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July 20, 2006
Lillete Dubey ki prem katha
We were very good friends for many years before we got romantically involved.
She is a woman who has played many parts and reveled in each role. Bestowed with good looks, married to a man she loves and who loves her, has two fabulous daughters and a smiling career in the world of theatre - a profession she is passionate about. What more can one ask for? Her's is a package most women would die for. Despite her not-so-young age, she looks every inch the toned, glamorous, sexy young movie star. And it's not just about her looks or age but her acting talent, confidence and attitude on screen that makes her so lovable.
Here she talks to shaaditimes about love, life and movies.
Lillete is an acclaimed theatre director, television and film artist and founder of the Theatre Action Group in Delhi, which gives breaks to novices interested in acting. Lillete Dubey has achieved fame despite her late entry into films.
Theatrically speaking...
"I have always been on stage ever since I was in school and have always loved the experience! In college I was acting in college productions and then went for my first professional audition at the age of 18 in Delhi. I was given the lead in a comedy and never looked back after that", says Lillete.
Lillete never chose theatre. It was rather the opposite. "Like the best things in life, it was theatre that chose me", explains Lillete. Movies were totally by chance. "I have always called myself an accidental film actress. Theatre is my first love and probably always will be. Despite a few feelers, I have never got really excited about acting in movies in my career earlier. When my husband, Ravi, moved for professional reasons to Mumbai about nine years ago, Shyam Benegal met me and offered me the role of Auntie Rose in 'Zubeidaa '. It was a wonderful part with a director I admired, so I said yes. The rest just followed. I never actively pursued films and really enjoy the ones I choose to do", says Lillete
Lillete is a successful actress and is a wee bit surprised when asked about the secret of her success. "Am I that successful? It is probably because I love what I do and I work hard at it. After 30 years as an actor and fifteen as a director, I still feel I have so much to learn, to achieve. I still get an adrenalin rush when I step on to stage or get on a film set. And I am always setting myself new goals and looking for new challenges. I am never completely satisfied with anything I have done!" says Lillete, beaming with pride.
Having worked in both movies and theatre, Lillete remarks on the difference between the mediums, "A few years ago I would have said I preferred theatre. But today I have realised that cinema challenges an actor in different ways. On stage, an actor is master - he has no constraints, but on screen, he has to perform in a very realistic way. An actor in films has a great deal of constraints and that is sometimes more difficult than theatre. But for me, the enjoyment of a part as an actor will always be on stage", admits Lillete.
She has a word of advice for the upcoming artists. "Love your craft for itself, not for all the fame and glory it might get you, and constantly try and better yourself. Never think you know it all. Never get complacent. The joy is always in the joy and exploration, rarely in the end"
Love conquers all...
It is actually theatre that binds Lillete and Ravi together. Ravi Dubey had been a theatre person himself and this completely understands his wife's passion for theatre. Today he is Corporate Advisor and he frequently travels on business matters.
So how do they get to spend time with each other? "I think we spend just the right amount with each other. So we don't get on each other's nerves", laughs Lillete and adds, "When we are both in town together, we spend a lot of time together", says Lillete.
How did the two come together? "I met Ravi at the age of 17 at a rock concert through a common friend. I got to know him well, because we were both in theatre and acted in several plays together while we were studying. We got married eight years later. We were very good friends for many years before we got romantically involved. He came to know that a few other admirers had proposed to me, and immediately decided that I had to get married to him, and no one else. Luckily there were no objections from our families. They had known Ravi for several years and were very fond of him and his family", says Lillete.
Marriage instills lot of responsibility in a couple and the dream vision you have of a marriage often vanishes after a few days. But Lillete and Ravi had very realistic expectations of marriage. "Thus it turned out pretty much as I had dreamt. Moreover, the fact that Ravi is one of my dearest friends above anything else, is something that helps a lot. We have so many common interests, and enjoy each other's company a great deal. He gives me all the space I need to be myself and explore everything I want to do and be in life', says Lillete.
Both complement each other rather well..." I am restless, impatient and often worry while he is optimistic, calm and clear in his thoughts. He has the quality of making me feel that things will work out and well and he guides me. At times Ravi's optimism gets the better of him and it is then that Lillete steps in and gives him sound practical advice."
"I view my relationship with my husband getting warmer, closer, better, deeper in the future - hopefully", says Lillete
A normal day in Lillete's life...
"In our profession, there is no real concept of a weekend as we are usually performing shows, in town or outside, shooting etc. But when I am free, I love playing bridge, reading, doing crosswords, and spending time with my family", describes Lillete.
Lillete has two daughters, Neha and Ira, and "they are my best performances - my best productions", says Lillete. "Nothing that I have done or might do can give me more joy, satisfaction or pride than my daughters. They complete me and make everything meaningful", states Lillete.
Given a chance Lillete would love to change her temper and people's tolerance with each other. Her fans love Lillete as Aunty Rose in Zubeida , Pimmi, the Punjabi mummy in Monsoon Wedding , the paan -eating mum in Gadar-Ek Prem Katha and the elder sister, Jaswinder Kapoor in Kal Ho Naa Ho .
She has directed many plays such as '30 days in September' and 'Breathe In Breathe Out'. She's now taking her latest play, 'Zen Katha ', around the country. The play is the story of Bodhidharma, the force behind what is now Zen Buddhism.
| Ritu Ghai | Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes |
July 20, 2006 in Celebrity Talk | Permalink | Comments (0)
Is marriage addictive?
A confirmed bachelor does a turnaround
The women, with the curiosity that characterizes their sex, try to delve into my past, looking for some long-lost love for whom I might be pining away. The guys think I'm irresponsible (not too much off the mark) and just want to have fun. There are others who try to get me back on to the right path. A friend who recently got married after 34 years of blissful bachelorhood called up and gave me a lecture on the delights of marriage. Said it was a good thing and that he regretted not having taken the plunge earlier. Apparently his wife doted on him and was a good companion and he was no longer as lonely as earlier. He gave me a lot of talk about sharing and caring and doing things together and the fun of it. Nearly convinced me of the existence of marital bliss, he did.
I believe him. I suppose marriage can get addictive. Remember Somerset Maugham's short story about the serial bigamist, who said he could not go through life, unless it was in a married state? He needed a woman with him every time. I suppose you get used to it and one can not blame these fellows. Though Maugham in another of his stories has the lead character saying that being married once is enough. I suppose one take's one pick.
Still it does seem to be an addiction and most married folk always try to persuade singletons like me to tread the same path. The inducements are the same: Someone to look after you and care for you and banish away all those lonely hours. Plus, they say, you have kids in the bargain. These are apparently delightful creatures to have around, even if they cost you many a good night's sleep. There are the usual problems of course, the odd argument, problems with in-laws, but all said "Net, net" as one of my friends put it, it's not a bad deal.
I know of divorced friends, who split after a few years of marriage, and find the transition very hard to make. "You get used to being married," said a friend who split with his wife after 4 years of marriage. I also know of a couple among my relatives who split after 10 years of marriage and promptly got married within a year. I suppose the married state did become an addiction for them.
Being addicted is fine, but they try to get you hooked as well. At the time of writing I have three women friends, all married, who are actively seeking brides for me. They call me regularly about "this nice girl in my office" or "this nice girl I know in the 8:10 Thane local".
On a couple of occasions I've exchanged emails and met these 'nice' girls. Unfortunately or otherwise, it hasn't worked out for me yet.
But these marriage-obsessed friends of mine won't give up. They seem to have taken it upon themselves to see me walk down the aisle. It was OK if your parents or grandparents said they wished to see you married before rolling in their graves, but to have friends apparently so concerned about your marriage is very touching, though also amusing.
The funny thing is they are so absolutely convinced that marriage is the right solution for most of one's problems. "Shaadi kar le.. sab theek ho jayega..." That's the answer I get whenever I discuss some of my problems with my close friends, whether it be about career, lack of money or the urge to travel. The sovereign remedy for all ills is matrimony.
Matchmaking is a full-time obsession for these marriage-addicted folk. They just can't see someone single without the urge to have him / her hitched up. To be fair, most of the people who're matchmaking seem to be genuinely happy about being married. However, they can't seem to fathom why somebody can be just as happy as a bachelor / spinster. And so they weave their infernal web around you.
In fact, I've often found that the urge to stay married is so strong (despite the apparent rise in divorce rates) that couples are willing to forgive everything. I know people who choose to stay married despite being cheated by their spouse. And it's not because of fear of ridicule. They just can't contemplate not being married. For the security, stability, respectability or whatever it provides. For them marriage really seems to be an addiction.
Women I think are more marriage-prone and obsessed with matrimony. At least in our country they're taught that it's the one big thing they've got do. Maugham's bigamist, Mortimer Ellis, probably hits the nail right on the head, when he says: "Women have got a craving to be married. It doesn't matter how young or how old they are. If they're tall or short, dark or fair, they've all got one thing in common: they want to be married... It's a mania with them... it's a disease."
It would only be fair to say that most men too are quite keen on marriage, especially after they've sown their wild oats and think its time to settle down. Maugham' Ellis, with eleven marriages behind him, was quite keen to make it what he called a "round dozen", saying he felt incomplete. And finally he does marry at the end of the story. So may be there is something to be said for matrimony, for most people do get married, whatever the statistics says. Come to think of it, I too might make a start some day.
| Sunil Nair | Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes |
The writer is a compulsive satirist on relationships. And publisher does not necessarily endorse his views. | |
July 20, 2006 in In Focus | Permalink | Comments (0)
Create your own jewellery style
The ethnic and elegant kundan that embellishes the bridal to look like the queen that she is on the day.
The D-day is around the corner and she wants to look like the most IN million dollars. Well, of course the prettiest thing on a bride is her blushing smile but to adorn the rest of her is the solah shringaar that is one of the many things she is looking forward to. Well, the talk of the season for bridal jewellery is the ethnic and elegant kundan that embellishes the bridal to look like the queen that she is on the day.
Its only kundan
Colourful chunky kundan coupled with 22-karat embellished gold or gold with antique polish is the look of the season. Match it with chunky kadas or chudas with jhumka chandelier earrings and the royal look is complete. Another favourite is the rodium polished gold that gives a white finish to yellow gold and the unique yellow-white combination makes for intriguing charm. Tanishq offers a range of exquisitely-crafted kundan jewellery beginning from one lakh onwards.
Colour codes
From imitation to original, colour is over-ruling all rules of beauty. If its not single colour jewellery with semi-precious stones like rubies, sapphires or amethysts it is the blooming meenakari jewellery that is becoming more popular as the taste of bridal jewellery this season. No subtle hues here but the reds and greens of earth and weddings, that the Shahrukh-starrer Paheli has helped bring in!
This spring season colour casts its spell on bridal jewellery in yet another way wherein it synthesises subtle hues of different semi-precious stones in one set to give off a vibrant fresh beauty. The pinks and blues and oranges in small measures amalgamate to make a look fresher than flowers!! The costs meander around the same territory as the kundan jewellery broadly.
Rock solid
But if one wishes to veer off the beaten traditional path and yet look with-the-times there is the diamond bridal collection of Kiah. If there is one that has stopped hearts and raced pulses it is the specific one sported by Sushmita Sen in the first campaign. 
Diamond jewellery is fast catching up with traditional gold and this season has seen a specific bent towards bridal diamond jewellery buyers. Kiah has a range of diamond sets with or without other semi-precious stones set in white and yellow gold that are exquisite just to behold. Ranges begin anywhere from two to three lakhs onwards.
Royal style
When it comes to style it is the chunky royal style that is the flavour of the season. Anitque gold polish for non-semi-precious studded jewellery is fit to make one look regal without any other help. Full flowing neck-pieces are slowly replacing chokers and long necklaces. Big Hema Malini finger rings and chunky Rajasthani kadas are in vogue for the hands.
And if nothing appeals to the bride-to-be then there is always the traditional and safe non-studded yellow gold 22-karat sets that will never go out of fashion. Like love, which is the occasion!
Tips for shopping brides:
- Keep the jewellery purchasing to the beginning of the month as new stocks and fresher designs come in then.
- Its easier to buy jewellery of-the-shelf but if theres nothing on the shelf to satisfy you completely, get it custom-made. But remember better brands take about a month to fashion your bridal custom order so plan ahead.
- Match the jewellery to yourself rather than your bridal outfit.
- Lastly, it is important to be in vogue but what will always be IN is yourself. Never compromise on that!
Good luck!
| Fatema Kagalwala | Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes |
July 20, 2006 in Fashion | Permalink | Comments (0)
Chipped nails are a sign of a bad diet
I've always had long nails but now I'm not able to grow them as they crack and don't look good.
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Jyoti Mehta She is a practising dietitian with Weigh To Live since the last 10 years. Her diets are personalised and are planned according to the individual's needs, lifestyle, and personal diet history. Have a question? Click here... |
Glowing face
Sonia asks,
I am 21 years old. I have got a very thin and charmless face. But my body is perfect. I do take proper diet, but nothing helps my face look healthy. My weight is 48 kg and my height is 5' 3.5"
Dear Sonia,
For a good glowing face you must have a bowl of leafy vegetables like spinach, chowli, methi, amaranth etc daily. A cup of sprouts, four servings of fruits and a bowl of salad every day along with 8 glasses of water will also help to make your face glow.
Fragile nails
Arnika asks,
Since the last 6-8 months, my nails have become very fragile and also developed cracks on the tips. I've always had long nails but now I'm not able to grow them as they crack and don't look good. Is it due to unhealthy diet?
Dear Arnika,
Fragile, chipped nails are a sign of a bad diet. You need to include foods that are rich in the B complex vitamins especially folic acid, and proteins. Whole grains, fruits and salads will give you the B complex vitamins and foods rich in protein are eggs, chicken, meat, fish, pulses and dals and all milk products. Drink plenty of water and include a serving of leafy vegetables in your daily diet.
Diet for a to-be mother
Priyanka asks,
I am two months pregnant. This is our first child. I don't like milk and am a vegetarian (no meat and fish!) Could you please suggest how / what to eat to keep me and the baby healthy?
Dear Priyanka,
During pregnancy it is very important to consume a healthy balanced diet. You must have plenty of fruits, salads and vegetables, a bowl of leafy vegetables and plenty of water. Your protein intake must also be increased. Since you are a vegetarian and do not like milk, increase your intake of dals and pulses. Milk products like paneer and curds must be a part of your diet. Ideally you must have 3 servings of milk and milk products daily. Soaked almonds and black currants also should be consumed daily. Take care and all the best for the future.
Small frequent meals
Raji asks,
I am a pure vegetarian. I am 78 kg and 29 years old. I want to reduce my weight. Will food like dates, protein (dal ) add to the weight? I wish to take iron foods. What are they? What are the vegetables which will help me lose weight?
Dear Raji,
What you need to do is eat small frequent meals. Have a good breakfast comprising of any cereal like khakhras, whole wheat bread, dalia, upma or poha. Snack on fruits between breakfast and lunch. For lunch eat 1 chapatti, a bowl of salad, a bowl of leafy vegetables, a cup of curds, a cup of dal and a cup of any vegetables. Between lunch and dinner again snack on fruits. If you are too hungry eat some kurmura or popcorn. For dinner have a chapatti with lots of vegetables, dal or pulses and curds. Paneer and curds made from skimmed milk, chana and tofu are all high protein foods that will not add to the weight gain. All vegetables except potatoes, sweet potato, suran and other starchy root vegetables help to lose weight. Leafy vegetables help to lose weight faster. 2-4 dates per day will not make you put on weight. Other foods containing iron are figs, apricots and leafy vegetables.
Tuck the tummy
Shiv asks,
I am fair and 5'2" feet tall. My engagement is next month. I have tried dieting but could not reduce my hips. What would be the quickest way to tuck the tummy in? Can you suggest some diet?
Dear Shiv,
Eat plenty of fruits, salads, leafy vegetables to lose weight faster. You can also increase the protein intake in the diet. Eat at least 1 cup of paneer made from skimmed milk, or tofu or 3 oz of chicken daily to get extra protein. The quickest way to tuck your tummy is to exercise.
Jyoti Mehta will answer your queries. Ask now!
July 20, 2006 in Expert Advice | Permalink
Can I remarry my divorced wife?
There is no provision in the Hindu Marriage Act that bars you, that you cannot get remarried to your divorced wife again.
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Siddhartha Shah A practicing advocate of Mumbai High Court. He specialises in Civil, Criminal, International and Matrimonial Laws. He opines on Indian Laws and the Legal System. Have a question? Click here... |
Mental cruelty
Sachin V asks,
I have been married since 3 months under Hindu matrimonial laws. But my marriage has not consummated because of various reasons. The girl basically doesn't like the act of intercourse. In other words she is frigid. My mother-in-law and my wife have behaved very arrogantly and tortured me mentally and my wife left my house and went to her house along with her mother. Now, my in-laws have painted me as impotent to all their relatives and also my relatives.
I don't see a future with this girl, as there is lot of mistrust between the families now.
My questions are:
Dear Sachin,
You could definitely file your papers before the family forum at the place of jurisdiction where you reside for obtaining divorce on the grounds of mental cruelty committed by your wife. You may if required may even file for judicial separation on the grounds of mental cruelty and harassment. As regards your second query the time frame in a contested divorce matter cannot be predicted as it entirely depends upon how the court proceedings take place and what kind of opposition you will face from the other side. Generally a contested divorce may take two to five years for the final pronouncement of the court's decree or order again depending upon the facts and the circumstances of each case. But a mutual consent petition would take generally six to eight months for its pronouncement of final decree.
Special Marriage Act
Rakesh asks,
I am staying in Bangalore and I like a girl whom I want to marry. She is of age 27 and I am 29 years old. Both are working in an IT industry for the last 4 years and earning handsome money. Her parents are opposing this marriage as it is intercaste and not of their status. My parents agreed for this marriage. I told her parents that I like her and I would like to marry her but they are not interested. Is there any way to make them agree? Or shall we go for registered marriage?
Dear Rakesh,
Legally you can definitely get married to your girl friend since you both are of a marriageable age as per law. Since you have mentioned the fact that you both are of different caste, if you both profess Hindu religion, then you may get married according to Hindu rites under the Hindu Marriage Act. You can get your marriage registered under the Hindu Marriage act. But if either of you are of different religion then you may get married and get you marriage registered under the provisions of Special Marriage Act.
Can I remarry my divorced wife?
R M Sharma asks,
Can I remarry my divorced wife? What if I stay with her after divorce?
Dear Mr. Sharma,
Presuming that you are governed under the Hindu Marriage Act, there is no provision in the Act that bars you, that you cannot get remarried to your divorced wife again. But with regards the second query sought by you, you may live or stay with her only after obtaining prior consent from her, even after getting divorced.
Marrying a foreigner
Manoj More asks,
What are the legal formalities in marrying a person of another country? For example: A Russian and settling in India.
Dear Manoj,
You can definitely get married in India under the Special Marriage Act 1954 before the Registrar of Marriages at the appropriate place in India. The Special Marriage Act ,1954 requires certain preliminaries to the solemnization of marriage. It should be kept in view that marriages under the Act are essentially civil marriages, and the Act provides for civil formalities and procedures.
Notice of Marriage and its publication - Under the Act notice of marriage is to be given by both the parties to marriage . It has to be given to the Marriage Officer of the District where one of the parties to the marriage has resided for a period of not less than 30 days immediately preceding the date on which such notice is given. In the notice the names, the status (unmarried, widow/widower or divorcee), ages and dwelling place of both the parties are to be stated. The length of residence and the permanent dwelling (if the present dwelling place is not a permanent residence) are also to be stated.
Solemnization of marriage - Before a marriage can actually be solemnized, the bride and bridegroom are individually required to file a declaration. Each declaration should contain: the status of the bride (or bridegroom as the case may be) at the time of marriage i.e. whether he or she is unmarried, divorce or widow/widower, the age, and a statement that he or she is not related to the other within the degrees of prohibited relationship.
No marriage under the Act shall be complete and binding unless each party says to the other in the presence of the Marriage Officer and three witnesses and in the language understood to the parties.
Child custody
Bansi asks,
I am a 30- year- old Gujarati married to a Parsi in Feb 2002. The marriage survived for 6 months. Since the past 2 years I'm with my parents. I have an 18-month-old daughter. I don't want to give any custody of my daughter to him. I asked for mutual divorce and he asked for money from me. What should I do?
Dear Bansi,
You can definitely file your papers to the appropriate family Court for obtaining divorce by mutual consent, this can be only possible if your husband is ready and willing to give his consent for the same. Now if your husband does not give consent for the said divorce then you cannot file for divorce under mutual consent. In this case you may avail the legal recourse by filing for judicial separation before the respective family forum at the place where you reside. In fact you are entitled for maintenance from him for you and your child. As regards the custody of your child you may make immediate application with regards the same along with the application of the judicial separation and claiming your maintenance at the respective family forum at the place of your jurisdiction.
Siddhartha Shah will answer your queries. Ask now!
July 20, 2006 in Expert Opinion | Permalink
July 13, 2006
Kunal Ganjawala
When he received two trophies at 50th Filmfare awards, he realised that this is the stuff dreams are made of.
Billie Holiday, the American Jazz singer from the 1930s to 1950s had once said - "If I'm going to sing like someone else, then I don't need to sing at all"
True to this statement - she was a completely natural singer who probably never took a serious music lesson in her life. But her amazing voice and sense of timing coupled with an ability to pitch a note exactly right made her one of the finest jazz singers of America.
She was different and so is Kunal Ganjawala.
And this very quality makes him a versatile artist. He is a completely natural singer who simply does not sound like someone else. Even though he is the most happening singer on the Bollywood music scene today, he never, in his wildest thoughts, thought he would be a singer. "I became a singer by chance. I never knew I could sing until I sang", tells Kunal. "It was my college friends who urged me to sing and try my luck as a professional singer. I had a good voice and I was always listening to music", explains Kunal Ganjawala.
Hard to believe after his songs such as 'Bheege Hooth Tere ', 'Channa Vey ', 'Kaal Dhamaal ' and the very latest 'Salaam Namaste ' proved to be major chartbusters. His melodious voice, modesty, his honest confession and his faith in himself made him what he is today.
In an exclusive interview with shaaditimes, he states that it was Poornima Tripathi and Ranjit Barot who changed his life around.
"Poornimaji picked me up from a college competition in 1992", says this alumni of Elphinstone college, Mumbai. "She took me to a studio where R.D. Burman used to record. Punchamda always had a huge influence on my life, so this was like a starting point of my career. In 1997 she introduced me to Hindi music director - Ranjit Barot. After meeting him my life took a complete turn. He put complete trust in me and gave me a chance. Meeting him was the best thing that could have happened to me as till date no one had given me a chance. I was very different in my singing and according to the film industry, I had to sound like someone to make myself heard. But I had my own voice and style and my mentors always told me that this quality would infact make me successful," elaborates Kunal. True to their prediction, he did become successful with the help of Poornima, Ranjit, Louis Banks (India's premier Jazz pianist) and Shankar and thousands of his fans.
Indeed amazing for a person who never sang consciously but only when bullied by his friends to sing.
The singers he admires are Lataji, Kishoreji, Mukesh sahab and many more. " I like music and like listening to even musicians who are nor singers. I enjoy South Indian classical music, orchestra groups from the west like Zeal, Laco and singers like Sting", says Kunal. "I was greatly influenced by Punchamda as his music was very lively, very young and even as we were listening to western music at college, his music kind of got absorbed into our system without us even realising", Kunal tells us.
Poornima got him in the mainstream arena and the after years of hard work the first big song he did was from the film 'Saathiya ' - humdum suniyo re .
He didn't have any dreams of being a singer but when he received two trophies on the same night on 26th February 2004 at 50th Filmfare awards, he realised that this is the stuff dreams are made of. "I got a trophy for my song, 'Bheege Hooth Tere ' and an award instituted in the name of my idol - R.D. Burman music award. And the same night the black trophies turned into gold and I was elated", says a beaming Kunal Ganjawala. And if you all do not know - Bheege Hooth tere was a one take song and even Anu Malik was amazed.
Speaking on special moments of his life he tells us, "My most memorable moment was when Poornimaji picked me up from the college function in 1992, when I met Ranjit Barot in 1997. Infact every day I spend with my parents is memorable. The day I got married is equally cherished", tells Kunal Ganjawala. Kunal is married to Gayatri Iyer who is herself a talented singer having sung jingles and songs of Gurinder Chaddha's movie 'Bride and Prejudice'. She was also the female lead for Michael Ward's £4-million musical 'Far Pavilions'.
Personally speaking, he sounds very happy basking in the glory of success and being blessed with what life has given him. He confesses that he is a funny person and likes playing pranks. He also maintains that one has to work hard to find their niche.
He is a cusp between Leo and Virgo, having born on 24th August. He has no favourite colour and it all depends on what he is looking at. If it is clothes, there is a particular colour, if it is furniture its another colour. Any shade that is subtle does for me. He advises aspiring singers to be passionate about what they are doing. "Do not fear, never hold back and love what you are doing. It will reflect in your work. Art never lies and one can hide behind the garb of another character but one can't hide their voice".
| Ritu Ghai | Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes |
July 13, 2006 in Celebrity Talk | Permalink | Comments (0)
Do women like to 'reform' men?
The world is full of these reformers and do-gooders-women who think they ought to be in charge and fuss over him and try to make him a better person.
You bet they do. Ask me. My poor, battered carcass has been on the receiving end of such feminine ministrations on quite a few occasions.
I remember the first time it happened to me. I was a callow youth then, just stepping out to sow my wild oats, and I fell in love. It happens to everybody. The girl in question was what we call a 'good' girl. Very prim and proper, studious, never bunking class, et al. In fact, just the opposite of everything I was. And opposites attract and I was attracted and I so I finally uttered those three fatal words. Thankfully, my guardian angel was at Action Stations and disaster was averted. She turned me down. Which is nothing new to me. Happens practically every time. What I was unprepared for was the matronly advice attached to the rejection slip.
"No, Sunil, you must not do these things. This is not right. You've got good brains (fooled her there!). You ought to pay attention to your studies. Don't waste your time doing all this. All this is not good."
What "all this" was she did not care to elaborate, but the thing struck me forcefully. I mean, here you are pouring your heart out to a girl and looking forward to a romp in the hay, and what do you get? Unsolicited advice. Crushed my spirit, it did.
And that was not all, for, being a stubborn fellow, I did not give up. But I would get more of the same every time. I was reprimanded for not paying attention to studies, for hanging around with the "wrong" kind of people (guys who smoked and drank and got into fights), of spending more time in the canteen and the gym than in the classroom.
Actually it was quite flattering, to have someone tell you these things and I fooled myself into thinking that maybe she cared for me. Well, to cut a long story short, nothing came of it and she married and went away.
But she was not the last of her kind. The girl with the reforming zeal is quite common, you see. The world is full of these reformers and do-gooders-women who can not let a guy be, who think they ought to be in charge and fuss over him and try to make him a better person. Literature is full of it. Ask Huckleberry Finn. Poor fellow, the widow Douglas made his life miserable making him take a bath and wear clean clothes and not letting him smoke or swear, but then may be he didn't change because she was an old hag. Our Hindi movies are also full of these girls, trying to reform hooligans with love and care and maternal advice. Takes the fun out of a guy's life.
As I said earlier, these pests abound. May be it's the maternal spirit in them, may be it's a sadistic streak, or may be they're just plain jealous, but they won't let a guy have a good time.
We had in our neighbourhood a guy who was an uber cad. He failed to clear his college exams after three attempts and spent his time loafing around, a cigarette dangling from his lips, making passes at all the girls that passed by. You would have thought the women would have given him the cold shoulder, but they did not. He had several affairs, and each of the women tried to reform him. The most-sought-after girl in the locality fell for him and apparently took it upon herself to make a better man of him. He did not mend his ways of course, and she finally gave up.
Some of my friends have also married such reformers and are now going through the wringer. So the fellow who boasted cheeks that resembled a thicket now has one that reminds you of a baby's bottom. He shaved about once in two weeks and was not too particular about clothes, but now a razor and clean togs have become an inescapable part of his life. He looks harried, poor fellow, but there's little he can do.
Another friend who doesn't wear T-Shirts to office anymore because his wife feels it's beneath his dignity as a senior functionary. She wants him to "look smart" she says. She might have just as well strangled him.
These reformers also have a bee in their bonnets about drink. They would do credit to a temperance union, the way they go on about the dangers of drink.
An old friend with whom I was once intimate was shocked when I've told her about a night out with boys. "You've begun to drink!!?" and then proceeded to give me a lecture on vices. She'd once said she never wanted to see me again but after that encounter she called me up regularly to "check that you're not ruining your life" as she put it.
What afflicts these women? I don't know. Why are they bent on brining wayward males back on to the right path? In India, the common cure for such men is to get them married. "He'll improve when he's got some responsibility" is the prevailing wisdom. Doesn't always work, I can tell you. A very good friend of mine was married off on the grounds that marital responsibilities would shake him up and get him back on his feet. Has it? No, Sir. The situation as of now: His wife, who'd decided to take a break after marriage, is now back to work full time, while he does what he calls "free-lance" work. Translation: He works for may be 2-3 days a week and gets his pocket money while his wife takes care of the bills. He did try to go straight though: worked at a call centre for 2 months but then gave up saying it clashed with what he calls "family obligations". He felt guilty about not spending enough time with his wife.
So there you are. Why don't these women learn? They seem to think they're some kind of angel who just needs to wave a wand and, hey, presto! Naughty boy turns into respectable husband material! Ha! They learn at their peril.
| Sunil Nair | Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes |
The writer is a compulsive satirist on relationships. And publisher does not necessarily endorse his views. | |
July 13, 2006 in In Focus | Permalink | Comments (0)
Enchanting embroidery
Current trends in embroidery are sophisticated with the use of crystals, or natural using coins.
Embroidery is an integral part of fashion and weddings. They say beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, and anyone who beholds well-done embroidery will find it beautiful. Embroidery helps to give the right look to an outfit. Over the years, be it in the Moghul Era or contemporary times, the look may have changed, but intrinsic designs done with threads and beads are always appreciated.
Current trends in embroidery are sophisticated with the use of crystals, or natural using coins. A plethora of silhouettes has given rise to variations in embroidery.
Get stoned - "Stone embroidery is absolutely 'in vogue' this season, not only on ghaghras , but also in saris and salwar -suits. Stonework can really highlight thread embroidery," said Punit L., chief designer with Mayurkala, Marine Lines, Mumbai.
The stones can be embedded as a centerpiece on necklines or on the back of the blouse. "If budget is not an issue then they can be lined as a hem in dupattas or ghaghras ," said Punit.
Bewitching brooches - Another trend setter this season are brooches. They are extensively used on saris and one can have a brooch on the waistband of ghaghras . "These waist bands looks very classy when teamed with stone studded tassels and a brooch as a central piece," said Punit.
Fascinating patchwork - The age old patchwork is chic this bridal season. "Different motifs, when crafted in to asymmetrical shapes can enhance the fabrics to a great extent. This particular style is very popular in chiffon and georgette saris ," said Punit.
Scintillating sequins - Though sequin-work may not be in, but in combination with pitta work and thread work it is still very popular. Bright coloured sequins are also in.
Charming coins - Coin work is also a hit as it can give the gypsy look, at the same time, when teamed with beads it can look really sophisticated. Coins some times are given a metallic coloured look to go with the fabric.
Trading on threads - "One of the evergreen types is the Kashmiri embroidery which never goes out of style. This work looks great if pastel thread work is used on soft colours. Thread work when combined with antique work gives an ostentatious look," said Punit.
Get classy with antique - Antique work on a ghaghra-choli is also making a rage. Embroidery embellished with colour stones like rubies and emeralds makes any bridal outfit look rich. "Antique Moghul embroidery can look very classy along with stones. Dull gold also looks beautiful," adds Punit.
How to take care of your wedding outfit
- Save the bag your dress came in to protect the outfit en route to the cleaner.
- Select a professional dry cleaner, preferably one that specializes in wedding wear.
- Get the outfit to the cleaner as soon as possible after your wedding.
- Alert the cleaner to any stains - a drop of bubbly, or any ornaments that were glued rather than sewn on (these pieces are prone to fall off during the cleaning process) and to loose stitches. This information will ensure that your cleaner can give your dress the best care possible.
- Ask your cleaner for a special acid-free box to store your dress in, and pack it in acid-free tissue paper. You can also hang the dress by the bodice by sewing straps that are a bit shorter than the bodice onto the waist, placing on a padded hanger and wrapping in a clean white cotton sheet.
- Store the dress in a dry place, out of direct sunlight.
- Inspect your dress on each anniversary to check for any discolored areas or missed stains and to allow your dress to "breathe."
| Swati Shah | Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes |
July 13, 2006 in Fashion | Permalink | Comments (0)
Hot Male
Indian men spend an average of 20 minutes per day in front of the mirror in the morning.
Male talk is hot... Well, it's always been. But today, guys are news! Not just what they've done or who they're with... but what they wear, their attitude, and style. It's the lethal combination separating the kitsch from the class and launching the Indian male on the global stage. The Indian raja has literally turned a new page in the history books, so to speak. From the days of old when his father or grandfather were content with a visit to the barber shop a couple of times a year, the Indian male has galvanized his vision of his own future and his image, moulding it and rewriting a few beauty truths as he goes along.
The desi dulha has developed into one of the most sought after and viable consumers in India breaking the teeny-boppers and generation X'ers to the bank. According to a joint report from IMRB and Henley Centre, an international marketing consultancy, 9% of urban Indian household budgets are now spent on personal grooming.
"Another recent marketing study found that in India's six largest cities the percentage of households buying men's deodorant brands rose to 16.5% last year from 9.9% in 2003."
Indian men spend an average of 20 minutes per day in front of the mirror
Our desi male prototype is anywhere between 18-55 years in age. He's upwardly mobile, probably an urban professional and manages to find a balance between global trends, and apna domestic style. According to a recent survey conducted by Gillette India, Indian men spend an average of 20 minutes per day in front of the mirror in the morning as opposed to Indian women who notched 18. He may splurge on a Roberto Cavielli shirt, and is equally at ease as putting down a hundred rupees on bleach, and cream to even out his complexion.
"Some of the taboos of the past are exactly that," says renowned make-up artist and make-up manufacturers Bharat Godambe of the famous make-up line Bharat and Doris. "What was considered not done in the past is acceptable and in some cases necessary, especially in urban cities which are polluted. The environmental concerns require additional maintenance and care especially for skin and hair."
Must Haves For Men (available at Bharat and Doris stores Mumbai)
Prices start at Rs. 390 and up
Lip Balm - for chapped and cracked lips
Skin Tonic - Lavender Base - good for all skin types, a mild astringent
Active Retinol A for eyes - to soften lines around the eyes
Bronzers - powder format - natural, tan, bronze
Cheek Glisten - Natural Shine
Body Bronzer - All over bronzer spray to give depth to muscles, and cover skin irregularities.
Hair Serum - To give a shine to the hair.
Zoom's latest poll heralded John Abraham as India's biggest hunk for 2005. "... with his trademark long ragged hair, his toned muscles like Corvettes, gives Abraham a coveted Greek God like stature enhanced by his dusky Indian features and envied by every other red-blooded male in India." So while the women swoon and sigh the men are busy clinking the clunk and putting a chunk of moolah on upgrading their image and looks.
The look for hair is definitely the just-out-of-bed tousled look
"It's not uncommon to find people requesting a certain look," says Natasha Naegamvala, celebrated hairstylist and the daughter of Nalini of Nalini and Yasmin salons in Mumbai. "Men are really into personal grooming, but with regards to hair this is the year definitely of colour and highlighting. The younger man is turning towards bolder, richer streaks while the older professional is enhancing his looks with fine highlights to create subtle warmth to his demeanor," she observes. "This year the look for hair is definitely the just-out-of-bed tousled look, spikes are still in, and the longer hair is making a comeback among all age groups."
Bharat Godambe agrees, "It's the norm now to have men want to look their best," but warns, "One has to be careful to use the products sparingly." More products and more choices can also lead to confusion. "I think you need to go to a professional hair and skin expert or to a spa. The more information you receive on the products will afford you the correct information."
"Gel, hair scrunchers, and serum would be the perennials required to maintain or change the look of the hair," says Natasha.
Some of the more common requests for Bharat have been for coverage, "Blemish marks, uneven skin tones have always been a problem for some men. I recommend using a light bronzer and setting it with a splash of mineral water spray," he continues, "You don't want to use too much of anything," he says.
Current style icon favourites include Aamir Khan and John Abraham
Some of the current style icon favourites include Aamir Khan and John Abraham - both received a thumbs-up from Natasha and Bharat due to their continuous ability to re-invent their style each year. Bharat also gives kudos to Sanjay Dutt, Sunny Deol and Jackie Shroff. "In the old days we had our Rajesh Khannas, Shammi Kapoors, and Manoj Kumars. They were of natural build and didn't have access to gyms, spas, and other techniques the stars of today have at their disposal."
For the guy not wanting to dig too deep into his pocket for pampering in the upper scale salons, Jasbeer Santosh and Raju of Sliver Spot Juhu have the answer. "We stick with the basics, a face-clean-up, bleaching, facial at least once a month," is what they recommend. "We have clients who come from abroad and want to know how to get the oil therapy at home. Says Jasbeer. "I think the oil massage is still the number one request and a tried and true tradition in India especially amongst men which can not be replaced or changed. It's a way to clear your head and keep your brain cool too," she laughs.
Jasbeer and Raju's Oil Massage
1/2 cup or less oil - it can be coconut, olive oil, vitamin e oil, almond oil or a combination of all.
Heat for two minutes in a bowl of hot water until oil is tepid.
Take a couple of pieces of cotton.
Section your hair and rub oil which has been placed on cotton on your scalp.
Leave for a maximum of one half hour.
Shampoo hair twice.
So now that grooming is in place... let's accessorise...
"Men are buying anything from bracelets, belts, necklaces, to body tattoos," says Narpat Singh, owner, BLS at Citi Mall, Mumbai. "They want to look more like the television heroes than Bollywood heroes," observes Singh. "This last year I noticed a great jump in sales especially the tattoos which are popular and can be worn anywhere on the upper arm or back, especially for the bulkier man." Some popular request include a Salman Khan silver bracelet, hand-made chains like the one made for the stars of Saas bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi and Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki.
Our average Joe despite the barrage of elite designer marketing campaigns tends to purchase designer wear at random and Indian designer wear on occasion as opposed to the fairer sex. He prefers to buys prêt a porter and volumes have increased ten-fold in the past five years for many retailers across India...
According to Nadir Ismail, owner, Evolve Citi Mall, "Cargo pants, loose fits, are evergreen. Colours are still basic with blacks, beiges and khaki's the most popular. Although bright shirts in florals, and large Puccini type prints have done well this year in cotton and polyester mixes," says Nadir. He adds, "The tighter spandex fitting shirts are also popular among young men. The older trendier guys opt for lighter and ethnic fabrics like bright bandhini shirts which have a looser fit."
Natasha sums it up the best: "Each part of us has to try and be our best... along with hair, skin, clothes and accessories, the most appealing thing about a guy would certainly be his carriage and composure."
| Rohini Bhatia-Singh | Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes |
July 13, 2006 in Expert Advice | Permalink | Comments (0)
Stop nagging
Nagging. It's an easy trap in which to fall. Before you get married, make a decision not to nag each other.
Maya was funny, well groomed, articulate and intelligent. Rohit and Maya had been married for five years. Maya thought they had an excellent relationship. They shared the same interests, the same goals in life and the same ideals. They seemed like the ideal married couple.
Then Rohit had an affair. Radhika, the woman he "fell in love with" was plain, dull and very different from Rohit. No one could understand what Rohit saw in Radhika. The truth was, he felt comfortable.
Maya and Rohit had enjoyed "playful arguments". Their conversations were peppered with sarcasm, criticism and put-downs. Maya constantly reminded Rohit of his failings, of the things he needed to get around to doing, of his defects and his faults. "All in fun", Maya used to tell her friends. But somewhere along the way, Rohit stopped finding this kind of relationship "fun". His self-esteem suffered. He felt unappreciated and unloved. He felt insecure and alienated from Maya. Rohit wasn't very good at expressing his feelings. Instead he silently smoldered.
Then Radhika came into Rohit's life. Radhika never put him down. She never told Rohit he was stupid. She never mocked him in front of his friends. Radhika reminded him of his good points, listened and encouraged. Sure, they didn't have a lot in common, but Rohit finally felt safe and admired. And they started having an affair.
Nagging. It's an easy trap in which to fall. Before you get married, make a decision not to nag each other. This is one of the reasons relationship works well. Nagging seems to come in many shapes and forms. The nagger seldom admits to what they are doing.
How often have you heard yourself say:
"I'm just reminding you about that..."
"You won't forget to..."
"I've asked you before not to just..."
How can you break the pattern? It is the responsibility of both partners. Agree together that you will break the nagging pattern. The nagger needs to approach problems differently, seeking solutions.
Talk together about how you can improve your communication and reduce the nagging pattern. Who is responsible for what in your household? What motivates you? How do you feel when things don't get done? Look for solutions. If you can stop nagging and manipulating, you'll discover a spouse who is much more responsive and interested in a loving relationship. If you can respond more quickly to your partner's needs, you'll find a partner who is able to give up the nagging habit.
Encouragement
Everyone needs encouragement. In a study completed recently by the "Journal of Divorce and Remarriage" four of the top reasons for divorce were:
- unmet emotional needs
- couples growing apart
- boredom
- a demeaning relationship
Encouraging spouses could have eased all four of these problems. Building up your partner meets their emotional needs. Encouraging and supporting your partner helps you both grow closer together. Encouragement helps open up communication lines and allows you to get to know each other more, and appreciate each other more. Try letting your partner know at least once (preferably many times) a day how much you love them. Loving is not a chore, it's a privilege.
Criticism
Criticism can erode the warm feelings produced by encouragement. An old proverb tells us that it takes at least nine encouraging messages to make up for one criticism. You may be completely unaware of how often you put down your partner. Despite their smile or laugh, a criticism can always hurt. Criticism hurts even more when it happens in front of other people. Criticism is contagious. When with friends, never criticise your partner, whether or not they are present. It seems to be "the done thing" to run down your partner when you are with your mates. It's not healthy for your marriage. We criticise because we want to make ourselves feel better. We criticise because we have low self-esteem. A good remedy for a critical person is love. Build up their self-esteem through encouragement and they may feel confident enough in themselves to stop criticising. It is very difficult to encourage and love a negative person, but it's worth it. Communicate. Tell your partner how you feel, not what they are doing wrong.
July 13, 2006 in Expert Opinion | Permalink
