical film critics for his blatant presentation of sex, but all he was trying to do was to candidly show how women in Bengal were sexually exploited by their husbands.

It's not often that women talk about being raped by their husbands. At a seminar in New Delhi in 2004 on 'sexuality problems of cancer patients' when the audience was asked for feedback, a frail lady - a cancer survivor whose hair was growing back - stood up and boldly said, "When I was going through chemotherapy I was in no mental and physical condition to have sex with my husband. But I couldn't say 'no' to him as he made me feel guilty of denying him his conjugal rights. After all, many married women all over the world are supposed to be at the receiving end of sex. Could anyone come up with a solution to this sexual abuse wives have to go through?"

The U.N. Conference in Beijing, in September 1995, unanimously passed a resolution making marital rape a crime. Section 375 of the Indian Penal Code, however, says, "Sexual intercourse by a man with his own wife, not being under 15 years of age is not rape." Marital rape doesn't even fall under domestic violence. Wives have no control over condom use, getting their bodies getting outraged or being infected with sexually transmitted diseases. A victim of any sexual assault will experience some degree of Rape Trauma Syndrome, marital rape being no exception. Short-term effects include feelings of betrayal, anger, guilt, humiliation, fear and denial. Long-term effects include inability to trust, fear of intimacy, acute fear of being assaulted again, flashbacks, nightmares and sexual dysfunction. Women's rights advocates in India did however secure a legal clause in 1993 under which it is unlawful for a man to have sexual intercourse with his separated and divorced wife, but the courts are reluctant to sentence husbands despite the law.

Sex should be akin to lovemaking. Psychiatrist and sexologist, Ajit Dandekar says, "To have good sex the husband and wife should understand one another's sexuality well. There shouldn't be intercourse without foreplay and afterplay - the tempo must be built up in all the three stages. Going off to sleep just after intercourse hurts the woman. Love and care for the partner is necessary during sex. Sex on the wedding night has been made compulsory in Indian society though the couple may be very tired after the wedding rituals. There's a colloquial saying, which goes 'Paheli raat ko billi marni hai ' meaning that the groom has to perform on the first night."

Says film director Karan Razdan, "On the wedding night it is assumed that a woman has to lose her virginity and a man can't loose his manhood." Sharing a marital bed therefore starts off as a nightmarish experience for many brides entering into an arranged marriage. Razdan is working on a film, Maang , about marital rape, "My film may not be coming up with a solution to marital rape in India, but it definitely will spread awareness. Marital rape creates trauma depending on the degree of rape and the consistency. Living on in a marriage like that is like being in a fever, which has no remedy. The victim in my film can't seek justice under Section 375 of the Indian Penal Code as it after all disqualifies marital rape as rape. However, she doesn't give up. She secures a lady lawyer to fight her case and ultimately manages to put her husband behind bars under Section 498 A IPC due to a mistake her husband had made."

But what if a woman is totally unwilling to consummate the marriage? Razdan answers, "This gives no right to the husband to force his wife to have sex with him. In such a situation a couple should seek professional help and find out the root cause be it physical or psychological."

Pallavi Bhattacharya

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

Men only - Trends in facial hair

Aamir's tiny little thing in Dil Chahta Hai started a trend of sorts. Every actor since then has experimented with it.

Aamir Khan's tiny little thing in Dil Chahta Hai started a trend of sorts. Every actor since then has experimented with this aspect. Be it Amitabh Bachchan, Shahrukh Khan, Sanjay Dutt, Akshay Kumar, Sunil Shetty or even Sachin Tendulkar and Shane Warne; we have witnessed changing trends in facial hair. Now who would have thought men could be so fashionably innovative!

ShaadiTimes gives a lowdown on different styles of in-vogue facial hair.

A few-day-old stubble
This is a classic, no-nonsense facial hair style! If you are tired of walking around with a 'good-boy-clean-shaven' look, then try growing your hair for a few days. It lends machoism and ruggedness to your personality. If you feel like your hair is growing out of control and is turning into a beard, use a trimmer. This is a cool style immortalised once upon a time by tennis player Jim Courier and singer George Michael. More closer home, we've had actors, from yesteryear's bihari babu Shatrugan Sinha to current heartthrobs Abhishek Bachchan and Fardeen Khan, who carry off this look with panache.


The quasi goatee
You can call it a wannabe French Beard, this style is to give you a 'different' look - it can't be termed as casual or formal. It depends on the way you carry it off. Although simple goatees are out, a thin moustache along with a small patch of hair underneath the bottom lip and another patch of hair on the chin (none of which are attached) can help add some edge to your style.

What style suits what face? Square shape: Any style that is cleanly cut around the ears or any style that provides a square frame for the face. Square face are, generally, suitable for experiments with facial hair. Rectangular shape: A well maintained beard may camouflage a soft jawline and a moustache will shorten an overly rectangular or oblong shape. A carefully trimmed goatee can also infuse an element of squareness to a soft chin. Round shape: Beards can be styled to make the face appear more oval. A neat moustache can also enhance the overall appearance and shape of the face. Triangular shape: A French beard or its variations that helps to balance and fill out the jawline. Pear and diamond shape: A stubble trimmed into a rounded or square shape will disguise the prominent chin.

Simple sideburns
Now who wouldn't want to look like Elvis?! Long sideburns, which were a rage in India when Vinod Khanna and Amitabh Bachchan used to dance around trees, wooing their heroines, have lost a lot of their charm. Nevertheless, it still remains an easy and versatile look to pull off and a staple on the men's fashion scene. When it comes to sideburn length, the norm is for your sideburns to end at the midpoint of your ear. Trim your sideburns with a razor or clippers, or have them trimmed when you go for a haircut. This is a great default style that's easy to maintain and remains timeless.

The neo goatee
Another French Beard clone! This is not recommended for a day at the office - try it out while you're on vacation or if you're going for a more rough and tough look. Basically the goatee is the same as it used to be (with or without the patch of hair right underneath the bottom lip), only it has longer sideburns that morph into what's known as a semi-"chinstrap." This look is often seen in western athletes and rappers. Those familiar with western rappers, may recall Omarion as a case-in-study for this type of look.

Movies / Actors that sparked off trends: Dev Anand's 'puff' was aped by many men in the yesteryears. The pencil line moustache of funny man Johnny Walker was a trendsetter. Rajesh Khanna's long hair in Apna Desh was aped by many a young man then. Years later you had Hrithik Roshan, Suniel Shetty, Upen Patel, Angad Bedi with their tresses falling over their shoulders. Amitabh Bachchan's hairstyle in the 70's was aped, copied and recognised not just in India, but globally. If you don't believe me, ask your dad! Amitabh Bachchan has been one of the very few personalities whose style and fan following has not deteriorated over the years. Till date, people keep a French Beard just because Mr. Bachchan keeps it. The one-day stubble on Anil Kapoor's face became his signature and was copied by a lot of film followers. And not to forget Viond Khanna's long side burns. In fact side burns became such a craze that even though villain Ranjeet sported them to give him a mean look, one noticed many men growing side burns. Aamir Khan's name is right up there when it comes to setting trends. Be it cycles in Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar, the spiked look in Dil Hai Ki Manta Nahi, his big rings in Ghulam and his goatee in Dil Chahta Hai - all of them have been aped readily. One still sees people with the 'Mangal Pandey ' moustache on the roads. And one can't predict what trend his latest release, Rang De Basanti  will spark off. Salman Khan's Tere Naam hairstyle was one of the biggest trend setting example. The actor has recently shaved all his hair off and is seen sporting a bald pate now. One never knows this too may soon become a rage with his fans. Sanjay Dutt's pineapple haircut is still a craze.

Clean-shaven
While you don't need us to elaborate further on this style, a clean-shaven look is timeless and the most appropriate look for a professional who must maintain a sophisticated image. You can never go wrong with a shaved face. And your lady will surely be more than grateful.

Trends that were...
French beard
Below-the-lip goatee
Chin goatee
Neck-up stubble (Hair on face only, shaven neck)
Chinese moustache

Sagar Patel

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

Different marriage acts

What are the different marriage acts in India? I am a Hindu and she is not. So we can't marry as per Hindu Marriage Act.

Siddhartha Shah A practicing advocate of Mumbai High Court. He specialises in Civil, Criminal, International and Matrimonial Laws. He opines on Indian Laws and the Legal System. Have a question? Click here...

Pre-arranged marriage

Ashleia asks,
Can a pre-arranged marriage be cancelled even if the exchange of rings promised to each other is made?
Dear Ashleia,
Yes a pre-arranged marriage can be cancelled or called off even if the exchange of rings promised to each other is made. Please take note that in such situations, person is bound to take such serious steps only due to some serious and unavoidable situation foreseen and /or with some serious reasons for calling off the said engagement. Though legally it is incorrect act, but you may note that in such situations both the parties have equal legal rights to prove their stand and their say.

Can a second wife make a claim?

Srinivas asks,
My wife died of breast cancer about 20 months ago. I have 2 kids aged 6 and 8. I am now planning to re-marry. My wife's sisters are insisting that I should set aside the amount that I have earned over the past few years in the name of my kids and they would like to be the joint account holders for the same. I do not have much problem to set aside some amount in my kids name but I am not sure about adding my wife's sisters as joint account holders. Their reasoning is that I will not waste the money and the same amount will be used for the kid's education, etc. Basically they say that even I should not be able to use the money that I set aside for the kids. What if my second wife(would be) comes to know that I have stashed some money in the name of first wife's kids? Legally, can she make a claim of them when I die? What is your suggestion regarding my situation?
Dear Srinivas,
Firstly if you get married for the second time then your proposed wife would definitely have a legal right over all your property and she would be also legally entitled to all your assets moveable and immovable properties. Since as you have mentioned that you have two kids from your earlier marriage, in my opinion you should definitely make certain provision for your kids for their security and safety. As questioned by you, your proposed second wife cannot legally do or transfer any moveable or immovable properties on her name, which are already divided and distributed on your children's name. Please keep note that that your second proposed wife can only get hold of the assets and properties or else can withdraw the monies only if she is made the nominee or the guardian of your kids.

Different marriage acts

Sunil asks,
What are the different marriage acts in India? I am a Hindu and she is not and so obviously we cannot get married according to the "Hindu Marriage Act." All I want is, when I go to register my marriage, I don't want anybody to ask my wife and me about our religion. Please advice
Dear Sunil,
Firstly there are around six main different marriage acts in India viz:

1. Special Marriage Act. 1959.
2. Hindu Marriage Act 1955.
3. Muslim Marriage Act,
4. The Christian Marriage Act
5. Parsi Marriage Act.
6. Foreign marriage Act.

As regards the second query asked, you are not answerable to any one as you are legally not bound to answer anyone who tries to question you, you may only keep in mind that you only need or may speak to the marriage registrar at the time of registration of marriage.

My wife is not bothered about me

Neel Anant asks,
I got married in June 2003 and I'm a writer by profession. My wife used to shout and fight with me right from the beginning and she doesn't let me write or think and since Dec 2003 I'm suffering from ulcerative colitis, but she is not bothered. My disease is a serious matter for me and the doctor has told me not to take any kind of stress. Now it's beyond my control I can't bear all this things now. Her family continues to interfere in our matters and doesn't let me do my work and I' m afraid she can do anything against me in the near future. Can I live a free life or will the law support her because she is woman?
Dear Neel Anant,
You can definitely avail a legal recourse and a legal remedy with regards the problem, which you have written to me. You have full right to lead your individual and independent life without anybody's pressure. It is a very serious situation, which you have put your self into. Legally you may file your papers or petition before the matrimonial forum on the grounds of mental cruelty and personal torture. You may try having a very serious discussion with your wife and try to amicably settle your issue or else you may knock the doors of legal justice system for your personal betterment.

Change in marriage act

Joice asks,
I am a foreign national (Christian)girl and holding a visa for 5 years in India. I married a Indian(Hindu)boy two years ago. We married as per the Hindu ceremony in a temple. Later we registered our marriage in the court. But somehow the marriage was registered under the Hindu Marriage Act. Just now after 2 years, going through the Shaadi.com. I came to know that the marriage should be registered as Special Marriage Act as I am a foreigner and Christian. Is that true? We didn't know about these different types of marriages and our lawyer never told us about it. If so how can we change the certificate? Do we need to cancel the earlier marriage or we have to register again (on the basis of existing certificate) as Special Marriage. Because I don't want my marriage to be registered under Hindu Marriage. Do I need to do this here in Bangalore or do I need to do this in the place where my marriage was registered (Himachal Pradesh) Will I be eligible for all the wife's rights (on property etc.) both under Special/Hindu marriage.
Dear Joice,
Since you have already performed the Hindu Ceremony according to the Vedic rights in temple and got married in a Hindu traditional system and ways it is legally correct to get yourselves registered under the Hindu Marriage Act. I also fail to understand that why your lawyer did not pay any attention and insist on getting married under the Special Marriage Act. Anyway, you may keep in mind that your rights will never be deprived as regards the said registration procedures. Atleast your marriage is legally registered as according to what you have stated. So I personally feel that you need not think very deep and just progress in your marital life.

Siddhartha Shah will answer your queries. Ask now!

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

Knowledge of self is key to confidence level

Knowledge of self - Body and Mind, coupled with knowledge of communication skills is key to one's confidence level.

Tushar Guha Dr. Tushar Guha, MD Nrityanjali - the Institute of Performing Arts, Personality Development and Management Services, is a practicing Psychologist, Counsellor, Management Trainer and Consultant. Have a question? Click here...

Confused

Saleem asks,
I have some problems in decision making. Sometimes, even for small problems, I cannot decide or come up with a right solution and I am always confused. Also, I have a weak memory too. Can you please help me?
Dear Saleem,
Essentially you have to calm your mind by processes like meditation and being with yourself alone. Also you need to meet a good counsellor to help you get over your confusion. There are exercises for memory too. Try to look at the mirror, eye to eye every day for 5 minutes. Gradually you will notice improvements.

No confidence motion

Vijay Duseja asks,
I'm a very shy, reserved guy and I like to be alone all the time. Physically, I am slim and reasonably good looking but lack of confidence rules me. I'm not good at communication. Since three months now, I've taken up a marketing job and the above mentioned problems are being barriers for me! Please help me develop my personality.
Dear Vijay,
You should spend time with yourself. Look and appreciate your body, look at the mirror. Body knowledge gives 50% confidence. Yours is not a major problem at all.

Be interactive

Prajakta asks,
I am 24 years old. Whenever I speak with anyone,after sometime I feel that the person whom I am talking to is getting bored. And it happens every time. Is it just my assumption or a fact? What can I do to increase my confidence?
Dear Prajakta,
Knowledge of self -- Body and Mind, coupled with knowledge of communication skills is key to one's confidence level. Do continue to interact with people, be aware of other's interest and try to inculcate humour while you speak.

English phobia

Sujata Prasad asks,
When I meet new people I don't feel comfortable. I am not able to speak in front of them. My English is also very poor, may be due to lack of self-confidence. But I don't want to join any of those English speaking courses. As I am doing fashion designing I need to be confident enough. How can I feel confident? What are the things I need to do?
Dear Sujata,
You must have good knowledge of English -- read good English books, try and write also. Speak only English. As for confidence, appreciate your body, analyse your skills and grow on them. Spending time in front of the mirror to see self is a good exercise.

Tushar Guha will answer your queries. Ask now!

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes