Why Koena looks drop dead gorgeous

A strict workout regime and diet go hand in hand, says Koena Mitra the Bengali lass.

"A strict workout regime and a good diet go hand in hand," says Koena Mitra the Bengali lass, who wowed the audiences with sizzling numbers like 'Saaki Saaki ' in Musafir and 'Khullam Khulla ' in Road.

All geared to set the screen on fire with Fardeen Khan in 'Ek Khiladi, Ek Hasina ', Koena shares her fitness secrets with Shaaditimes.

Dancing is the best exercise
I workout in the gym everyday for one and a half hour, unless I am shooting outdoors. Fitness is extremely important for me and I take time out to workout.

I am lucky, as I don't have a tendency to put on weight, so I focus more on toning the body than on losing weight. My workout routine consists mostly of weight training. I hardly do any cardio, but when I look bloated and feel the need to shed a couple of pounds, then I switch on to cardio.

For me, the best form of exercise is dancing. Being a trained classical dancer, I love to dance and hence enjoy my workouts.

I don't follow a strict diet
Diet wise, I am not too hot on rich food. Though I must admit that I love spicy food. I don't have a strict diet and I don't starve myself. Crash diets are not the right answers to lose weight. If you have a balanced diet and eat the right thing, at the right time you can maintain a good figure.

The only thing that I take care of is that I don't eat too much of carbohydrates especially after 8 pm. I try and take in a lot of proteins. I avoid junk food. Otherwise, I have a simple diet, which generally comprises dal, sabzi, meat or fish (once in a week) and salads.

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I love Bengali food
I don't eat rice, which being a hard-core Bong, is the toughest sacrifice that I've ever made in life. Besides, chicken, and salads, I love Bengali food. They have a different aroma and a delicious taste. Fish is my favourite and I can eat any kind of fish - grilled, fried or curried.

I also keep away from sweets, though I binge occasionally. I don't eat in between meals. Fruits and salads are my favourite snacks. I prefer eating a fruit whenever I'm hungry.

Water is something that I don't miss during the day. I drink lots of water to keep my fluid level high. Besides, it's also good for a glowing skin.

I cook occasionally
I am not a professional cook but I can cook non-vegetarian food myself. But generally I am so tired that I don't get the time to cook. I love to make mustard fish, prawn curry and mutton whenever I have the time or if I have friends coming over.

My favourite non-veg dish is mustard fish. I don't follow any particular recipe. I marinate the fish with mustard and oil first and then grill it in the microwave. You can even fry it but I prefer to grill my fish.

Avantika Bahuguna

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

What some women get away with...

"She can get away without having to pay a bill at a party!" says Naved Jafferi.

Last week we spoke about men, their world and what they could get away with that women couldn't... in all fairness to them and to both sexes, ShaadiTimes decided to turn the tables on the equation and put the gentler sex in the hot seat. What can women get away with that men cannot allegorically and in the true sense of the word?

Despite the logistics of it being a man's world women haven't done too badly to date, and as history attests some of the great writers, thinkers, philosophers (both men and women) have been rhapsodised, mesmerised, and totally enthralled with the female form, her spirit and all that she stands for and up against.

Billy Joel said it succinctly in his song, 'Always a woman ', "She's ahead of her time. Oh-and she never gives out. And she never gives in. She just changes her mind...." One philosopher wrote, "Next to God, we are indebted to women, first for life itself, and then for making it worth having." On the flip side another notable wrote: "One issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women" (H.L. Mencken), ouch... and the debate continues...

Let's find out from the glitterati and Mumbaiites what they felt about this... What can women actually get away with that men cannot? Are men really putty in her hands; is she a whisper the winds breath can break? Or the pillar of strength and a backbone of resources to realise her own and her man's success?

Filmmaker and Event Manager, Mohamed Morani says, "Basically women are unpredictable, and yet they can do everything, even the impossible." His wife and partner, Lucky agrees, "They are stronger than men, and they can take on more problems than men." Mohamed says, "A woman can be charming and make you see her way." Lucky jokes, "Women can declare they have PMS and get away with everything!"

Television Host, Naved Jafferi, of Boogie Woogie  fame, jokes, "Why are women's minds cleaner than men's? Because they change it so often." On a more serious note, he admits, "A woman can make or break a man." He continues, if a man is doing something, he needs her full support, sometimes to push the man to give his best." Back to the humour, Naved says, "A woman can get away without having to pay a bill at a party or restaurant, they can get away with attitude, which maybe guys aren't capable of, a woman can also be pushy, calling ten times a day and no one minds." His pet peeves, "Crying, tears, asking for presents, and changing their minds." He sums it up, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

Jewellery designer Sujata Sengupta believes, "A woman can convince a man of the truth if she wants to." She adds, "She can lie her way out of a situation if she wants to, but above all a woman can say sorry and actually sound like she means it." She laughs and continues, "A man never will say he's sorry as an apology while a woman always apologises even when she isn't in the wrong. I guess a woman doesn't have egoism or chauvinism areas which men have to deal with." She concludes, "We give in very easily, we don't take things to our heart as opposed to a man. You forgive, but you don't forget."

Food And Beverage Manager of the Holiday Inn at Juhu, Mr. Arun Pandit feels a woman can bring a man to his knees. "A woman wants a man to be perfect while a man will accept her imperfections and flaws, if in love." He continues, "A woman can break a man with her attitude. Look at some our top politicians, top artists, they are all women." According to Pandit a man is valued more on his accomplishments and success while in contrast a woman is for her intelligence and beauty. "If a woman is beautiful and intelligent she can get away with anything."

Housewife Pinky Wadhwani, and daughter Sonal, a college student, agree to disagree. Pinky believes a woman can get away with almost anything if she wants." Daughter Sonal agrees, but qualifies, "Women are the only ones that can have babies, and although they can resort to emotional blackmailing they usually make it in this world on their achievements." Pinky observes on a lighter note, "women can get away with flirting, bitchy remarks, crying, asking for sympathy, and shopping."

Fatema Kagalwala

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

Gloss over

Make-up rules by famed artist, Sandeep Limbachia

Make-up and its mystery has always enticed women... from Maybelline to MAC, we've all tried and tested and experimented with the innovative. And just when we thought we had it down to a science, something new becomes en vogue and what we've learned goes out for a toss.

I think we've all visited the make-up counter at the local store where, in a swish, the make-up artist is able, with the Midas touch, to rid the ordinary in us and bring out a more glamorous, dramatic and perhaps, even a little more romantic version of one's self. And it seems no matter how much money we spend on all the right things - make-up, accessories, tools (brushes, combs, pencils etc.), we just can never seem to get it right.

Either we put too much on or not enough. Either the colours don't seem to enhance our tone or complexion in anyway or they don't go with our outfits. How many times have you cringed looking at photos where your lipstick doesn't match with your outfit? What looked good in real life always doesn't mesh in front of the camera. And at the end of the entire process, we've learned how to waste valuable time and are resigned to the dull, bland everydayness of ourselves.

Well, take heart. So are there rules to follow and can these rules be individually moulded to suit each individual's specific requirements? ShaadiTimes tapped the expertise of make-up artist, Sandeep Limbachia, to find out if there is something you can do at home that will actually work.

Limbachia has been a part of the film make-up industry for the past eight years. He's a second-generation make-up artist. "My father, Dashrath, was the make-up artist to Bollywood legends like Sanjeev Kumar and Ranjeet in the 60s," he says.

Sandeep had the opportunity to use his artistic skills on some of Bollywood's most beautiful women. He's done the make-up for Koena Mitra, Sameera Reddy and many television actresses. His favourite is Kulraj Kaur Randhawa of 'Kareena Kareena ' fame.

"I feel any woman can look better with make-up if it's done properly," says Sandeep. "Less is definitely more. But you have to know where and how to apply the make-up properly to make the full use of whatever make-up you are applying," he admits.

According to Sandeep, using professional make-up is intrinsic to the success of the results upon completion. He recommends Chyron (a German Brand), Bobbi Brown, or MAC that is used for film / television.

"Bridal make-up is done differently from make-up for television or film," says Sandeep. He adds, "A Muslim bride will definitely look different than a Hindu or Catholic bride. For Indian weddings, the colours are into reds and can be glossy or matte. A Catholic bride would probably look at pinks and peaches rather than the maroon palates to complement the white bridal dress."

Sandeep observes, "The trends in films have been for heroines to opt for light shades giving a more natural, young and fresh look. Also, many actresses want some of the little impurities, such as freckles, to show on their skin."

In applying make-up to the face, Sandeep says, "Shading is the single most important technique to learn. You first daub on base with your fingertips and pat with a damp sponge so it sets. Secondly, you take a dark powder and lightly brush it under you chin bone, cheekbones and, depending on the shape of your face, the sides of your face. If you have a long nose, you may want to brush the contour powder between your nostrils or on the bridge of your nose. If your nose is wide, you can brush contour powder on the sides of the nose. Once that is done, you will set your face with light face powder brushed over the entire face. Eye shadow should be used sparingly and kept within the parameters of the eyelid line. You don't want to smudge the line too much outside the eye area as it can give the impression of dark circles. You can use lip pencil to outline your lips. If your lips are large, you may want to use a brown lip pencil and if they are small use a light pink and outline just outside the line and fill in with a matching lip color," suggests Sandeep.

If you have a long face, "Shape your forehead and chin area. The oval face is the perfect shape. Square and round should be shaped on the sides to give a more narrow definition," says Sandeep.

"To enhance your eyes, use a thick line and lots of mascara. Black kajal  looks good on any woman," adds Sandeep.

5 Must Haves Mascara Base Powder Lipstick White Pencil

Men's Must Haves Powder Base Dark Powder (Contouring) Cheek Shades Chap stick

Sandeep on:

Sameera Reddy
"Sameera looked wonderful in the movie, Musafir . She had used body paint to give her a dusky glow. She achieved the look by using a Chron Pan stick, baby oil and bronzer."

Lara Dutta
"Lara Dutta's look in Zinda  was understated and young. Her hairstyle was straightened or crimped. She chose light shades in earthy tones to achieve the look."

What you should discuss with your Make-Up Artist before the big day: (This will prevent any surprises and you'll know what to expect) This will give the make-up artist a chance to look at your face structure, lighting and get to know you a little- your likes and dislikes, before the actual sitting. Fashion What look you've settled on Hair - How are you wearing your hair Clothing Make-Up Shades - Should usually complement the outfit

Rohini Bhatia-Singh

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

Gaining weight after marriage?

Please advice the proper diet to avoid gaining weight after marriage.

Jyoti Mehta She is a practising dietitian with Weigh To Live since the last 10 years. Her diets are personalised and are planned according to the individual's needs, lifestyle, and personal diet history.  Have a question? Click here...

Diet to lose weight

Sadia asks,
I am 27 years old and I have always been very slim naturally. But since getting married 3 years ago and having an office job, I have found myself out of shape. I am very unfit these days and my appetite has also grown. I want to eat all the time which is partly due to boredom and I'm not very good at exercise. Currently I weigh 60 kgs but the ideal would be 50 for my height and built. I have tried the gym but failed. My diet is quite varied, I do not drink or smoke. I eat a lot of fruits and veg but also love pasta and rice. There is nothing I can't have apart from pork.
Can you advise what changes I need to make to lose 10 kgs, best diet, best form of exercise etc. My weight is typically on my stomach, hips, buttocks and thighs. I have a naturally slim waist though.
I also suffer from stress in work and personal life. This has affected my sleep greatly. I pick up minor colds all the time and recently my hair has started to fall out at a worrying pace. I am trying different things but so far nothing has helped. I'm hoping it is something simple which can be cured by better diet.
Dear Sadia,
The best diet to follow would be one as close to the food you cook for others at home making a few changes. Eat a good breakfast consisting of some cereal, milk and a fruit, or 2 egg whites, a slice of whole wheat bread and a fruit. Between lunch and breakfast you can have some fruit again. For lunch if possible carry some salad, curds and sprouts. Along with this you can have a veg. sandwich or 2 idlis or 2 stuffed rotis  or roti  with subzi. Snack on kurmura  - popcorn and fruits, between meals. For dinner eat whatever is cooked at home making sure that there is no refined and fried foods. Eat in moderation, and eat slowly - at least 20 minutes to eat a meal. Include some salad and curds also at dinner. Drink plenty of water. Before sleeping have a small cup of milk with a tsp of honey which will help you to sleep. Regarding frequent colds, try increasing your vitamin C intake in the form of citrus fruits, cantaloupe, and strawberries. Amlas  are highly packed with this vitamin. You can either eat them or have amla  juice. For hair loss increase your intake of proteins and have about 5 almonds daily.

Weight gain after marriage

Devleena Sengupta asks,
I have been married for about a year and since my marriage I have been constantly gaining weight. I am presently in USA. Please advice the proper diet a woman of 27 years should follow?
Dear Devleena,
Start your day with a good breakfast containing any cereal like poha  - upma etc or cornflakes with a cup of skimmed milk and a fruit. You can have 2 egg white and a slice of whole wheat bread instead of cereal and milk. For lunch have a bowl of salad, a cup of sprouts, a cup of curds along with 1 roti  - rice 1/2 cup, veg, dal  1 cup / chicken 1 oz. For dinner have some leafy veges, curds, salad and again either 1 roti  or rice with vegetables. Snack on kurmura, popcorn and fruits between meals.

Hair food

Komal asks,
I have been married for about a year and since my marriage I have been constantly gaining weight. I am presently in USA. Please advice the proper diet a woman of 27 years should follow?
Dear Komal,
For good and healthy hair you need to have 4 servings of fruits, 2 good servings of salads, 8 glasses of water. You must also increase your protein intake in the form of paneer  or chicken or fish. Almond and amla  are also good. Avoid refined foods and excessive sugars.

Soluble fibre food

Pranjal asks,
I want to know which all foods (Indian) forms soluble fibre food? I know of a few like rice but I want an exhaustive list.
Dear Pranjal,
Food high in soluble fiber include oat bran, oatmeal, dry beans and peas, rice bran, barley, citrus fruits, strawberries, and apple pulp (the solids left after making apple juice). Fruits like, peaches, mango, plums, kiwi, pears, and berries and vegetables like sweet potatoes, potatoes, green beans, cabbage, green peas, broccoli, carrots, cauliflower, asparagus, bottle gourd (dudhi ) and ridge gourd (turai ) also contain soluble fiber.

Deposits on my hips

Raeesa asks,
I am 29 yrs old working mother of 2 living in the Gulf. I am thin from waist above and have a bulky bottom. How do I achieve a proportionate body. My stomach muscles are very loose after my second delivery. It seems that everything I eat deposits on my hips. Like most working mothers, I don't find time to exercise regularly and don't have proper eating time or a good diet. I just eat anything to content myself and I love sweets.
Dear Raeesa,
You may not want to hear this but you need exercise more than a diet, but a good diet along with exercise will speed up your weight loss. What you need to do is make sure that you eat at regular intervals and do not skip any meals. Eat 4 servings of fruits, 2 servings of salads and drink 8 glasses of water. Avoid red meats and try to have grilled or poached fish and chicken. For your sweet tooth eat some dates or figs when you get a craving for sweets.

Jyoti Mehta will answer your queries. Ask now!

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

Unravelling secrets of wedded bliss

4 couples discuss the peaks and troughs of wedded bliss. What works, what doesn't.

Tanya and Karan

Tanya:
What is the secret to finding marital happiness we wonder? Respect for each other. Respect for each other's qualities, abilities and opinions. Kind words, laughter, patience, taking time to understand, to listen, to just be. We have a similar value system and similar goals: honesty, integrity, helping others, family, extended family, hospitality, having fun, living life to it's fullest.

Karan:
Finding solutions to problems. This requires adjustment and compromise which entails, sometimes, just letting it go -- as a couple, as a family, or as an individual.
We appreciate what we share, as a couple, our relationship, our family, our friends, our lives.

Parul and Rakesh

Rakesh:
Knowing one and other. Over the years we have learned, what makes us laugh, what gives us hope and what irritates us. We continue to encourage each other in our daily activities, to help each other strive to meet our goals and to be there for each other when we fall short. We have started many chapters in our lives together. With one and other, we have always known we could rely on each other without saying anything.

Parul:
Success in our marriage begins with recognizing each one's individuality. Though not always easy, our level of patience has carried us through many challenging times. Being "us" helps in developing our relationship. When we seem to drift, a good joint project always brings us back to center. Through this, the ability to disagree, and the ability to check and accept our differences we bring a new understanding to our relationship. We share many of the same core values: hope for the future and our children's future, faith in knowing that we can persevere through challenges with a love that changes as we grow up together.

Sanjeev and Uma

Uma:
We have a successful marriage because we are committed to each other and speak our truth from our hearts.
We nurture our friendship on a regular basis. We take responsibility for our individual parts in conflict. We share similar spiritual and moral values. We love each other and respect our differences. We value opportunities for humor and lightheartedness.
My husband is my most treasure friend: a person I can count on in times of need, and someone I can share my moments of exhilaration. If I am struggling with any difficulties he is the rock of wisdom I lean on. The roadblocks to harmony especially in a relationship are many, but we have learned to accept the patches of gravel along with pieces of silver that may come our way in our journey of life.

Sanjeev:
The success of our marriage comes from an ongoing focus by each of us on the challenges, struggles and stresses we each face. And we have the ability, to react spontaneously, with the right response to make our journey better because we are together.

Binita and Jay

Binita:
We love each other and want to be together. We are committed to making our relationship grow. We respect each other and share common values: in our beliefs, opinions, interests and differences. We listen to one another. We are kind, polite and affectionate -- we don't tease or hurt each other.

Jay:
We're friends, lovers and companions. We are committed to making our relationship grow. We respect each other -- our families, values, opinions, interests and differences.

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

Bhuvaneshwari Bhagat

Settling down with veejays

Behind the face of humour and veneer of flippancy, lies a heart whose values are not confused and a mind that knows what it wants from life.

They are supposed to be the face of young India. Young TV celebrities that beguile you with their quick silver wit and smart repertoire. Leave alone funny antics. Behind the face of humour and veneer of flippancy, lies a heart whose values are not confused and a mind that knows what it wants from life and how much it is ready to give. They are the new age veejay brigade.

Read on to know their perceptions on marriage, relationships and girlfriends.

Ideas about marriage:
Gaurav Kapoor: "Essential, yes, but not one to be hurried into. In India there is this conception of "settling down" with marriage and there is an amount of pressure also attached to it. But I feel that if one makes the wrong decision, it can become quite unsettling."

Purab Kohli: "Well, in the age and times that we live in, if two people love each other and want to live together and have kids, you have to get married. In India it's a requisite, as live-in relationships are not accepted here. The tag of a social contract makes it a tad bit difficult for either partners to break away, but that's just not it because I think, if you love someone, it is love that should keep you together and not a piece of paper. Ya, I think it's more of an institution than anything else."

Ranvijay: "In today's world when you get married, you are sure about whom you are getting married to, it's not a rash decision anymore, especially with the kind of lifestyles we live, you know the person. But again at the same time, it depends on the couple as the era now is so competitive that people also do tend to cheat on each other. If I marry, I'll marry only if I trust the person I am marrying, otherwise I would not marry."

Who is filling the space:
Gaurav Kapoor: "Empty! Completely empty! Inviting auditions, please!"

Purab Kohli: (Smiles) 'Someone'

Ranvijay: The pretty Anousha Dandekar

Idea of Ms. Right:
Gaurav Kapoor: "Well, for me it's this idea of a person who can laugh at my jokes but, at the same time, if I am jumping around too much, just asks me to shut up and sit down. It's not specific because a relationship is a collaboration between two individuals. It's not a space of opponents where you are going to shoot each other down if things go wrong. It's about two forces coming together and loving each other for what they are, for their strengths and weaknesses."

Purab Kohli: "Well, I am seeing someone right now and I am hoping that she is my Ms. Right!"

Ranvijay: "Mr. or Ms. Right are very relative terms. I am in a good relationship right now and we prefer going with the flow and seeing where it goes."

Common thing between the three and marriage:
Refrain: "Heck! I have no idea of getting married right now. I am too young for that!"

At the end of the day, a relationship works because:
Gaurav Kapoor: "Unconditional acceptance of each other. Like I said, a relationship is a collaboration between two individuals and the basis of any relationship is loving each other for what that person is, good, bad or ugly."

Purab Kohli: "Being open to each other. In a relationship it is important that there is a distinct level of transparency between the partners. Of course you can't tell each other every detail about your lives, it would be tedious to say the least, but you should level with your partner. The sharing in a relationship depends on that."

Ranvijay: "Communication and being able to trust the partner easily. People are different; some depend on paper and legalities. Some are more emotional and trust easily. The former can work in the initial stage of the relationship but a relationship depends on trust."

Break-ups and make-ups:
Gaurav Kapoor: "I don't really believe in divorce or separation, so take your time, be it 27, 32, 40 but choose the correct person, the person you want to grow old with. A relationship or marriage is not something you hurry into."

Purab Kohli: "Well, I think people are becoming smarter and wanting to live their own lives than just compromise. About if it's a good thing or a bad thing, it's the way you look at it. If you are that accepting and compromising, great! But if you make a decision to break away, then it should be fine. I guess it's the people who are around you that make a bigger deal than the people in it."

Ranvijay: "A person is motivated by different things everyday. There are girls and boys who marry for money and it is a tricky situation. The crazy pace of life sometimes compels people to grab and drop relationships unthinkingly. Also the competition leads some couples to cheat on one another. But if the basis of the relationship is strong, the trust factor can overcome these issues. They don't matter anymore."

Rohini Bhatia-Singh

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

What some men get away with...

Men can sweat and be considered sexy, curse and be macho, and talk about their past conquests which gives them an aura.

Men don't always have to look their best. In fact they can get away with a whole lot of things... right from a day old stubble to wearing an un-ironed shirt to office to belching in public!

Here are some of things men get a way with even today... myth or fact... looking like a slob, owning one pair of shoes, wearing drab, unexciting underwear, farting and burping. Men can age and look handsome and become more desirable with age, like Sean Connery or Bruce Willis, while women have to deal with issues of infertility and youth. Men can sweat and be considered sexy, curse and be macho, and talk about their past conquests which gives them an aura. Women on the other side of the equation still have to deal with some traditional stereotypes.

No one is saying that either of the sexes is perfect, yet in the world today men still get away with more... or do they? ShaadiTimes caught up with a few movers and shakers and Mumbai glitterati to find out.

Let's look at it logistically, there is only one Brad Pitt... and he works at the "out of bed tousled look" unshaven, unkept hair etc... Looking like a slob has never been more fashionable. "There's nothing wrong with trying to achieve a look as long as the presentation is in place," clarifies music composer Raju Singh. On the creative side he disagrees, "A mind is a mind - some of the most creative people hail from either sex."

"Frankly in my profession we have no timing as such. Sometimes we have to tell the sound engineers to take a breather and come back after working all night, thus the way you look isn't that important." He laughs, and with a little nudging Raju says, "I generally dress in jeans and a shirt."

His wife Shirley Singh, completes him. A clothes aficionado and an entrepreneur, Shirley, represents the modern woman of today. "I think men and women need to complement each other," says Shirley.

"It makes a big difference to have a degree of professionalism about one's self. And today, if men can look a little sloppy you have to remember they have worked on that look," she points out. Her thoughts on aging are inclusive to both sexes. "I think both men and women can be considered sexy as they age and it has nothing to do with either sex." She pauses, "And the same can be applied to sweating. Definitely not cool."

Mumbai glitterati, Kashmina and Rohini Nath married to brothers Deepane and Veepane agree to disagree. Kashmina felt men do have a certain savoie faire about them, especially if they have worked out while Rohini felt that sweating isn't sexy. Rohini elaborates, "Men are less conscious about being co-coordinated and that is what makes them appealing." While Kashmina felt a man's presentation is enhanced if he spends time on himself Rohini felt it really didn't matter as long as he was attending to his personal grooming and was neat and tidy. Both felt profanity seemed ok for men and not for women even today, and yes, women who wear sexy lingerie continue to ooze femininity. Men can look hot even in boxer shorts. Both felt aging was relative and a state of mind.

Here's what they had to say about what men should get away with.

• Chivalry. From Shakespeare's time till today chivalry rules. Even the most pragmatic woman will melt if the door is held open for her.
• Listening and hearing what you have to say. If a man can learn to actually listen... Wow!
• Being Strong. Let's face it, strength in character and in built is something a woman wouldn't mind a man getting away with.
• Decisions, decisions, decisions... A guy can generally come up with a decision pretty quick.
• If all else fails say it with chocolates and flowers. "Women love to be wooed, and cherished," say both.

To balance out the argument budding director, Vipul Vaibhav Jai, a twenty-one year old believes, "it will take a long time for stereo-types to totally vanish in India even if the country has modernised rapidly in the past decade." He elaborates, "it doesn't have to do so much with a guy's look, or how he smells, or what undergarments he's wearing. It is the media that has created the fashion statement of the day and that is what girls are attracted to." He feels women, no matter how modern, still like to receive gifts and compliments, "If men get away with certain things, it's because certain things don't change and to change this you have to first change the inner outlook," he muses.

It was collectively individually disagreed upon that men do get away with a lot. Your feedback and comments are welcome. What do you feel they should or shouldn't get away with?

Rohini Bhatia-Singh

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

14 wedding choli styles

A list of fourteen flamboyant styles and looks for styling your wedding cholis and being the bride of the moment, which you SURELY are!

Pick your look

Stylish in bridal wear is the best way to make a fashion statement. A statement as loud and clear as having a truly designer wedding trousseau. But if you thought you needed a designer for that, then we have failed you readers. But can we allow that? Here's a comprehensive list of fourteen flamboyant styles and looks for styling your wedding cholis  and being the bride of the moment, which you SURELY are!

Store eMmO
Pic by Rashmi M

Halter necks: This daring design requires a swan neck and a great back. But even if you don't have either, an attitude alone will do! The halter can be a tie-up or stitched and you can go creative with the neck design, the way you want.

Tube choli : Seamlessly merging the western tube top with the classical mythological costume, a tube choli  has no shoulders and is worn fitted, whether waist-length or just as a bustier. It could be contrasted with the saree  in terms of a striking colour and glitzy embroidery to match. Be sassy!

Spaghetti: The strings that Mandira Bedi made so famous could just be the right design for your choli . Be it noodle or flat strings, the look spaghetti cholis  flaunt is unquestionably bold, but feminine.

Long, wide-necked: This special design is for a royal look. Waist-length, fitted cholis  with a side-cut and wide, low neck speak of stately kingdoms and its dainty damsels. After all, you are a queen of the wedding night!

Bias-cut: No! They are not out of fashion yet. This seemingly done-to-death design, when it is taken from the neck to the waist cut, not only gives your upper body a svelte look, but also makes your waist look slimmer. Reason enough to try it, ha?

Tie-ups: The spunkiest of all, these tie-up cholis  hide as much as they reveal. The ultimate statement in sensual dressing, these cholis  don't have the regular buttons or zips, but long straps that are tied in a knot at the lower-back, or alternatively at the front. Adds a zing to whatever saree  or lehenga  you match it with.

Single-sleeved: A smart version of the single shoulder gowns, these cholis  have just one shoulder strap and leaves the other tantalizingly bare. It could be a simple one with front buttoning or can be a high-waisted bustier type.

High choli : As the name suggests, it doesn't linger longer than necessary. It ends at your upper waist, flaunting your stomach and navel. Looks best with a little revealing neckline and cap sleeves and a lehenga  that starts just below the navel.

Backless: A heart-stopper, a backless choli  always attracts attention. Add a zing with a transparent string attached with little bells at the end and watch everyone wondering where the sweet music is coming from! More than one way to make heads turn!

Stringed backs: The choli  back needs special attention. You could have slanting strings stitched on or tie-ups in different shapes and sizes. For a night to remember, you could opt for multiple strings coming together at the centre of your back and have your husband open it for you one by one.

Bustier: An odd cousin of the tube, a bustier type choli  supports the bust all the way to mid-waist giving a certain kind of elegance to the posture. The length of the choli  is variable and looks best ending just above the navel when teamed with a fish-cut lehenga . And it need not be without sleeves. It looks equally elegant with straps.

Corsets: This British legacy has been skillfully reworked to the Indian advantage by giving it the shape of a choli . A fitted choli  is only enhanced in its shape and comfort by the stiffness of a corset. Again, it looks lovelier when coupled with a lehenga  than a saree.

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Pic by Rashmi M

Bikini-style: A skimpy bikini choli  would add an interesting contrast to a heavily embroidered saree  or ghaghra . Jewels, pearls or bells can be added to the halter / shoulder strings and the back string to add that touch of class that will be supplemented by your bearing.



Jacketed: Jacketed cholis  look best when worn long, ending at the pelvic bone. These regal declarations are stately with full-length fitted sleeves and a low-wide neck supported with a Chinese collar behind. These can add that extra-something to your regular Kanjeevarams  and gives you the freedom to drape your saree  the way you want.

So you see, you are not stuck with the staid, traditional choli  anymore. Take your pick from the above and make your day! And yes, do tell us which style you liked best and why!

Fatema Kagalwala

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

Loves conquers all

Our kundalis don't match. He cannot marry without his parents' agreement but wants to be with me for whole life.

Our kundalis don't match

Priya asks,
I am 21 years old and I am in love with a guy who is eight years older than me. We both are interested in marrying. But our kundalis  don't match. Because of this, his mother has refused and now he is saying that he cannot marry without his parents' agreement but wants to be with me for his whole life. I am confused. What should I do?
Dear Priya,
Loves conquers all, right? So if your boyfriend truly and deeply loves you he will overcome his fear of the non-matching kundalis  as well his fear of displeasing his mother, and will do what his heart wants.
On the other hand, if he cannot marry without his parents' consent, it's understandable. It tells us that his parents are so important to him that he is willing to give up the love of his life in deference to them.

However, if he expects you to be with him, for your whole life, without marriage, well that's selfishness, and of course, that's not true love.
In your own interest and well-being, you should be getting out of this relationship despite the pain you will have to undergo in the process. Is it not remarkable that you are willing to marry him despite the kundalis  that do not match, while he lacks the will or the courage to do so? It reflects one big difference between you two; and speaks volumes of you.
Ask yourself what it is you really want. Can you be truly happy in a relationship with a man who will eventually marry someone else whose kundali  matches his own? Are you willing to be with someone in a clandestine relationship with no chance to celebrate your love openly? If your answer is no, well you know what you have to do: Terminate this relationship now rather than live in false hope, fear of rejection and eventual pain.

Anti-depressant

Deepa asks,
I am a 27 years old married lady (housewife) with a toddler. My problem is that I get hurt easily and eventually face bouts of depression... usually the same old ma -in-law mental torture! Please tell me how I can remain unaffected and happy. How can I prevent myself from getting depressed?
Dear Deepa,
First and foremost, own responsibility for your response of hurt and depression. Accept the fact that while it is not always possible to get another person to change, we do have the ability to change the way we are, or the way we respond. When we respond with hurt it's because we've empowered the other person to hurt us.
It is human to feel hurt, but with practice and a lot of positive self-talk- constant reminders to yourself that you are a good and worthy person, that you can choose to be calm and strong, and that you do not have to over-react with hurt - you will begin to feel good despite the 'mental torture.'

If your mother-in-law has been in the habit of being negative and putting others down through nagging, criticising and judgmental words, maybe she might continue to be that way always. However, this does not mean that you should not be assertive. Remember that assertive behaviour generates change in the other's behaviour, and respect in the long run if not immediately. In contrast, aggressive behaviour invites hatred, anger and resentment from others, while non-assertive behaviour encourages others to treat you like a doormat, to manipulate and exploit you. Practice stating clearly, briefly, empathetically, firmly and gently, and directly what you want. Practice saying 'No' calmly and confidently when you do not wish to do something she unfairly or unjustifiably asks you to.

Develop the ability to derive happiness from who you are and what you do. Define yourself positively. Go out and meet friends; build up a social network of persons who understand and support you. Enroll in hobby classes or courses that give you a sense of fulfillment, read books on self-help and assertiveness and above all, be willing to change and grow as a person.

Dead-end

Shiny asks,
I'm 24 years old and I'm having a relationship with a married man who is 32. He is a very nice, caring and loving guy, basically. He has not been living with his wife for the past 3 years and this was because he had a forced marriage. He is now applying for a divorce. I have been living with him for the past one year. Now my parents are pushing me to get married and I'm trying my best to avoid every groom. I cannot tell my parents about my relationship. At one point I started to think that our relationship is not getting us anywhere and told him that I want to breakup. But he is a very sensitive guy and I fear that he might hurt himself physically. I really don't know what to do. My parents are pushing me to get married and I have a struggling relationship on the other hand. Please advice me. I have no one else to talk to.
Dear Shiny,
Understandably your parents wish that you get married, and being unaware of your circumstances are putting pressure on you to do so. I understand your reluctance to reveal this relationship to your parents for fear of displeasing them. But then you can hardly blame them for feeling apprehensive about your future. The solution lies in your hands.

Perhaps you can give your friend a time frame for obtaining the divorce, or at least for seriously getting the process started, if he hasn't done so as yet. If he has not been living with his wife for the past three years and has no children, there should not be too much difficulty in obtaining the divorce. If he truly loves you and desires to marry you, he should file for divorce at the earliest. Make sure he keeps you informed about what he is doing. Ask to see the legal papers, tell him to keep you abreast of the court hearings, and so on.

If you are afraid that he might hurt himself physically there's a chance that you might be enabling him to emotionally blackmail you. If he is an oversensitive or psychologically weak person he should visit a Cognitive Behaviour Therapist who will help him to deal with his emotional problems. You do not want to marry a man who is excessively fragile and overly emotionally dependent. Please look into all these factors before it is too late. If when you eventually marry him, you have to cope with the fear that he might harm himself physically when things do not go well for him, think again about whether you are strong enough to be with such a person.

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

Dr. Laura Vaz

6 exercise to 'soften' your tough looks

My first impression is that I am very egoistic, arrogant and stern appearance. What can I do to reflect the real me?

Tushar Guha Dr. Tushar Guha, MD Nrityanjali - the Institute of Performing Arts, Personality Development and Management Services, is a practicing Psychologist, Counsellor, Management Trainer and Consultant.  Have a question? Click here...

How can I control my anger?

Aani asks,
I don't know why but I get angry a lot and have a very short temper. I tend to boss around. Could you please give me tips on how to control my anger?
Dear Aani,
Since you have began to feel bad about your anger, it is the first step. Analyse but do not justify your actions. Think backwards on the events that led to your anger. These are long drawn but sure shot methods. Please try. You will benefit.

Negative attitude

Mukta asks,
I have a lot of negative attitude. I want to change it but my first approach towards a thing is always negative. How can I change that?
Dear Mukta,
You need lot of appreciation. Why don't you start? Begin appreciating your own self. Be with nature, if you can, then indulge in creative activity - drawing, painting, singing, dancing, cooking, embroidery, sports, writing or even reading. Involve yourself in hobbies you love and enjoy. Gradually, negativity will reduce. Also avoid people with negative attitude. Try to be with bright and positive people.

I cannot concentrate while meditating

Akila asks,
I get depressed the whole day... I feel upset... I can not concentrate when I am meditating. There are lots of bad thoughts that disturb me. Will meditation help me? Can you please suggest the stages of meditation?
Dear Akila,
Yes meditation will help you but will take time. It is very natural that when you start meditation, you will always have physical discomfort to sit at one position and also various thoughts will disturb you. Please continue meditation and do not give up. Gradually you will develop a comfort level. Meditation will lead to calming of mind resulting in being analytical.

Imperfection in perfection

Ramona asks,
Despite intensive visualisation, why don't things manifest as visualised?
Dear Ramona,
Life is like that and that is what keeps us going. There is something beyond us - imperfection in perfection. This leads to challenge and in meeting the challenge, life becomes interesting. Your question involves a very deep philosophy. If we could have a discussion it would be great.

Mirror image

Jas asks,
I always feel that people think I am an arrogant girl. I have a very stern appearance. Even few days before in an interview, the interviewer made a remark that I am very stern though I am not. People who know me say that I have 24x7 smiling face. But even they do agree that my first impression is that I am very egoistic, arrogant and stern in appearance. What can I do to reflect the real me and to show what I am from inside?
Dear Jas,
We have an exercise. You may try out. Look at the mirror, try out various facial expressions. Do it for couple of weeks. Then you need to practice the following exercises.
Stroking : Place the pads of your fingers in complete but light contact with the skin and slide over upwards towards the scalp.
Kneading : For chin and the cheeks. Knead the cheeks and the chin by the knuckles, as if you are kneading dough. This raises the cheek bones a little.
Percussions : A general massage, stimulates the skin and cheeks. With finger pads, start beating your cheeks.
Piano Playing : Develops facial muscles and makes them firm. Move all your finger pads simultaneously all over the face lightly.
Pinching : Pinch the skin of the cheeks between the thumb and fore finger of each hand.
Forehead Exercise : Pull from the arch of the eyebrows towards the temple with light pressure.

Tushar Guha will answer your queries. Ask now!

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes