Meet the health & spiritual guru, Mickey Mehta

"Health is not about calories, it's all about balance wellness that harmonises your bio-clock," says Mickey Mehta.

Mickey Mehta is one of the biggest internationally acclaimed health and fitness icons in India. He is amongst the leading health and spirituality gurus. As the old adage goes, 'Behind every successful man, there is a woman, here it can be said; behind the stunning bodies in bollywood there is Mickey Mehta.'

"Health is not about calories, it's all about balancing wellness that harmonises your bio-clock," says the fitness guru Mickey Mehta. Here's more on his fitness mantra...

The rising of a fitness guru
Well...it began during my school days. I was in military school at Nashik. The first orientation that I attended was, when I was at Bhosle School, on physical and spiritual disposition - all about fitness, health and emotion wellness. I took all that seriously. Today I have my own gym and India's leading holistic health group.

Holistic health
Holistic health is all about importance given to your self, lifestyle and behavioural pattern, correction and enhancement with principles of ayurveda and philosophies. It's all about eating habits, incorporation of conscious breathing, effective physical activity, and meditation, easiness of your mind and body to attain holistic health.

Fitness with food
I eat oily but not too greasy food. The proportion of oil intake is not extreme. What is important is to eat well. It's not how much you eat but what you eat. I am a non-alcoholic, non-smoker and a strict veggie. I crave for mithai (sweets). I consume a lot of nuts, sprouts and juices. I believe food should harmonise your bio-clock.

Dawn to dusk
My morning always starts with fruit juices or coconut water, followed by nuts. I see that my lunch is more of salad, sprouts and dal. Evening I don't eat after 7:30 or 8:00. I occasionally eat rice. Being a fitness expert, the fitness regime starts with me so I eat healthy to stay healthy.

Stretch jobs
My workout plan includes lots of stretching, yoga, tubes (resistance band). All this works on my biceps. I follow up with crunches. Internal training stabilises my body balance, by this I mean the yoga and meditation. Swimming is also a part of my fitness regime.

Mickey Mehta's Five Fitness Commandments Eating a variety of food gives you all the vitamins and minerals you need. Balance the foods you eat with physical activity to maintain healthy weight. Choose a diet with plenty of whole grain products, vegetables and fruits. Follow the principle of moderation. Choose a diet moderate in sugar and salt. Choose a diet low in fat, hydrogenated fat, saturated fat, and cholesterol.

Anti aging programmes for Big B and King Khan
The two celebrities, I would really like to train are Amitabh Bachchan and Shahrukh Khan. I would love to train them on "anti-aging programme". Well, I like these two celebrities and I never want them to grow old. Anti aging is the technology introduced by me where I can keep people young.

My exclusive
I have introduced equipment free training and fitness regime. Wherein you don't need to workout with equipments, heavy weight and machine. It gives complete freedom for your limbs to workout without any pressure and pain. It's all about your creativity, imagination, integration and fulfillment at soul wellness by performing this task.

Holistic message
Awareness is what we Indians need to have. I feel that Indian's do not realise the essentiality of having good body. We lack physiological wellness. It's all about eating right, resting and relaxation, to recreate well-shaped body and taking care of oneself. Abroad people eat in proportion and exercise at work. They do consume non-vegetarian food but simultaneously they have lots of salad in their plate. Indians should wake up, look at themselves and start working for the losses.

Mickey Mehta has lots of achievements to his credit, some of which includes: Limca book of records for learning swimming in 24 hours. Training the participants of beauty pageants like; Femina Miss India, Femina Elite model and Femina Look of the Year, Grasim Mr. India and Mr. International & Ford Super Model... Apart from being fitness trainer, Mickey was a martial art instructor too.

Noorussubha Khan

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

10 ways men avoid saying the "L" word

Find out how to get your man to say it and mean it!!!

When it comes to the "L" word men unlike the fairer sex tend to get tongue-tied. Let's run through this one more time with a little deja vu for those that have already crossed the threshold and may have forgotten the "I love you" jitters before the words came out.

Hello...Ahem...Cough?

Yes most experts would agree when serious commitment is moving forward to matrimony that is probably the most difficult if not the most difficult moment in a man's life especially if he is in a "love" relationship. Men and commitment aren't as easy a fit or a synonym as perhaps for women where emotional quotient adds up to I love you.

Here are Shaaditimes top 10 ways men avoid saying "I love you."

10. Changing the topic- Most guys are brilliant at changing the focus

of attention on to something else. If you're flipping through a magazine you may want to buy her something, telling her she looks like a movie-star, or simply start talking about something else. If she's intuitive she may corner you on this one and repeat her comment at which point we proceed to the next way.

9.   Timing - One of the best defense mechanisms a guy has to avoid

saying the "L" word is timing. "It's too early in our relationship." Or "Let's give it some more time." Or "can we discuss this later." And on to eight.

8.   Kiss- A kiss is the best distraction a man can use to avoid saying

the "L" word. Kiss her long and deep. Comment on the smell of her hair, perfume, her perfectly manicured hands. Make her feel secure. If this doesn't work its on to seven.

7.   Humour- If all else has failed till now. Tickle her. A giggle here and

there may lead to a pillow fight more kissing and skirting around the topic of true love until the morning. Try it and on to six.

6.   Less commitment- "I really love...being with you too." Or "I really

care about you too. Now where were we going for dinner?" If she's sharp she'll catch you red-handed. If she wants the long-term commitment and doesn't want to risk an open discussion she may buy it for a short while. But word of advise buddy if you're not in love it might be a time to re-evaluate the status of your "serious commitment" to one and other.

5.   Cry- Women love the sensitive type according to US relationship

expert Dr. Ruth. If you can't muster the words, and you're scared you're going to get walloped if you don't react or say something. And you still want to continue with the relationship. Cry. You may want to tell her you've never had the love of a real woman. You're mother never loved or looked after you. And that she is the one. Remember you still haven't said the "L" word yet.

4.   Let's talk- Oh, oh...this could go either way. "Let's talk" could mean

that he is open to the "love quotient" being added to the recipe of the relationship. Or it could mean just that it's time to clear the air...and let the grey zone become transparent. In a situation like this if it's a clearing up type scenario, Shaaditimes advises that you don't take any drastic decision. Men, according to many relationship experts, only realise the worth of the word "love", "commitment", and "matrimony" sometimes after the fact. Maybe give him a couple of weeks.

3.   Return with the question- "What is love?" Philosophising always

softens the crunch. It also can turn into a heated argument on the values system in a relationship. "From what is just being friends?" to "we are seriously committed to one and other" to "When are we going to tell everyone we are an item?" to "I love you." Here you may be either hugged to death, and made a five course meal or in contrast you could get cursed, get called a lot of names that may not be too nice to repeat such as heartless, an oaf, and a woman user. Other words in the lexicon could include: chicken, insensitive, cruel, and worst of the worst you could hear the words creep as the door slams.

2.   Friends- You could counter her comment "I love you" with "Let's

just be friends." This would be a little serious and may lead to tears...consolation...and friendship. Or it may just lead to you being slapped or having your foot stomped on as your girlfriend leaves.

1.   Honesty- Here you could be brutally truthful and just say the truth...

"I don't love you." Or you could try one last fake...and mouth the words..."Olive juice". It looks I love you. And at that point you may want to wait and clarify the truth at a later date. If honesty prevails than obviously it wasn't love, and you did the decent and noble thing on calling it off at the onset before emotions ran astray and feelings got wounded and hurt.

Where to leave those love notes...

• On an egg in the refrigerator
• Inside a book your spouse is reading
• On the refrigerator door
• On your mate's pillow
• In one of your spouse's shoes
• On the computer or television
• On the dashboard of your spouse's car
• Inside your partner's favourite glass
• In one of your partner's drawers
• Tucked inside a CD or DVD plastic sleeve
• On the bathroom mirror
• Via email or cell phone message
• Inside one of the coat pockets

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

The majesty of Bhutan

Agnimitra Paul's Collection

"Things seem impossible at times but I don't think I'd like it any other way," states one of the brightest stars to emerge recently from Kolkata's coterie of style fashionistas.

Designer, Agnimitra Paul, the tour de force behind one of India's most successful private labels INGA created waves among the "design pundits" at the Lakme Fashion Week. The latest import from Kolkata serves as a worthy competitor to the internationally acclaimed Kolkata-based, contemporary designer, Sabyasachi. At first glance it seems though both may differ in source of inspiration, with Sabyasachi looking west (his recent collections are a potpourri of graffiti and riots of colour) while Paul focuses on the east, utilising rich texture, opulent drama and loads of fabric, there is no denying both own a level of creative wisdom often sought by many but realised by few.

Pic courtesy: Lakme Fashion Week

Paul's latest collection was aptly titled, "Note on Bhutan" as she lauded the culture and people of India's north-eastern Himalayan region.

Her whimsical theatrical styling stood apart, making a cutting edge statement on the fusion of the "reel with the real", combining the arts with street practicality and wear. Amidst the drama, mystic and magic her sharp sense of detailing, layering, and varying silhouettes presented a range splashed with drama and versatility.

The majesty of Bhutan revelled in each weft and warp as the outfits were presented, with the luxurious textiles and the rich mosaic of history and culture weaving a tapestry of heritage meshing lace with brocade, and silks with georgettes.

Paul's palette was a dichotomous illustration of contrast denoting earthen neutrals offset by lumens of opulent colour. The clothing although decorative was subtle and powerful, representing the humility, depth, and magnitude of the people of Bhutan.

On view: Bhutanese headgear with European tulle, scalloped appliqués, florets, and Chantilly coupled with western leggings and indigenous sandals.

Watch for: Loose silhouettes, vibrant tassles, a juxtaposition of fabrics (from light chiffons to heavy corduroys), Himalayan embroidery, and Swarovski crystals.

Highlights: God foil Buddha motif, heavy gold "tila" embroidery.

On Stage: Bhutanese actor-model Kelly Dorjee, (better known as superstar Lara Dutta's other half) walked the ramp in a traditionally embroidered Bhutanese coat.

Paul boasts a list of celebrity clients and luminaries. Seen in her threads are: Bollywood superstar Esha Deol in her debut movie "Koi Mere Dil Se Pooche", Shonal Rawat, Femina Miss India Asia-Pacific, actresses Raima and Riya Sen, Koel Mullick, Indrani Dutta, South-Indian yester-year icons Hema Malini and Sridevi to name a few.

Agnimitra Paul's clothes are available at Melange (Mumbai), Oorja and Elahe(Hyderabad) and Espee (Kolkata). You can also contact her for trousseaus at her own studio at Flat 76, Kusum Apartments, 11, Gurusaday Road, Kolkata -700019. Mobile: 98311-37298.

Rohini Bhatia-Singh

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

Should one disclose the past after marriage?

Is it necessary to be completely honest and tell your husband about any relationship that you had in your past?

Life as a widow

Sonia asks,
I am 48 years old and my children are 29 and 27 years respectively. My husband passed away in November 06. I don't want to remarry, as I love him very much. But as a single person, I feel lonely and need a true friend for the rest of my life. My society is very skeptical towards a widow. They avoid me. Sometimes I feel suicidal. Please help me.
Dear Sonia,
Go ahead and make friends. Socialise, travel, enjoy others company. Basically indulge in whatever that keeps you happy. It is about you and your happiness. Do not get into what others say or feel about your life.

Disclose your past

Rinkee asks,
Is it necessary to be completely honest and tell your to-be-husband about any relationship that you had in your past? Do you suggest such things to be disclosed after or before marriage?
Dear Rinkee,
It all depends on what baggage you are carrying and what you want to disclose. There is no blanket rule on the dos and dons. However, it is best to be honest especially if you think that it will help your relationship to be clean and clear of any suspicion or complications later. But it is absolutely a personal call. You are the best to judge the depth of honesty. Often people just tell each other,if they had any relationships and sort of understanding about the fact that they are looking to marry means that the past is over and a closed chapter. So good luck and make your call.

Age difference

Sabra asks,
I am in a fix. I am engaged to an Indian, who is much younger to me. I am 49 years old and he is 22. We had a relationship for over two years. When we met we never spoke about each other's age nor did we see each other's photos. We love each other. Last year I went to India to meet his family. We have been waiting for his US visa since 16 months. My question is, if I go to India to marry him, what cultural differences will I face in context of our age difference? Is this unheard of? If we have a civic private marriage will this really matter to his family and relatives? He is the only son and has a family to support. We both are Christians.
Dear Sabra,
It is not clear from your email, whether you and your fiancé are happy and would like to marry each other. Does he know how old are you? Did he say anything about his family's reaction to this relationship? If one has to go by stereotypes, of course the scenario is not the most conducive for the family to be elated, however, it all varies from case to case. What are your fiancé thoughts? How well is he holding fort? What are your thoughts? You have made a visit to India and have met his family, what do you think? How important is family and relatives for the two of you? Depending on what your priorities are, it is up to you guys to make the decision.

Whom to choose?

Anonymous asks,
I am in love with an American girl and planning to marry her. The problem is that she is not an Indian. She is five years older than me, but she doesn't look older. Please advice. My parents are furious about this. They have stopped talking to me. My brother, who is my age understands me better and has advised me not to marry her, due to the age difference. She is ready to learn and accept Hinduism, even though it is not really a big deal for me. I definitely don't want to lose touch with my parents, as there can be many girls, but not parents. At the same time, I have been physically and emotionally attached to her for a long time. Please help. Give me some advice so that I can kill two birds with one stone.
Dear Friend,
Firstly, you must be sure of what you want in your partner. If you are thinking of marrying someone, you should be sure of the person. You have to make that call on what is important to you. It is often not an easy task to keep everybody happy all the time. You know your parents; there is a way to win back their love and confidence. Even before this, you need to weigh all your thoughts about your girlfriend and be sure if she is the one for you.

Confused in a relationship

Daisy asks,
I've been married for four years now and our relationship has not yet begun. He doesn't communicate with me nor does he like spending time with me and yet he doesn't want a divorce. He never discusses our relationship or about our future. Every time I approach him, he changes the topic and says he has too much on his mind to deal with me. He is neither clear about our relationship, nor does he communicates with me. I am confused, what should I do?
Dear Daisy,
You have given your enough time for this relationship. Four years is a long time to make someone even talk about the relationship. It is now up to you to take the next step. What would you like to do? Do you want to continue in this relationship or would you like to move on? Do not feel stuck just because you are married to this person. You are not leading a married life with him. Look back on your four years and if you feel that you have enjoyed most of it and are going to have a reasonably good time with him, then you know the answer. While if the situation has always been like what you write, then, it is time for you to move on and there is no point in waiting for him to discuss or talk!

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

Bhuvaneshwari Bhagat

Appreciate yourself

Develop your communication and observation skills

Tushar Guha Dr. Tushar Guha, MD Nrityanjali - the Institute of Performing Arts, Personality Development and Management Services, is a practicing Psychologist, Counsellor, Management Trainer and Consultant.  Have a question? Click here...

Change in mood

Rashmi asks,
If a certain group of people are smarter then me, I get nervous and lose my mood. I am not like that in front of my family and friends. It has started recently. Why is this happening? Please help.
Dear Rashmi,
You are unduly worried and giving importance to trivial things. Be yourself and avoid competing with others. Groom yourself; read good books, develop your communication and observation skills. Join a personality development class.

Avoid nervousness

Teena asks,
I want to know the way to impress the people sitting in the interview panel by my personality. I am a studious person. Even though I know the answer, I tend to get nervous. I just forget the question asked and this happens due to nervousness. Can you help to sort out the problem?
Dear Teena,
If you know your answers well, you should be confident. Appreciate yourself. See yourself in the mirror, try to enact in front of the mirror. This will help and also remember to dress properly.

Communication skills

Nitin asks,
I want to know about the soft skills in business and how to make it effective?
Dear Nitin,
Communication and presentation skills like expression, voice modulation, walk, etiquette, and grooming. Courses for such are available. However, enacting in front of mirror can help.
Reading and writing along with conversational grooming i.e. knowing self and the target, command over language, understanding the relationship or equation, body language etc, is needed.

Depression

Anish asks,
My friends are becoming the cause of my depression. They avoid me whenever I try to approach them. They make fun of me and say that they find my company boring. This has put me off. My studies are affected too. What can be done?
Dear Anish,
Groom yourself. Appreciate yourself. Read well; update yourself with current affairs. I believe, 'If you are not beautiful in your own eyes, how can you be beautiful in the eyes of others?' So first appreciate yourself. Identify your strengths and qualities and grow on them. Also find out your shortcomings, accept them and rectify.

Developing personality

Malar asks,
I am from Malaysia. I am 30 years old, working as a secretary in Putrajaya, Malaysia. Till now I have not found a boyfriend or a husband. My English is very poor and writing is not impressive. But as I am a secretary, I must have an impressive verbal and written English. What must I do to develop my personality?
Dear Malar,
Your profession requires good language. Please read a lot and practice writing. This is the first step. Then appreciate yourself, your qualities. Dress well, communicate well; in short you need to develop your self-confidence. Appreciate your body and calm your mind through meditation or yoga.Do not compare yourself with others. Grow on your pluses while correcting your shortcomings.

Tushar Guha will answer your queries. Ask now!

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

Deepshika: I live a juggler's life

Take life the way it comes. Be natural.

As Deepshikha entered the film industry she set the film world ablaze, and her resemblance to Parveen Babi was only one of the reasons. Be it films or the small screen, her roles have been vicious and seductive. Looking at her, one would hardly believe that this woman with a positive and happy go lucky attitude is mother to two lovely kids.

In a candid interview, Deepshikha opens her heart to shaaditimes.

Parveen Babi or Deepshikha...
(Laugh) Deespshikha of course! I know people find a huge resemblance between Parveen Babi and me but your identity is your identity, right? I feel flattered when people compare me to such a diva.

How did this start?
Well... even in high school my friends used to tell me I resemble Parveen Babi. This continued through college, and even to this date. I think she had amazing looks and exceptionally good hair. Initially I would get irritated but later on I took it as a compliment. And believe me, once I started getting roles, people started recognising me as Deepshika. Aren't you addressing me as Deepshika now?

Reel to Real life
I am very different from my reel life. I am very positive, alert and a fighter (no mara mari type). By this, I mean I try to overcome difficult situations. I bounce back, as a person who believes in... live and let live. I am a happy go lucky kind. As a mother, I enjoy every moment of motherhood; I have missed this during my childhood so I want my children to be brought up well with all the sanskars and culture. The bonding that a mother shares with her children is very important and different.

I am possessive about...
(Contd)...my children are everything to me. I have seen my childhood, so whenever my kids require me I am ready... Whether taking up their studies, playing with them, taking them out and pampering them, these moments are very basic which every mother wants to treasure.

Achievement
My Independence is my biggest achievement. I am a very content person and my profession has given me a lot of happiness. I am blessed with two beautiful children, my daughter Vidhika and son, Vivaan - what more could I ask for. I have been balancing life like a juggler. I can take my career in one hand and balance it with my family on the other, which is what really satisfies me from within. I count these as my true achievements."

Regret
Losing my parents. I think I should have spent more quality time with them. I wanted to give them happiness, which is what they had given me. I really regret not having my angels around.

Showbizz...
My body and the way I wear my clothes, I carry my attribute rather than attitude, actually in films you have to flaunt a lot. I feel if you have a prefect figure than any thing will suit you, all you have to do is maintain it.

Treasure pleasure...
I treasure my smile; I think this acts as a magnet. I have been complimented on having such a good smile and hain! meri ankhen (my eyes). My overall personality is one thing I love to treasure with pleasure.


Zindagi rocks!
I love what I have got from life. In fact, I am very passionate about things that life has given me. I may have missed out one or two here or there, but I have no issues with what I have not got. I do crib at times but ultimately I know I cannot get all that I want. I have seen people losing hope and breaking down on not getting success.

Miss don't want to miss
I don't want to miss a chance of working with Sanjay Leela Bansali, chotu sa bhi(even a cameo) role will suffice. I am his die-hard fan. I think he is an amazing director and makes films with patience, sense and sensuality. So you see how eager I am to work with him (giggles).

I confess
Honestly I never wanted to be an actor. My sister wanted to be an actor but I just slipped into it. I was a plain Jane who was doing commerce when I got my first role. Had I not been an actor, you would have seen me as a fashion designer or an architect. People think this is a joke but it is the truth.

The look
My beauty comes from my genes, my mom was a beautiful Gujarathi film actress and I am naturally blessed with good skin. I pamper my body lazing around with good music and swimming.

Deep love for
I love the monsoon. My daughter and I were both born in August. Going out on long drives and getting wet in the rains is what I really love to do.

Dil se...
I think life has something special in store for each one of us. Hard work and true perseverance will always help you achieve that. Take life the way it comes. Continue to be natural.

Noorussubha Khan

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

Reality show

Would a Beauty Queen marry a plain looking clerk?

"I want to marry a man who doesn't love me just for my outer beauty but who loves the real person inside me."

"I am looking for a woman who doesn't care for my name, fame and money, who just loves me for who really I am."

Not my beauty, not my social status, not my fame, not my money, not my blah blah blah....

Then what? I feel like asking every time I come across the above-mentioned conditions put forward by some people who are in the market for marriage.

Recently I read two interviews of two different people mouthing the same lines. No prize for guessing who they were. Only rich, famous and beautiful people can say such things. "My life partner should love me for who I really am."

Once again I was confused and tried to understand what they really meant. These celebrities have worked hard to achieve and maintain what they have and what has given them a high place in the society. But now they want to marry somebody who doesn't care about it.

Does it mean that they themselves don't think much about their most prized possessions? And what is this thing called 'my real self'? Who these people really are if not what they seem to be?

Let us look at a woman who is born beautiful. She tries hard to make herself prettier. She spends hours in the gymnasium, beauty parlour and in front of the mirror, blows up astronomical amounts on cosmetics, clothes and other trappings to look glamorous all the time. She becomes famous because of her beautiful face and figure. Now if this woman says that looking good is not important and the man too should not attach much importance to her beauty, can you believe it?

Similarly the man who has struggled hard to achieve fame and fortune, now claims that he doesn't care for such things and wants a partner who too is least concerned with all that, won't you wonder?

If we really think that what we have achieved is unimportant or even useless then we would stop working hard to hold on to it. Won't we?

But they don't stop. Because they know that it is this that has made them what they are today. They are film stars mainly because they are good looking. They are rich either because of the parental wealth or their hard work. They are famous because they wanted to be and worked towards it single-mindedly. Mere thought of losing all this would give them nightmares. If this is not their real self, what is? Do they really want a life partner who appreciates ugliness, poverty and infamy only?

It is true that we all want a person who can love us in totality. But every relationship starts from one point. It can be anything. One might fall in love with a girl because of her beauty. A girl might get attracted to a guy who is brainy. People even fall in love with a voice. Whatever it is, it is the beginning. Only at a later stage do we start discovering other aspects of our partner's personality. We may or may not like it. But in most of the cases the relationship endures because by that time the initial attraction has really turned into strong love. One might marry a beauty queen and love her madly. But one day if she meets with an accident and becomes disfigured, chances are he would continue to love her. A woman married to a millionaire doesn't normally dump him if by some misfortune he loses all his wealth. But in no way does this mean that the cause of initial attraction was wrong or bad or just plain frivolous. Being admired and loved for one's beauty is not something to scoff at. If one were not Aishwarya Rai, one wouldn't be wooed by the likes of Abhishek Bachchan and other bigger guys.
And can you imagine the same Ms Rai marrying a plain looking bank clerk?

It is all right if the pretty woman says that there are other aspects too to her personality. But if she spews nonsense like beauty is only skin deep, unimportant etc. you know what it is. Utter rubbish.

And ya, how come a scientist never says, " I don't want a woman who admires my intelligence?"
Doesn't he have someone called 'real me' residing within him?
Is it only the rich, famous and beautiful class that has the prerogative of possessing that invisible, mysterious entity called 'my real self'?

Varsha Pathak

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

In vogue: Camel bone jewelleries

Get adorned ethnically

Our sense of fashion is breaking boundaries and merging worlds beyond the limit of time and space. A new sense of fashion identity is erupting in India today, which is seamlessly Assimilating heritage from the past with the legacies of different countries.

Take jewellery for instance. From horn to bone, to resin, to paper mache, to brass, to wood, to beads, to conventional silver and gold, jewellery is being completely redefined today. Amongst this whole range of handcraft material that has hit the marquee, it is the camel bone, which is slowly emerging as a notable item of collection.

Pic courtesy: Geti Crafts & Arts
Although jewellery and other items made of camel bone have been manufactured for ages, it was only after the ban on ivory, that camel bone began to gain prominence on the handcrafted items circuit. At first glance, ivory is similar to camel bone but on closer examination the bone and ivory have very different appearances. Bone shows concentric layers and a dry appearance. Ivory, on the other hand, has a crisscross pattern and can be polished to a deep luster because the natural gelatin has not been removed. Though the luster might be a tad bit different, camel bone is gaining the same kind of acceptance that ivory had. It differs though in value and is by far very cheap when compared to ivory.

Camel bone jewellery is well liked for its affinity for colours and polishes. Says Neharika of Geti Arts and Crafts, "The main thing about camel bone is that it can be coloured well. Wood does not hold colour that well. Also, it is possible to give different effects like natural shades, emboss, and merging of design to camel bone which wood does not accept very well." Camel bone jewellery comes in a variety of colours, from earthy toned, to ivory and pastels to bright oranges and greens. While most bone beads are cream coloured, brown or black they can be found, in every colour of the rainbow. Many are stained black or brown to make them look old. Others may be coloured with analine dyes, but natural is the most popular colour.

Mamta of Tribal Route says, "The fashion, these days is about getting wild, bigger designs are in vogue and people are wearing huge pieces of jewellery. Camel is a huge animal which fits into the demands for larger pieces of raw material very well." Work done with extremely delicate and intricate carving, engraving, embossing and performing floral or geometrical designs and patterns with high degree of perfection is also selectively available but mostly in the overseas markets.


About the look with camel bone jewellery, designers across agree it is universal. Geti Arts and Crafts specialises in trinkets that can be worn with regular salwar kameez , jeans, skirts and everyday wear sarees . On the other hand there is Tribal Route, which sells heavier and combinative versions of the same, which lend a totally different look to the wearer. Camel bone jewellery embellished with brass and silver instantly adds that imperial look that almost gives it the look of an heirloom. Camel bone jewellery with gemstones inlaid and with intricately carved silver and brass clasps are in a class of their own.

Camel bone is also employed in making bone beads, which are used to make pretty strings of necklaces and earrings etc. Bones are an organic substance made of calcium phosphate and gelatinous protein compounds. It lends itself to bead making very well. Camel bone beads are extremely authentic and have a pleasing and sharp appearance that befits any personality, colour or taste. Since these beads are still hand carved each one is unique. Says Nihar Mehta of Tribal Route, "That is what makes handcrafted jewellery a pleasure to wear. It is unique because no two pieces will ever be the same."

There is a unique blend of ethnicity as well as avant-garde about camel bone jewellery, which makes it an interesting piece of accessory. No wonder, its appeal is growing among the fashion-conscious populace. So this summer, while the chunky look and unconventional jewellery is so hot, rush and pick up your choices. Worn right, it might just transform you into a diva.

Fatema Kagalwala

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

Compatibility

The litmus test of a good marriage.

Since the last two or three decades much has been made of compatibility in marriage. We hear of how important it is for couples to be compatible-sexually and in their personality traits-and how a marriage is surely headed for the rocks if the husband and wife are low on compatibility.

Psychologists say
A number of psychologists and marriage counselors advocate these views. But what of those couples who go through arranged marriages with virtually no consideration for compatibility? Thanks to our Indian tradition, innumerable marriages are solemnized with the boy and the girl having said 'yes' solely on the basis of photographs or a single meeting. Is any thought given to matching the two for compatibility? They start living as husband and wife without so much as knowing each other's views, leave alone checking out whether they are compatible, sexually or otherwise. If the compatibility requirement is valid then we should be seeing thousands upon thousands of unhappy or broken marriages in the country.

Urban approval... dating gets a thumbs-up
On the other hand, in large metropolitan cities, the last two decades have witnessed an increasing number of love marriages. Love meaning as opposed to arranged where a boy and girl actually date, and get to know each other before they decide to marry. Two important functions of dating are: the boy and girl find out whether they love each other and whether they are compatible for marriage. Shouldn't we therefore expect a greater level of compatibility among couples who have known each other for at least six months before they chose to tie the knot? However, even with love marriages the divorce rate is high and leads us to the question whether compatibility is a much-hyped requirement and should other considerations be given more importance: similar backgrounds, educational qualifications, similar goals and enthusiasm etc...

Perhaps, the "other considerations" result in more compatibility than simply love marriages. Thus, it would be fair to say couples do not or cannot judge their degree of compatibility going solely by love. In most cases they end up marrying each other with little or no thought to whether their marriage will actually work.

Break-up vs make-up in the west
In the West, where love marriages have been the norm, the divorce rate is alarmingly high. You would think that individuals would check for the compatibility factor before they ventured into marriage since they are well aware of it. And yet, divorce rates soar. So, is it time to put the compatibility requirement to rest? Perhaps so, because while compatibility in marriage makes logical and psychological sense there are other factors, equally or more important, for the marriage to work. Compatibility, we may say, is a necessary but not a sufficient ingredient for the marriage to work.

When people talk of compatibility in marriage they are often referring to sexual compatibility. So let us examine the validity of sexual compatibility as the litmus test of a successful marriage. In this regard, it is expected that the husband and wife should be similar, if not identical, in their sexual appetites. It would be disastrous if one of them wanted sex every day while the other desired it about once a week or less; or, it would be great if the two enjoyed sex to the same depth, and / or obtained gratification or reached climax around the same time; above all, it would be wonderful if the two of them knew how to give pleasure, knew what sexual responses to make, and knew how to appropriately receive sexual responses. In the absence of these kinds of similarity-read compatibility-in the couple, their 'sex life' would be a source of immense frustration, spilling over into other areas of marriage and causing the eventual rift.

Sexual concerns
While the above is true in part, there is more to it than that. During marital counselling, sexual behaviour receives important focus and the couple is encouraged to share what they think is wrong with their marriage. The husband may complain that he is not getting enough sex, or that his wife is not very 'cooperative' during intercourse, or that she is too inhibited to manifest some of the sexual responses he desires. The wife may complain that she feels like a "slut" when he touches her and could he please give it up, they are too "old" for that kind of thing now. Whenever I encounter such complaints I am aware that we are looking at a deeper problem, not one that is simplistically identified as sexual incompatibility. The problem lies in the relationship, in the attitude towards sex (which is often influenced at an early age), in the lack of or breakdown in communication, and so on.

For instance, when we examine the couple's attitudes towards sex we often uncover the misconceptions, they harbour, and the negative approach they have in their understanding of sexual behaviour. When couples express their views freely and recognize their errors or misperceptions, change is virtually imminent. For instance, in a traditional society, a woman thinks, and often resents, that she has to "give" sex to her husband whose prerogative it is to "enjoy" it. The man thinks that sex is an "act" from which he has to derive maximum satisfaction and for which his wife must cooperate. Once the two of them realize, through the counseling process, that sex is an expression of love, is not an act but an interaction, an interaction in which both are equal partners in a relationship, and where you cannot read the other's mind but must willingly and happily give feedback to the other about what feels good and what is desirable, the process of sexual encounter begins to change for them. The two of them begin to appreciate the time they spend together, and become invested in each other's enjoyment as much as their own. The focus is on giving and receiving rather than only on receiving.

Good communication: the key
Not surprisingly, good communication, within the marriage, is an essential requirement for good sexual life. Husbands and wives who have not been communicating appropriately in the marriage can never hope to enjoy a deep, fulfilling sexual life. If we define physical relations within marriage, as an interaction, and not as an act, as something to look forward to in togetherness, and not as the quickly grabbed opportunity, to express some inner biological need, we begin to perceive how important it is for them to change the way they communicate.

Fortunately, in the last few decades psychologists have researched a great deal on what entails good and clear communication. Through marriage counseling couples learn listening and empathic skills, assertive expression, how to reduce games-playing, and so on. As communication between husband and wife improve, they feel closer to each other, than before, and sex no longer becomes the rushed, get-it-over-with job to be attended to. They enjoy healthy foreplay and can talk about how they feel and what it is they really want. For the first time, they seek enjoyment rather than mere pleasure and discover the true depth of sex as an expression of love and romantic friendship. The wife who "hated" sex now welcomes it, because for the first time she feels like an important participant. The husband who complained that he was reduced to a "beggar" when all he wanted was his conjugal rights, now finds that his enjoyment is enhanced because his partner desires it as much as he does.

So, time and again, through the process of marriage counseling, couples become aware of the fact that it is not sexual incompatibility that causes their marriage to be a bad one, but a plethora of other reasons-such as unrealistic expectations, poor communication, and unwillingness to work at making the marriage successful-that serve as underlying factors.

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

Dr. Laura Vaz

Are you feeling low?

Groom your self-confidence

Tushar Guha Dr. Tushar Guha, MD Nrityanjali - the Institute of Performing Arts, Personality Development and Management Services, is a practicing Psychologist, Counsellor, Management Trainer and Consultant.  Have a question? Click here...

Overweight and shy

Shoab asks,
I was 140 kgs two years back. People made fun of me. I never had any friends because I was a very shy guy. I have lost 50 kgs and I am 6'2 in height. I am not confident about myself, wherever I go I feel different, huge and people give a small glance at me, I am still obsessed.
Dear Shoab,
Please do not be disheartened. You are already on the move to make an impact. You have a great height. Take medical advice. Visit a dietician and continue to follow the advice. Next, if advised join a gym to tone your body. Try to join any grooming classes (personality development, communication, etiquette etc). You will be trained and will develop a self-confidence that you are lacking now. Also do look in the mirror, appreciate yourself, dress well, read well so that you grow to be a good conversationalist.

Language problem

Nivedita asks,
I am working as an office administrator. I hesitate to speak English fluently. How should I improve my language? Please suggest some books and reading material, so that I can improve my language.
Dear Nivedita,
To be fluent in English speaking, keep speaking the language. The most important aspect is to read English books - any fiction, even read Mills & Boons but not that material which have bad English.

My friends find me boring

Anonymous asks,
I used to remain depressed due to personal reasons. Later, I tried to make friends but I have noticed that people find me very boring and try to isolate me. They have different interest like trendy cloths and are bias towards me. They avoid me.
Dear Anonymous,
Please groom yourself, break your inhibitions. By grooming I mean, read good books, acquire knowledge, appreciate yourself (look into the mirror, dress well). Join some activity classes that will help you to over come your inhibitions. Try to socialize, initially you will feel bad but go ahead, you will receive acceptance.

Tushar Guha will answer your queries. Ask now!

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes