Is masturbation in a relationship 'right' or 'wrong'?
Is it ok to pleasure yourself sexually when you are in a committed relationship or are married? The answer to this question doesn't stop at a simple yes or no.
Ask this one to a hundred people and you'll receive that many varied responses, most of which are likely to be quite passionate indeed. Is masturbation in a relationship 'right' or 'wrong'? Would you be ok if your partner masturbated or would you feel offended / threatened / insecure?
Can Self-Pleasure Ruin A Relation?
Rishi had a healthy sexual appetite and masturbated frequently. Although he and his wife Rita shared a great sex life, he often found himself in need of more sex than his wife wanted. This desire for added sexual release was fulfilled through self-loving.
Rishi had no idea that his wife knew that he pleasured himself often and Rita never broached the subject. However, with time their sex life started to suffer and eventually their marriage was on very shaky grounds. Since theirs was a loving and fulfilling relationship, neither quite understood what was wrong.
Because Rishi and Rita were committed to each other and desperately wanted their marriage to work, they decided to talk about their issues. That's when it came out in the open that Rishi's habit of masturbation was at the core of all their problems.
You see, when Rita realized that her husband masturbated, she became quite insecure. She began to believe that her husband was not attracted to her and didn't find her sexy any longer. She developed an inferiority complex about her looks and thought that her husband would rather self-pleasure himself after fantasizing about other women than have partnered sex with her. All this led to her losing interest in sex and eventually to a strain on their marriage.
But the reality was that Rishi did not masturbate for any of these reasons at all. In fact, he thought that through self-loving, he was being the considerate husband as he was not pressurizing his wife for more sex than she wanted. Talk about mixed signals!
So, Is It Ok To Masturbate?
While there is nothing wrong about self-pleasure per se, whether or not it has a place in any relationship or not is for the couple involved to decide. But, generally speaking, there are various situations in which most people would say that self-pleasure is right, while in many situations it would be deemed wrong. Let's take a look at some of these.
Self pleasure can have a place in a relationship if:
- One partner's (either man or woman's) desire for sexual frequency is greater than the others. In such a situation, masturbation can be very healthy as it can alleviate sexual tension and consequently stress in the relationship.
- The couple involved have a long distance relationship or if either partner travels a lot. Better to 'give yourself a hand' than find someone else to do it, right?
- Partnered sex is not possible due to any illness or temporary health condition. After all, just because you can't have sex, why deny your partner their solo sexual exploits.
Self-pleasure can ruin a relationship if:
- You are trying to punish your partner, or what to get back at them for something by depriving them of partnered sex.
- Your partner is willing to have sex when you want it and as much as you want it, but you still prefer self-pleasure. In such a situation, you either don't find your partner attractive anymore or find someone else more attractive than them!
- If you're fantasizing about other men / women after watching erotica and feel that your partner doesn't measure up.
- Partnered sex is the ultimate form of intimacy. So, if your partner prefers masturbation so that he / she does not have to take your relationship to its height of intimacy, then it can be a problem.
Thus, try and be honest about why you masturbate and share your feelings with your partner. Once you address the issues mentioned here, self-pleasure will become a non-issue in your relationship.
Next week we'll be discussing the myths and facts associated with self-pleasure. Be sure to subscribe to the Shaaditimes newsletter to get your issue.
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| Ruchi Agarwal | Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes |
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