Fropper.com - The Lounge: August 2008

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August 28, 2008

In Black & White With Rishi Rehan

Rishi Rehan "I don't think men feel comfortable with someone who is not comfortable with herself."

Pahalaj Nihalani launched the career of two newcomers Rishi Rehan and Avantikaa in his movie Kushboo recently.

From the age of 8 Rishi Rehan knew he wanted to be an actor. ''I'm a die-hard Amitabh Bachchan fan. For me there's nothing else. Acting is a part of me. I am meant to be here and in the industry and hopefully reach stardom,'' he says. ''If you believe in something passionately and you really want it then it can come true.''
Rishi loves old time movies and legendary heroes Shammi Kapoor and Sanjeev Kumar.

Shaaditimes gets the Black and White on Rishi Rehan. No shades of grey here.

Film
''Khilona'' with Sanjeev Kumar. He was a versatile actor. I want to be not just a romantic hero, but would like to play all types of characters.

Singer
Sonu Nigam. Although there is a lot of new talent I admire I am a Sonu Nigam fan.

Director
It would have to be Sanjay Leela Bhansali. He has his own individual sense of cinema and his own way of making cinema meaningful.

Love
Bollywood

Hate
Pretentious people

Fear
Even a single day sitting at home without work. If given the opportunity I would work 365 days in the year. Doing nothing drives me crazy.

Dream
Of success in my career and in living

Crush
When I was twelve there was a sweet girl in my school and I admired her from a distance.

Date
It was the same girl. We went for a movie.

Proposal
Not sure... it might have been the same girl.

Rejection
I think it was her. At that time I wasn't working out and I was scrawny so I think she said no because I didn't fit her image of a hunk. (laughs)

Would he try asking her out again?
No I think one rejection is enough (he jokes). Seriously I have changed. When I seriously decided to pursue acting from my body image to my mental prowess I have had to work on the overall package. I spend all my free time at martial arts and dance classes in addition to going to the Gym.

Film
Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge. I think it was a sweet love story and at its release Aditya Chopra had really pioneered the formula for making a romantic-comedy that was applicable to a generation of youngsters.

Book
I don't read romantic books. I like biographies and finished a book on Sidney Poiter, "Measure of a Man" and I am currently reading "The Key" inspired by Joe Whitall.

Gift
My Dad bought me a car.

Destination
I love beaches... it would have to be somewhere with water like Mauritius or Bali.

Turn-On
Beauty and brains. I feel a woman should have both... also I love a fragrance that is summery and fresh.

Turn-Off
Again, I would have to say someone that is not being herself and is trying to impress me. I think if a woman has the confidence to be herself then she will find the right man in her life even if it's not me. I don't think men feel comfortable with someone who is not comfortable with herself.

Fitness mantra
At least five times a week I workout. I love water sports - especially rafting.

Can you cook?
I love food... but no I can't cook. If you know an unpretentious girl that smells good and she's an epicurean tell her to write to me.

Rohini Bhatia-Singh

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

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August 28, 2008 in Celebrity Talk | Permalink

Married And Friends With The Opposite Sex?

Married And Friends With The Opposite Sex? Society often assumes sexual involvement between the opposite sex. Do you feel the same?

Married And Friends With The Opposite Sex? Friendships outside a marriage are healthy for us. They are a support system during tough times, an opportunity to share common interests and hobbies and also the means for growth as an individual. However, if such a friend is from the opposite sex; maintaining the friendship can be very challenging without being looked upon suspiciously. A male and female co-worker taking a coffee break together every day will attract more than one employee's attention and perhaps even a wagging finger. But two colleagues of the same sex would be almost invisible even if they went out to lunch.

Why the discrimination?

Society conditions us from childhood about different behaviour in presence of the opposite sex. Going through adolescence many parents talk to their teenagers about appropriate behaviour and the lines to be drawn in the company of the opposite sex. In the words of Dr.S Sharma, a marriage consultant, "Society often assumes sexual involvement between two people of the opposite sex even if that relationship lacks physical touch."

The Upside

Cross gender friendships can be very beneficial in many ways as they offer all the qualities missing from same gender friendships. They are normally not as competitive as same gender ones. "My female friends are always trying to look better than each other without even knowing it," says Suman T., a 28 years old teacher. Another reason cited by women is that cross gender friendships are not as emotionally demanding. They find other women want to be on a very intimate emotional level. Some men are attracted to women as friends because they find that they get a new perspective on various subjects, including tips on gifts for their wives.

"My male friends go through the same anxiety about buying the perfect anniversary gift, but do not want to be a part of my distress. A female friend will be willing to oblige," says Rajesh M, a 33 years old accountant.

The Downside

Almost 30% people who form cross gender friendships were at some point sexually attracted to their "friend". Husbands and wives can read such messages and the temptation can end up in a ruined marriage. So it comes as no surprise that close cross gender friendships after marriage are in low numbers. This is due to possessiveness and jealousy that often characterizes sexual relationships. It is the sexual attraction that complicates friendship with the opposite sex after marriage.

In a survey almost 25% men and 45% women reported that it is absolutely unacceptable for their spouse to have opposite sex friends. However, many amongst those said it would be alright if the friendship had been formed prior to the marriage.

The Balance

So, what are the keys to a successful cross gender friendship after marriage?

Do not seek such a friendship when your marriage is at a low point. This will become a dangerous liaison where you will look to fulfil the vacuum from your marriage.
Never insult or mock your spouse behind their back. If you refer to your spouse respectfully, only then will others do the same.
Keep the friendship open. Let your spouse know about your friend. Also, talk to your friend about your spouse often. Let him/her know the importance of your spouse in your life early on.
Meet your friend's partner, and make your intentions clear through your actions and words. If everyone is amicable; a foursome gathering of the two couples is probably best.
Keep it clean. Do not give people a chance to talk. Do not share a drink or a meal, or hold hands or even give friendly bear hugs. It may seem innocent to you, but people cannot read your mind. They only read your actions.
Respect your spouse's emotions if they admit they are jealous. Insecurity is natural so discontinue your friendship if your spouse is unhappy about it.
Remember, no friendship, of the opposite sex or of the same sex, should ever come between a husband and a wife.

The whole situation can be summed up in the words of Anna Garlin Spencer, "The friendship between a man and a woman which does not lead to marriage or desire for marriage may be a lifelong experience of the greatest value to themselves and to all their circle of acquaintance and of activity; but for this type of friendship both a rare man and a rare woman are needed.

Perhaps it should be added that either the man or the woman thus deeply bound in lifelong friendship who seeks marriage must find a still rarer man or woman to wed, to make such a three cornered comradeship a permanent success."

Aarti Thadani

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

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August 28, 2008 in In Focus | Permalink

Akriti's Birthday Is A Musical Affair!

Akriti's Birthday Is A Musical Affair! View celebrity pictures of Akriti Kakar's birthday.

Singer Akriti Kakar who brought in her birthday with lots of fanfare had her friends, colleagues and well wishers from the Music Industry turn up to wish her on 6th Aug '08 at BJN Banquets in the suburbs.

Looking resplendent in an elegant green gown, Akriti was seen attending to her guests personally. Throwing a party on the eve of her birthday, friends and family arrived well before the cake cutting ceremony to usher in her birthday at midnight with lots of noise and festivity!

Akriti's Birthday Is A Musical Affair!

But can music be far behind?

The evening was enjoyable with Akriti, Shankar Mahadevan, Anusha, Raman, Shilpa Rao and Shweta Pandit crooning to their songs Johnny Gaddar, Lazy Lamhe, Kholo Kholo, Saiyyan Re and others respectively. The highlight of the evening was when Rahat Fateh Ali Khan mesmerized the audience with his rendition and was soon joined by none other than Ustad Sultan Khan and Shankar Mahadevan who all sang 'Piya Basanti Re'. It was truly a fusion of the old meeting the new, with such stalwarts singing in tandem with the current crop of singers!

The guests included Loy (of Shankar Ehsaan & Loy), Sudesh Bhosle, Bali Brahmabhatt, Jatin Pandit, Vikas Bhalla and Directors Anubhav Sinha, Manish Sharma and Mohit Hussain. Also seen enjoying were Shweta Bhardwaj, Vipul D. Shah, Meet Brothers, Siddharth Kannan, Harry Anand, Shilpa Rao, Music Directors Sidharth Suhas, Karishma Modi, Raju Shrivastav who cracked up the audience with his jokes just before the cake cutting ceremony and Linda (the actress in Kabul Express).

Television stars were also seen catching up with each other. Varun Badola, Roshni Chopra, Shama Sikander and Kishwar Merchant were enjoying the songs being sung and the delicious cuisine comprising of Indian, Burmese, Italian and Chinese food! The guests were seen enjoying and mingling amongst themselves. Truly a fun filled musical evening!

Akriti Kakar is well known in Industry circles and has a host of songs to her credit. Having sung for films like Kismat Konnection, Welcome, Johnny Gaddar, Namastey London, Dus, Shakalaka Boom Boom, Akriti has carved a niche for herself. Along with which she also performs live shows all across the country!

Well here's toasting the birthday girl a very eventful and successful year ahead!!!

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

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August 28, 2008 in Celebration | Permalink

Ritu Chaudhury Welcomes You Into Her Home

Ritu Chaudhury Welcomes You Into Her Home View her exclusive interiors.

Ritu, better known as Tulsi's daughter Shobha in the popular Balaji soap Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi opens her arms and her doors wide for us to peek into her home.

Here are some things Shaaditimes picked about Ritu's home and that you can easily incorporate into your own house.

Click here to view exclusive pics

Ritu Chaudhury Welcomes You Into Her Home

Big city living for young working couples is all about living in apartments and making the best use of the limited space available in them. People intend to use each wall, corner and floor in a tasteful manner. Ritu has shown a new way of space utilization by creating sitting space near the windows in her home.

Corners are often the most ignored and hence under-utilized space in a home. Ritu has chosen to use these corners to exhibit her artifacts. People can put things like plants, flowers pots and lamp shades to bring life to their rooms.

Use of mirrors and glass cabinets creates an impression of bigger room than what it actually is. By placing bean bags and cushions in unused areas of corners of a room you can get that modern look and also increase the sitting space in your room.

Painting one wall in a contrasting color and exhibiting paintings and artifacts on it will turn it into a showcase rather than being a boundary of the room. This adds also depth to the room.

View Pictures Of Ritu's Home & Interiors

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

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August 28, 2008 in Special Feature | Permalink

What's On Your Cards?

What's On Your Cards? Love, marriage, family and more... your cards indicates the best for your future prospects.

Divya Chugh
A renowned tarot expert specializing in relationship issues. She excels in ''Compatibility Counseling''. She has immense experience relating with the problems of professionals, youth, students and families. She gives guidance to all kind of working professionals.
Have a question? Click here...

Marriage And More

Poonam asks,
I am Poonam Arora. My date of birth is 22nd July 1981. My mom's name is Gulshan Arora. I was born in Panipat (Haryana) at 5.50 am. When will I get married and how will my partner be?
Dear Poonam,
You are a lovely 'Empress', a sensitive and creative soul, romantic, graceful personality, likes to use imagination in wondrous ways and taps the deepest levels of emotion. Similarly on the positive side a romantic, emotional, sensitive, creative, dedicated, motivated, sensual and loving person ruled by the drive for expansion will enter in your life within next six months. Both of you will have close ties and good compatibility but sometimes his melodramatic moods and your Leo anger may create problems in your marital life. His career and financial stability is sure but will come with time. What you want or need will come to you very soon.

Advice: Happiness is a perfume. You cannot spread it on others without getting a few drops on yourself. So always be happy to make others happy!

Marriage With Beloved

Roma asks,
I am Roma born on 6th Oct 1986 at 3.20 pm. in Africa. My mother's name is Bhavna. I have a boyfriend. His name is Nihal born on 14th August 1986 in India at 6.43 pm. Will I marry him and buy a house?
Dear Roma,
Yes! This can be a very warm and mutually fulfilling relationship. Both of you are romantics at heart and tend to be "in love with love". You both need love and romantic gestures, the giving and receiving of gifts, etc. Personal appearances and attractiveness is important to both of you. You are more decisive and very clear about personal preferences and desires, while Nihal is more flexible and will compromise graciously in order to please you. Nihal should avoid being self-absorbed and be a stronger individual and you being a highly developed sense of fairness and equality are good signs of happy marital life. Financial stability ensures buying a house. Don't worry! Go ahead and enjoy life.

Advice: If you judge people, you have no time to love them. Feel them, understand them and accept them.

Marital Bliss

Sugandree Pillay asks,
I am 29 yrs old, born on 3rd January 1979 at Durban, South Africa at 10.00 am. I am an Indian female. My full name is Sugandree Pillay. I would like to know if I am going to get married and have children. If so, by when?
Dear Sugandree Pillay,
The chances are not very good to get married within this year. Even if there is a chance, and you may meet someone - please, think very carefully, and don't jump into any commitment without thinking it through very well. Go out there, get some more experience, meet some people before you pick that one. Your cards are about seeing more of the world, of daring to go out there, have a bit fun, see who matches up well with you in terms of compatibility. He's out there, dear, but, don't just sit waiting for him until he shows up. You are carrying an Empress soul that indicates fertility and child-birth. Definitely you are going to give birth to a child on your choice of time. Live your life.

Advice: He who has confidence in himself will gain the confidence of others.

Divya Chugh will answer your queries. Ask now!

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

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August 28, 2008 in Expert Advice | Permalink

August 22, 2008

Softness Behind The Power: Neelam Bose Roy

Softness Behind The Power: Neelam Bose Roy Neelam Roy talks about motherhood, children and being Ronit's wife for five years.

Neelam Bose Roy, actress, mother of two, and wife to India's most popular television actor Ronit Roy really defines the belief: Softness is the force behind the power.

A tall lithesome willowy woman, her delicate demeanour in no way represents her strength of character, solid heart, and deep intellect. Shaaditimes caught up with Neelam in Mumbai recently to find out if motherhood, children and being Ronit's wife for five years has changed their lives and their love.

Ronit, for you all out of the Bollywood ghup shup, married the former model and television actress in a private and pious ceremony on December 25, 2003. Theirs wasn't a whirlwind romance as they had known each other for three years prior to their marriage and had courted with the dream to eventually marry one day.

They have two daughters named Aadore and Agastya who Neelam tells us consume most of her time. ''My life revolves around my children and Ronit,'' says Neelam. She clarifies, ''I am still in love with my man, my marriage and my relationship. I believe we have weathered some ups and downs, and life has been hectic, but it's also been generally good,'' she laughs.

At first glance Neelam appears glamorous and model-like, but as the interview progresses she comes across as a down-to-earth, no nonsense type of woman that lifts the idea of wife, mother and lover to her husband to a status of ''domestic engineer''.

She shrugs off the suggestion, ''Yes, both Ronit and I are very disciplined individuals though we may come across as playful,'' she admits. ''We lead extremely hectic lives under the scrutiny of the media which can be enjoyable and difficult both at the same time,'' she says and adds, ''I am the one that looks after our private space, our alone time. We don't get much time to spend together so we don't ignore a word we speak.

We appreciate each other and fight also.'' She continues, "Our private life isn't the glamorous life that one would imagines from a Bollywood couple. I make him a quick breakfast, and if he spends a half hour with me I am thrilled to be able to share a meal together. At night we light a candle during dinner after I have put the children to bed and try to re-create the romance in our lives."

Is Ronit a good father? "Ronit is wonderful with the children. I believe he is the best human on earth."

And what does he have to say? "Neelam is the best woman, best mother, best person." Neelam gently reproaches him, "Its true. Flattery gets you everywhere."

What are the qualities she best admires in him? After mulling this for a while she declares without hesitation, "He's a good listener. Even nonsense things that I gibber off to him he listens to. And when I think he's really not listening he really is. I just wish we could spend more time with each other."

What is the chemistry they share? Can she describe it? Is it possible? According to Neelam, her upbringing has played an important role as is his. Neelam hails from an upper middle-class background. "We are three sisters, and we are an orthodox Gujarati family and the only advice my mother told me when I was younger was to find a career, whatever I wanted to do, but most importantly the most important decision of my life was to find a good man. And what she meant by that was not someone that was too monied, although money is important, but someone that would care and look after me and most importantly loves me more than I love him." She stops and then divulges, "Though I think as women, we tend to love our husbands unconditionally."

What if she heard murmurings of another woman especially since Ronit is devilishly handsome, and extremely charming? She pauses for a moment, "I hope and pray the same emotion should be inside me as I feel today. I am committed to my husband. My inner knowing says that day will not happen. Ronit will not disappoint me."

On a lighter note, what is the best day she has cherished with Ronit? "I think it was a holiday to Venice. We both were on the Gondola and Ronit started to serenade me with Hindi songs amidst the sonnets of the violinist."

She continues, "Each day we squeeze time to be together. When he's not filming we like to spend time with the children, having a quiet dinner, or just reading and holding hands. When he is filming I make it a point to send him a tiffin for his mid-day break each day. I instigate our off time. If I know he has a couple of days break coming up we plan to slip away even to Lonavala. I think we both need to rejuvenate."

Both Neelam and Ronit believe a healthy spirit starts with the body and they both workout at the Gym. "I believe it's important to workout and if Ronit is working out, I try to do the same. Our mantra is have healthy foods. We enjoy vegetables and pasta, also nice and spicy Maharastrian cuisine. We also try to pray together. He has a wonderful character and I think it's because of his strong belief in God," she says. Currently Ronit can be viewed on the Channel 9X as Bhishma in Balaja's epic Mahabharata.

Favourite restaurant
Spice at the Marriott.

Favourite bedroom line
Sleep well and sweet dreams.

Most memorable moment
The trip before we got married. We went to Goa. I had specially planned this for his birthday. It was a surprise and he had not clue. This is history because it happened almost six years earlier.

Challenges and triumph
His fan following. We love his fans. We need his fans.

On love
Ronit. Love is Ronit and my life is Ronit.

Lust
Definitely Ronit.

Greed
Something that doesn't excite me.

Jealousy
One of the emotions of humans. Though Ronit and I are not of that way. I have never wished I could have a body like someone etc... I admire people and think 'Wow! Fantastic!' but nothing with a bad thought.

Envy
Laugh it off

Rohini Bhatia-Singh

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

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August 22, 2008 in Celebrity Talk | Permalink

Should 'Saali' Become 'Gharwaali'?

Should 'Saali' Become 'Gharwaali'? What happens when the almost-wife goes on to actually become the wife?

Should 'Saali' Become 'Gharwaali'? For those of you who aren't so well versed in the Hindi language, 'saali ' means sister-in-law (wife's sister) and 'gharwaali ' means wife. There is a Hindi saying which goes something like ''saali aadhi gharwaali ''. If one were to take this saying in all seriousness it would mean that a man's wife's sister is like a half-wife to him.

But what happens when the almost-wife goes on to actually become the wife? Is it morally acceptable to marry your wife's sister? Would such a relationship even work?

Avinash and Richa had an arranged marriage. They were together for two years, but despite their best efforts they could not make their marriage work. Thus, the two got divorced but still remained friends.

A few months later Avinash realized that he was in love with another woman called Natasha and wanted to marry her. But the dilemma here was that Natasha was his wife's sister! And Avinash wasn't sure whether it was ok to marry his wife's sister after divorcing his wife.

As for Natasha, she too was extremely fond of Avinash and things could have gotten a lot more serious only if given the chance. But since Avinash had been married to her own sister, Natasha did not allow her feelings to flourish and rejected his advances. Richa wondered whether her own sister was the reason her husband had divorced her and that put a huge strain on the relationship between the two sisters.

So, is it alright for a man to marry his wife's sister after divorcing his wife?

Here's what Dr. Nitin Tandon, a leading marriage and relationship counsellor, has to say: ''Legally speaking, there is no reason why a man cannot marry his saali if he and his wife are divorced. Genetically speaking too, such a relationship would not be considered incestuous as a man does not have any blood relation with his sister-in-law. However, morally speaking it may be a different matter altogether.''

Society today does not really accept such a relationship and in fact most people think of the mere idea of a man getting married to his saali as quite unacceptable. Then there is also the question of whether such a marriage would hold up under the strain of the 'stigma' that would invariably be attached to it. As for the relationship between the two sisters, it is fair to say that the cracks would be hard (if not impossible) to repair. So, all things considered, a man marrying his saali seems like a bad idea all around.

Yes, if the circumstances were different... For instance, the man was widowed and was marrying his saali after the death of his wife; then such a relationship would not have all the societal stigma and moral issues attached to it and could work well. In fact, if small children are involved, the saali could turn out to be the best step mother for them considering they are her sister's children and she has blood ties with them. (Remember Hum Aapke Hain Kaun?)

So what it all boils down to is this - whether or not a saali should become a gharwaali depends on the circumstances surrounding such a relationship and also on the people involved.

Yes, society may not like the fact that a man is marrying his saali after divorcing his wife, but if the man does not care about dogma and moral policing, and if the couple feel that they can make their marriage work, then there really is no reason why they should not be together.

What do you think?

Ruchi Agarwal

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

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August 22, 2008 in Relationship Issues | Permalink

Inspired Gifts For Bridesmaids

Inspired Gifts For Bridesmaids Buying gifts for the bridesmaids can be expensive but if you get it right it's a small price to pay for...

Inspired Gifts For Bridesmaids Buying gifts for the bridesmaids can be an extremely daunting affair. Bridesmaids are few of the most important women in your life because they are the people you have chosen to stand with on your wedding day. You can show your appreciation by giving them a well chosen bridesmaid's gift.

The choice of the gift depends completely on your priorities. Some people chose to spend thousands of Rupees while some tend to stick to gifts, which maybe inexpensive yet time consuming. What would then, be the ideal gift? To this question there is no right answer -You can do what you feel is right. You can also choose to buy everyone the same gift or you can buy personalized gifts. Either ways the gift should be such that it leaves everyone smiling.

Inspired Gifts For Bridesmaids A good idea is to buy accessories for the wedding day, which they can wear on that day and use later on. A necklace with a center stone that matches the dress or earrings make good options. If the wedding is to take place on a chilly December night a pretty shawl can do the trick. In some cultures it's customary to give the bridesmaids a wedding day attire or particular jewel such as rings. In such a case its best to stick to tradition but you can of course add a personalized gift to the traditional one.

If your wedding is to take place at a particular destination such as a beach, go with something theme related like a beach towel and a great beach bag. A beautiful coffee table book about the destination would be a welcome surprise. A gift bag full of goodies is also a super idea.

If the bridesmaids are very young, a personalized gift such as a music player would win you their favour. A personalized album or frame with photos of the wedding can also be a good gift. You can also buy them CDs of their favourite music. Gifts of this kind will always bring back good memories.

Inspired Gifts For Bridesmaids If you're of the type who thinks that a self made gift says more than a bought gift you can gift them a self made scarf, candles and bracelets. While DIY gifts are certainly more affordable, they require a lot of effort. Also, please only opt for DIY gifts if you are really good at making something. Amateur pottery or paintings are a big no-no!

You can also pamper them by gifts such as basket full of lotions, soaps. A manicure set, a spa gift certificate, a make up kit can also leave them beaming. Of course one can never go wrong with a box of dark chocolates and bottle of vintage wine.

Buying gifts for the bridesmaids can be expensive and nerve wracking. But if you get it right it's a small price to pay for the happiness of women who are so important to you.

Kavita Harlalka

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

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August 22, 2008 in Celebration | Permalink

When Your Spouse Is A Degree Better...

When Your Spouse Is A Degree Better... Why are people often so fixated on just the educational degrees of the prospective partner?

When Your Spouse Is A Degree Better... Monai, hailing from a lower middle-class family, had to drop out of school because of undetected dyslexia. The women in her family went on to complete school and some even graduated from college.

While the women in Monai's family went on to do academic jobs, Monai joined a leather factory. Monai has now reached marriageable age and is looking for a life partner. Prospective grooms are often impressed by Monai's picture and family background. But when they get to know that she hasn't completed school they often withdraw interest.

There are very few people who can appreciate all the other attributes that Monai has - she is a talented cook and very creative with handiwork. And though she completed Class X, she is an intelligent and logical thinker.

Can education be measured by mere academic degrees?

Unfortunately people often seem to measure intelligence with the attainment of educational degrees. It is often assumed that the higher the educational qualification, greater the intelligence. This may not always be true.

After all Nobel Laureate Rabindranath Tagore never completed school; yet his poetry, short stories and novels are taught in schools and colleges. Mughal Emperor Akbar though illiterate was an architect, artisan, artist, blacksmith, carpenter, emperor, engineer, general, inventor, animal trainer, technologist and theologian. And let's not forget that Bill Gates is a Harvard dropout!

So why are people often so fixated on just the formal educational degrees of the prospective partner?

Joydeep and Bani Dutta (names changed) while looking for a match for their son actually insisted that the prospective bride's mark sheets and report cards be photocopied and sent to them along with her horoscope. They advertised for an 'academically brilliant' bride and wanted to ensure that the bride's family wasn't lying about her academic performance.

Yet they said that their daughter-in-law was strictly not allowed to work. The reason they gave was, "A bride who was good in studies adds to family prestige. But if women work who will look after the household? They should make use of their education to teach their children instead. After all the husband who is working can't be expected to help with the children's homework."

Talking to the Duttas it seems that they insisted on a highly educated bride not because of reasons of emotional compatibility but just for ornamentation purposes. They never wanted to know what the prospective bride's hobbies, dreams, aspirations, likes and dislikes were.

How important is education in marital compatibility?

Ted from the U.S. says, "When I married my wife, there was a considerable difference in the level of education between us. However, this was not based on ability to learn but on her opportunity for education. Our marriage rests on a mutual understanding of more basic human qualities. I was able to let her go to college, which she did, with considerable success.

This does not mean there are no problems - her field is very different from mine. So we have very little in common, professionally, to talk about, which I do miss, and I guess she does as well. It is important to have that common basis of human quality and values that underlie everything else." Kudos to Ted for being so encouraging and supportive of his wife and helping her to study further.

In Indian society, if the wife is more educated than the husband, it may result in the husband suffering from an inferiority complex. Psychologist Dr.Rupa Kapadia says, "Sunil (not so educated) married to Sushma (highly educated) were having a difficult time because Sunil was insecure that Sushma would be the dominant partner. Consequently he started aggressively finding fault with her cooking to make his wife feel low. I worked with Sunil to make him secure with whatever education he had. Once he felt secure, he got over his insecurity and stopped finding faults with her."

American Psychologist Carl Rogers said, "The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change." So no matter what your educational degrees may be, if you open to learning and changing throughout your married life, your marriage will surely be a long and happy one.

So, would you marry a man less educated than you / a woman more educated than you?

Pallavi Bhattacharya

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

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August 22, 2008 in In Focus | Permalink

Home Remedies For Scars

Home Remedies For Scars Glowing complexion comes with a healthy lifestyle, good diet and mental relaxation.

Dr. Jamuna Pai
Leading cosmetologist who runs her own cosmetic clinics in Mumbai.
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Brittle Nails

Preeti asks,
I had a medical problem 10 yrs back. After treating it my nails have become very brittle, dry and have developed vertical and horizontal lines. The growth is extremely poor and it chips off often. My hemoglobin is 12 and I have been taking Vitamins for last 10 yrs. Can I restore my nail strength once again?
Dear Preeti,
Brittle nails are quite a common problem. Take a high protein diet like cereals, pulses, soya, milk and milk products. Internally take Biotin capsule, anti-oxidant and calcium once a day for 3 months.

Adverse Effect Skin Lightening

Preeya asks,
I am undergoing laser hair removal treatments for my facial hair, and have had two sessions so far. My doctor says that I refrain from using skin-lightening creams during the entire period. My skin has darkened despite the regular sunblocks, so I want to go back using my skin lightening creams again. Why do you think my doctor said I shouldn't use it? My skin had no problems with those creams in the first place!
Dear Preeya,
All skin lightening creams make the skin sensitive to the ultraviolet rays. Also Laser hair removal makes the skin very sensitive, hence it is usually advisable to avoid using these creams whilst on Laser treatment.

Black Scars

Satish S asks,
My home state is Karnataka and I am presently working in Navi Mumbai. I have black scars, patches on my face. My face is always oily. I would appreciate it if you give some remedial measures for it as I am going to marry soon.
Dear Satish S,
Since you have oily skin use a face wash meant for oily skin 2-3 times a day. Use multani mitti pack once / twice a week depending on the oiliness. Use moisturizers which are oil free / oil control. Use a good sunblock (SPF 30 or above) 2-3 times a day. Also consult a dermatologist to rule out any hormonal imbalance.
For black scars and patches there are a variety of treatments like microdermabrasion, fruit acid peels. 4-6 sittings are required at an interval of 4-6 weeks to get the desired results. They act by peeling the top layers of skin and thus give a lightening effect. You can use creams containing Vitamin C, Kojic acid, Hydroquinone at night to get the lightening effect.

Hormonal Imbalance

Sana asks,
I have very oily skin and it tans frequently as well - you can say just in seconds. I have used every branded and expensive sunblocks but the results are always nil. Please help me in this regard because my complexion by birth was milky white and now it's so dark. One more problem is that from the last few years the area near my nails on both hands and feet are getting so dark that it actually looks black and very abnormal as compared to my fair skin.
Dear Sana,
One's complexion is genetically determined but of course, you have to take good care of it. Use a good sunscreen of SPF 20 or above to avoid tanning. Use a good moisturizing cream at night. Glowing complexion comes with a healthy lifestyle, good balanced diet, plenty of water, exercise and mental relaxation. You can use some home made packs made of cucumber, almonds, honey, oats and lemon daily. Grind to a paste and apply it on the face. Wash with circular movements after 1/2 an hour.

Areas around the nails on both hands and feet looks dark especially in case of hormonal imbalance hence can be lightened to a certain extent. Creams containing Kojic acid, Vitamin C, Hydroquinone when applied at night help in giving the lightening effect.

Pimple Prone Skin

Adhya asks,
I have dull, medium toned skin which has been considerably sun tanned. I can't use oily creams because in such cases I have eruptions and pimples. Fortunately I don't have acne scars. Please suggest a remedy for fair, glowing complexion.
Dear Adhya,
Since you have oily and pimple prone skin, wash your face with a soap-free face wash once or twice a day. Use an oil- free moisturizer which helps in moisturizing the skin and at the same time doesn't aggravate pimples. Deworming once in 6 months helps in cleansing the system. Use a medicated anti-dandruff shampoo once a week. Glowing complexion comes with a healthy lifestyle, good balanced diet, plenty of water, exercise and mental relaxation. Locally use anti-acne creams like adaphalene, erythromycin, and clindamycin gel once at night.

Dr. Jamuna Pai will answer your queries. Ask now!

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

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