Do Your Funny Bones Match?

Humour doesn't mean funny. It actually means a 'state of mind' or 'inclination.

Rule of thumb - Don't make fun of your beau

You may never have thought of it, but it's important for couples to share a sense of humour.

Most people relate 'humour' to 'funny'. So anything humorous becomes a funny issue. Never something sad.

However, in Sheena's case, misplaced humour turned out to be the cause for her broken engagement.

When humour caused disaster...

The whole idea of her sense of humour being the leading reason for her ex-fiancée Vinod to break up with her came across as so incredulous that it took a long time to sink in.

Sitting sobbing by the side of her best friend, she shared her story in an attempt to make sense of the sorry turn of events - ''When we sat with a counsellor,'' she said ''Vinod almost spewed fire. He spoke of how sarky I was and said I had no consideration for his feelings. I can't believe this is the same guy who proposed to me so lovingly just eight months ago.''

Sheena thought Vinod had no funny bone and was just not appreciative of her witty humour and attempts to lighten things up.

Do you understand the meaning of humour?

''He's too serious'' she lamented.

Was Sheena right, or has she misunderstood the very essence of the word 'humour' and more, the role it plays in our lives?

Her friend thought so, and tried to point out where she believed Sheena had gone wrong. ''Humour, my dear, doesn't mean funny. It actually means a 'state of mind' or 'inclination'. Apply that to funny and it means that we all have our own perception of what we think is laughable. So - while your approach to humour is to mock whatever you think is beneath you, Vinod prefers more innocent slapstick humour directed at none in particular'' she explained.

"That's not all. You are in your mid-thirties, very much a woman of the world, financially independent, socially secure and confident of your looks. Your success has made you somewhat sarcastic when you comment on laggards in either the work sphere, or those with a poor fashion sense or in their body shape or whatever. And since these comments form the bulk of the jokes you make, and Vinod is not doing as well as you are, he grew to feel intimidated by you" she added.

Rule of thumb - Don't make fun of your beau

"But I've never thought of Vinod as a loser. He is doing well for himself. And my jokes are clever - all my friends say so," interjected Sheena.

"True. Yet he began wondering what would happen ten years down the line, if the gap between your success and his grew still further. He'd be the constant butt of your jokes. And as for your jokes, they may be witty, but they also border on being sarky. It's just that unlike family members or would-be family, your close friends never feel any pressure to compete with you. But Vinod probably threw his hands up because he realized he had let himself in for a lifetime of subjugation," opined her friend.

Humour your man/woman

As Sheena introspected over the next few weeks, she realized this was true. She was over-confident and probably, had not realized that Vinod was overly sensitive. She wished that he had cautioned her, or even told her to lay off making fun of him, but as her friend pointed out - "Humour also means to 'indulge someone'. When you are in a relationship, this means understanding what gives each other happiness and offering that. It doesn't mean to make fun of your partner. This may sound hurtful, but you probably did the opposite of that and scared away Vinod."

Although Sheena rued her misjudgement of the situation, she appreciated the need for a couple to share a sense of humour all the more. "My jokes must have really put off Vinod," she mused. "Vinod is a kindly soul, slower than me but more loving. More the Tom & Jerry or Charlie Chaplin humour kind!"

In other words, Sheena had learnt a valuable lesson - not to laugh at anyone else's expense, as this may be hurtful to the target. In her case, it cost her, her fiancée and caused her a lot of heartache.

Nevertheless, her never-say-die attitude has made her thankful to have understood where she went wrong. "Next time, I'll be more considerate of my partner," she says.

Charu Bahri

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

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Take Me As I Am?

Take me as I am' or 'You inspire me to be a better person' - which approach works better?

'Take me as I am' or 'You inspire me to be a better person' - which approach works better in a relationship?

It is said that your best relationships are those that bring out the best in you. Take that a notch higher and it would mean - those relationships that inspire you to be a better person.

Yet as we know, the longevity of friendships, which are genuine heartfelt commitments, is often attributed to the fact that we can be ourselves in the company of friends, with no strings attached to behave in a certain (read 'goody good') manner.

If you put together these two very real observations, it seems to suggest that our friendships can't be counted as the best relationships we enjoy. But this isn't true.

The way of friends

'Accept me for what I am' - is an unspoken condition we send out when interacting with a potential friend. And yet, when minds click and a friendship blossoms, we become open to accepting constructive criticism, albeit delivered in fancy wrapping, from our friends.

''My best friends are not only my confidantes because I know they love me for what I am, but also because they listen to my familial or work problems impartially and dole out good suggestions,'' says Nina. Suggestions, she explains that often propose she behave (or not) in a certain fashion. ''It's just that they don't expect me to do or not do certain things, so being in their company is a pleasure as it takes a huge load of living up to expectations off my mind,'' she adds.

This brings us to ask - aren't partners ideally meant to be friends first and lovers only thereafter? If so, shouldn't a partner adopt the same attitude towards a friend-cum-lover?

A give and take relationship

''My hubby is the best because he accepts me as I am, and encourages me to follow my dreams,'' shares Sneha.

Two years back, Sneha launched a drive to collect funds to start a charity to rehabilitate street children. She has no kids of her own. She doesn't want any. While Mahesh and she had agreed on this subject before they married, Sneha never imagined that she would have the freedom to pursue her dream. Not because she was uncertain of Mahesh's appreciation for her idea, but simply because she worked as a software programmer and they needed two incomes to run their household.

But after a few promotions and salary raises, as soon as Mahesh felt that he could provide for all their needs as well as set aside some money as savings, he suggested Sneha get cracking on her dream.

Inspire good behaviour

The impact of Mahesh's magnanimous behaviour on Sneha is interesting - "He makes me want to do things for him, even if it's changing my habits that irritate him, simply because he has given me so much happiness. It's a give and take relationship, I guess," she says.

A relationship based on give and take is what a twosome really is. In fact, if like friends, partners can offer their spouses the space to be themselves and evolve at their own pace and in their own way, then the likelihood of inspiring their best behaviour in return is very high.

But the crux lies in first giving and then receiving! It doesn't work the other way around. Even in friendships, friends accept each other as they are, and only much later when the friendship is well entrenched in their minds and hearts, do they venture suggestions, and that too, if and only if asked.

Patience pays, as does love and understanding

In order for your relationship to grow in the right direction, you need patience and love to accept your partner as he or she is. Unlike Nitin, you shouldn't try and change your wife as soon as you discover her first flaw post marriage!

Nitin believed Vandana had it in her to hold a higher position at work, so he wanted her to be more aggressive in her office.

But that just wasn't the kind of person Vandana was. And Nitin's constant prompts for her to be forceful were very irritating. "Gosh, why can't you just let me be? I don't like being aggressive as I know I will get credit for my good work sooner or later," she'd snap back. Then not wanting to seem rude, she'd plead, "All in good time, Nitin, there is no point in rushing my promotion. Please have patience."

All in good time - yes, that is what Nitin and many other husbands and wives need to learn. In good time, you'll hopefully be able to inspire each other. Until then, enjoy your partner as s/he is, quirks included!

Charu Bahri

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

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Should 'Saali' Become 'Gharwaali'?

What happens when the almost-wife goes on to actually become the wife?

For those of you who aren't so well versed in the Hindi language, 'saali ' means sister-in-law (wife's sister) and 'gharwaali ' means wife. There is a Hindi saying which goes something like ''saali aadhi gharwaali ''. If one were to take this saying in all seriousness it would mean that a man's wife's sister is like a half-wife to him.

But what happens when the almost-wife goes on to actually become the wife? Is it morally acceptable to marry your wife's sister? Would such a relationship even work?

Avinash and Richa had an arranged marriage. They were together for two years, but despite their best efforts they could not make their marriage work. Thus, the two got divorced but still remained friends.

A few months later Avinash realized that he was in love with another woman called Natasha and wanted to marry her. But the dilemma here was that Natasha was his wife's sister! And Avinash wasn't sure whether it was ok to marry his wife's sister after divorcing his wife.

As for Natasha, she too was extremely fond of Avinash and things could have gotten a lot more serious only if given the chance. But since Avinash had been married to her own sister, Natasha did not allow her feelings to flourish and rejected his advances. Richa wondered whether her own sister was the reason her husband had divorced her and that put a huge strain on the relationship between the two sisters.

So, is it alright for a man to marry his wife's sister after divorcing his wife?

Here's what Dr. Nitin Tandon, a leading marriage and relationship counsellor, has to say: ''Legally speaking, there is no reason why a man cannot marry his saali if he and his wife are divorced. Genetically speaking too, such a relationship would not be considered incestuous as a man does not have any blood relation with his sister-in-law. However, morally speaking it may be a different matter altogether.''

Society today does not really accept such a relationship and in fact most people think of the mere idea of a man getting married to his saali as quite unacceptable. Then there is also the question of whether such a marriage would hold up under the strain of the 'stigma' that would invariably be attached to it. As for the relationship between the two sisters, it is fair to say that the cracks would be hard (if not impossible) to repair. So, all things considered, a man marrying his saali seems like a bad idea all around.

Yes, if the circumstances were different... For instance, the man was widowed and was marrying his saali after the death of his wife; then such a relationship would not have all the societal stigma and moral issues attached to it and could work well. In fact, if small children are involved, the saali could turn out to be the best step mother for them considering they are her sister's children and she has blood ties with them. (Remember Hum Aapke Hain Kaun?)

So what it all boils down to is this - whether or not a saali should become a gharwaali depends on the circumstances surrounding such a relationship and also on the people involved.

Yes, society may not like the fact that a man is marrying his saali after divorcing his wife, but if the man does not care about dogma and moral policing, and if the couple feel that they can make their marriage work, then there really is no reason why they should not be together.

What do you think?

Ruchi Agarwal

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

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8 Sticky Situations You NEVER Want To Be In

Here are some sticky situation and solutions to deal with them!

All of us have the knack of putting our foot in the mouth at the worst possible time ever. It's a rare person who doesn't get stuck in situations that they really don't want to be in. Ya ya, we all know the spiel about making lemonade with life's lemons, but that's not always possible is it?

8 Sticky Situations You NEVER Want To Be In

Whether its crossing your signals about where and when to meet or running around from shop to shop looking for change - there are some situations where it's really difficult to make the best of what is.

However, no matter how difficult or embarrassing the situation is, smart people know that the only way to get beyond it is to get through it. Some of the most complex problems in life have the simplest solutions. But then again as Voltaire said it ''common sense is not so common.''

So here are 8 awkward situations you NEVER want to be in. But if you are, then how to deal with them!

Kavita Harlalka

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

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Adopting A Child Without Cause...

If one is told that a child is adopted, its instantly assume that the child's parents were unsuccessful in having a kid.

Dr. Timothy Jonahs and his wife were happily married with two adorable sons of 12 and 10. They however always wished for a bonny daughter. One day a school girl delivered a beautiful baby girl in the hospital where Dr.Jonahs worked and put her up for adoption.

When Dr. Jonahs came home and told his wife about the baby, her instant reaction was, ''Let's take her.'' As the baby was born premature and was underweight, her husband was initially cautious and wanted to wait to see whether the baby would live. When his wife saw the baby two days later it was love at first sight. The Jonahs family not only nursed the premature baby back to health but adopted her giving her a loving and caring home.

Now their adopted daughter Sangeeta is a talented girl of nineteen years. She is a student of Digital Arts, sings divinely, plays the piano, is active in church activities, draws and paints beautifully and has brought life and joy in the Jonahs household with her presence.

The moment one is told that a child is adopted; most people instantly assume that the child's parents were unsuccessful in having a biological child. Then when older biological children of the family are introduced, they think, "Why did they adopt when they already had a child of their own?"

Foreign celebrities like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are not the only couples who adopt despite having biological kids. Indeed non-celebrity Indian couples are nowadays adopting for reasons other than infertility, which may be as follows:

• To give an underprivileged or special child a loving and caring home.
• Some couples feel that the best way to have a family of two children of different genders without needlessly adding to the world's population is by having a biological child first and then adopting a child of the opposite gender.
• Maybe the parents are the carriers of some hereditary disease like thalassemia or haemophilia. They've already had a biological child risking that the child may inherit the disease. They want to complete a family without risking the health of their future child. They therefore opt for adoption instead of conceiving a child.

Pressurizing your spouse to adopt a child is wrong...

Both the parents must be genuinely willing to adopt a child. Adoption houses will interview both the parents jointly and separately on their motive for adoption. They, having years of experience, may easily make out if one of the parents is half-heartedly adopting. In fact adoption houses want to ensure that there is support from extended family members too.

The procedure of adoption:

Adoptions in India mainly take place through adoption agencies. The adoption agency will take a series of interviews of the prospective adoptive parents, relatives and even your friends, family physician or priest if deemed necessary. To ascertain whether you'll be able to give the child a loving and caring home the adoption agency will undertake a home study. Your home environment and the quality of your marriage will be carefully studied. You will be denied adoption if it's found that you have a dysfunctional home.

If found eligible for adoption, the social workers of the agency will choose a child who they think is suitable for you. Information like the age, health details and social background of the child will be shared with you before showing you a child. Instead of being taken to a nursery full of children the adoption agency will show you one child at a time.

Preparing your biological child to accept your adopted child...

You need to talk to your biological child before adopting. After all, he / she needs to whole-heartedly accept the adopted child as his / her own brother or sister. If your biological child is totally unprepared for this, he / she may feel resentful and jealous of this new family member giving rise to bitter sibling rivalry.

The importance of telling the child that he / she is adopted...

It is detrimental to withhold from the child that he/ she is adopted. Many couples unfortunately lack the courage to tell their adopted child the truth. If the child finds out from other sources that he / she is adopted he / she may feel extremely betrayed, undergo an identity crisis and frantically try to search for his / her birth parents.

Adoption is about loving. The cause for adoption can be the inability to birth children or simply the willingness to open one's heart to children who need loving. In either case, it is one of those rare situations that are win-win for everyone involved.

Pallavi Bhattacharya

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

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Time n Again

Are men pre-disposed to cheat? But gals the bottom line is: two-timers love you. In a good way. Have you ever two-timed anyone?

Have you ever two-timed anyone?

It's been argued over and over again that humans are animals and thus not monogamous by nature. It's a girl's biggest nightmare finding out if her lover is cheating on her. Are men pre-disposed to cheat? But gals the bottom line is: two-timers love you. In a good way. So ladies, if you're reading this, and you have caught your man two-timing, remember: he's doing it because he loves you!

On the occasion of its 2nd anniversary we asked this very interesting question to some of our male celebs and here are their even more interesting answers.

Ashmit Patel:
Yes, one such incident happened when I was in school. But I don't think it will be fair to call it two-timing because I was a teenager then and those days were full of infatuation. I had many crushes during that time and would get attracted to many girls. Two girls from my class liked me a lot and the interesting thing here is that they were sisters. I was also attracted to both of them. I had two beautiful options in front of me. But I was unable to decide whom to choose. It was a major dilemma. I knew that if I chose one it would break the other's heart. This went on for a year and a half but finally the very thought of breaking one of those two hearts never made me decide. At last I said no to both of them and heaved a sigh of relief.


Jackie Shroff:
No, I never two-timed in my life. I went through three relationships in my life and I got married after the last one. Though my first affair was a very serious one too. I was fresh out of school. But I didn't have any employment and hence I lost out on the very first relationship of my life.



Aman Verma
We see many people tangled between two relationships at the same time. And not just youngsters but also middle- aged and senior people struggling with dual relationships. I too was in one such relationship. I had just crossed my teens. At that age, you don't love just 2 girls at a time but even 20 girls! It definitely happened to me though I am not going to divulge the details and all I can say is that I got over it with time.


Gaurav Gera:
Today when I remember that incident, I feel really bad about what I did. I shouldn't have done that. I was in the 2nd year of my college in Delhi when I came across two girls in my class. They were siblings. I got attracted to both of them. They were magical moments and I couldn't stop myself. I two-timed them. The adventure and excitement of those days was something absolutely different. My friends looked at me with appreciation. They were amazed how I could manage to keep a relationship with two girls at the same time and that too over the fact that they were real sisters. Anyways, this continued for 8-9 months but none of the two got the slightest hint of it. I don't know if they came to know about it after college.

Rekha Khan

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

The balancing act

For the world at large, you may be an inseparable couple, but you know that you can't stand the sight of each other. How can you ensure that things do not come to such a pass?

On the surface of it, most couples in our country stay married long enough for it to seem forever. As a couple, you may squabble, vehemently disagree, and at some point of time in your relationship, even hate each other. Yet, for all practical purposes, it seems that you form an inseparable bond that an outsider cannot break in. For you the bond may be flimsy, but to the world at large, once married you pose a united front.

Ideally speaking, marriage is the strongest bond any person can have with another. It is supposed to transcend most blood relations even, because a husband and wife is the fundamental unit of a family, after all. A husband and wife's relationship is between two equals, as it were, unlike the equation between parents and children. No marriage is smooth sailing; there are ups and downs. A couple goes through thick and thin together, true to the marriage vows they take. And how a couple sails through this troubled waters is the true test of their bond.

Telepathy or antipathy?
It is said that the bond of marriage is such that couples married long enough and who are close enough even begin to look alike! They can pre-empt the other's next move or speech with an accuracy that is astounding. They almost become telepathic. "Very often, she snatches words out of my mouth. I am hopeless at remembering people's names, and she is fabulous at it," says Kiran of his wife, Usha's ability to complement his half-uttered sentences.

Sunanda and Arun have been married for 14 years. He is the 'silent' type who goes about his schedule stoically. "If he is watching a cricket match on television, nothing I say is going to make him switch it off and pay attention to me. Sometimes I wonder if he is listening at all," complains Sunanda. His nonchalance gets her into a sparring mood, but her husband doesn't take her on, he only shields her assault with silence! "All my anger is futile, I may sulk, bang doors, but he just continues to watch. By the time the match is over, my anger has blown over and I am calm again. Yet, if you ask me who my best friend is, I will unflinchingly say it is Arun. No relationship is as mature as ours."

Emotional space
Psychiatrist and marriage counselor, Dr. Vijay Nagaswami says: "As long as both partners realise and respect each other's need for private emotional space the relationship will work. One way of defining private emotional space is to look at all the things the couple disagrees with. If they then agree to disagree for the time being, then these points of disagreement constitute their private emotional space. As years progress, if the couple gets it right, then this space will reduce rather than widen."

'My' time out
Sometimes, just sometimes, Anushka feels the urge to be alone, away from the pressures of marriage, family matters, and daily chores. "I just want to put my feet up and be pampered, instead of doing all the pampering all the time." What does her husband has to say to that, we wonder. "I tried broaching the subject with Arun once. I was not entirely clear with what I wanted. He thought I wanted out of the marriage and felt hurt. All I wanted was some space to be me." Anushka admits to feeling frustrated that at times her husband behaves as though her needs and wants do not matter at all - not to him, not to the family.

This 'me' time is a very important aspect for a relationship to grow healthy. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be alone, to request some space that allows no scope for family pressures to come in.

Communication gap
Being a doctor, Badri is away from his wife a lot, as he keeps erratic hours. Being an orthopedic surgeon, he often has to report for emergencies in the middle of the night. Wife Akhila does not seem to appreciate that, as a result their relationship is going downhill. "Sometimes I wonder if I should even bother telling Akhila about my concerns, my worries and my failures. I feel she might not understand, so I keep it all to myself," Badri shrugs as though he doesn't care. There was a time though, when Badri had spent precious time in wooing hard-to-get, next-door neighbour, Akhila! His wife rues the loss of those moments, "If only he would talk to me like he used to, I would understand him better."

Dr. Nagaswami feels: "If you are debating whether you should tell your partner about something or not, then maybe you should. If it were an inconsequential matter, you wouldn't even be thinking about it. If it is something that has made an emotional impact on you, then sharing it with your partner would certainly be a desirable thing to do. For whatever humiliation or embarrassment you experience, the two of you can deal with it together, provided you have configured your marriage to a mutually-supportive and non-judgmental one."

Talk to save marriage
We do see many very-much-in-love couples falling out of favour with each other - couples who once swore undying love to each other now staying under a single roof, 'for the sake of society' or for kids. What happens then? "If you become sworn enemies, seek professional help. Believe me, resolving this state is not as difficult as you may think and a good therapist will be able to help you tweak your relationship so that you can become friends again. So that you can learn to listen to each other and talk to each other, rather than at each other," Dr. Nagaswami advises.

Ameeta Agnihotri

Content Courtesy ShaadiTimes

Money management for newly weds

Money management for newly weds.
You've just been married and are back from your honeymoon. As you settle down to a new life you'll talk about your dream home, your career, planning your family and other dreams. Very rarely do couples discuss money, although it is a vital issue even for day-to-day living. An important element of a successful marriage is the ability to handle money together. Money is a resource, which gives you, varied choices to live your life.

You've just been married and are back from your honeymoon. As you settle down to a new life you'll talk about your dream home, your career, planning your family and other dreams. Very rarely do couples discuss money, although it is a vital issue even for day-to-day living. An important element of a successful marriage is the ability to handle money together. Money is a resource, which gives you, varied choices to live your life.

The reason why couples squabble over money is largely due to their different perspectives on money. Once this underlying principle is understood couples will be able to form a sound financial foundation. Couples should understand that even with a modest income they could live comfortably and free from consumer debt as long as they handle money responsibly and live within their means.

• Talk about money
  Find out what each of you feels about money. What does money mean to each of you? Are you the saving kind or the spending kind? What constitutes a major purchase to each of you? Discuss about your future goals and their financial implication, like going in for higher studies, buying a home, career changes, relocation, starting a family etc.
  
  
• Making a commitment towards spending goals
  Once you've decided what your financial plan is, you will have to make a strict commitment towards achieving these goals. For this, you may have to make some adjustments to your spending habits. A commitment to goals and a sound financial plan is a must.
  
  
• Managing daily finances
  After setting long-term and short-term goals, the couple should make plans to achieve these goals. The best way to achieve this is to draw up a budget allowing for regular expenses and providing a cushion for unexpected expenses. Keep track of your budget and check where your money goes, Make a note of every amount spent and go through your spending weekly or monthly. Ascertain that your spouse too makes a habit of this. Once you've made a note of this you'll be able to list your weak spots. Your partner and you can then sit down and consciously make an effort to reduce unnecessary spending.
  
  
• Bank accounts
  You can opt to continue having separate accounts or can have a joint account or a combination of both. Remember to update your old accounts with your name change if you are going to retain it.
  
  
• Future savings and investments
  Saving at least a little each month is an absolute must in order to safeguard your future. No matter how much or how little you earn, discipline yourself to set aside a portion of your income each month for savings. If both are working, you can see that you save and prudently invest one partner's earnings. In case you or your partner has debts, your first priority should be to clear off the debt. Don't let interest pile up.
  
  
• Credit cards
  Review your credit card accounts and make necessary name changes. Reduce spending on your credit cards and always keep track. Instead of having a number of credit cards you can retain just one or two, so that it will be easier to keep track. You can also cut down on unnecessary maintenance costs.
  
  
• Changing important documents
  Make necessary name changes in all important documents. Check out your health, auto and life insurance policies. Change the marital status as well as the beneficiary in all your deposits, mutual funds and other savings and investments. You can include your spouse as a dependent in various plans.
  
  

The above tips are just the start of your financial planning together. Remember that financial planning is not a dull and dry exercise but one which will let you live life fully and help you fulfil your dreams as a couple.

Geetha Dasarathy

Are you ready for marriage?

Are you ready for marriage?
Is getting married right for you? What do you need to know about your partner before you walk down the aisle? It all begins with a search for the right spouse. There are so many expectations to match.

Are you ready for marriage?

Is getting married right for you? What do you need to know about your partner before you walk down the aisle? It all begins with a search for the right spouse. There are so many expectations to match. And so many criteria to be met. If you're thinking of getting married, it's time to ask yourself some questions. Remember, you don't want to just be married; you want to be happily married. In order for a marriage to succeed, we must seriously pause and deliberate and search for answers to some of these fundamental questions by way of introspection which may take us closer to home-truths about ourselves.

Your answers to these five questions can help you.

1. Why are you getting married?
Be honest and evaluate the reasons. Sit down and write a pro/con list about your partner and your relationship. Your list will reveal your true feelings. Don't get married to escape something in your life like loneliness or insecurity. Make marriage a positive move.

2. Do you know and trust your partner's personal history?
The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. How has your partner behaved in past relationships? With you?

3. Do you stand to lose more than you gain?
Look at the cost of your relationship.

If you have to give up your friends, career, or family, the cost is too high. 

Look at the ability to compromise and accommodate each other.

4. Prepared to play the wife or husband role?
Before you get too excited and jump into any marriage, first ask yourself if you are ready to be a wife or husband. Being a spouse is different than being a boyfriend, girlfriend or fiancé. It requires new and more responsibilities and a lot more attention. It's not that you cannot continue to be independent, but you will have to share everything and everyone that is a part of your life if you want to have a trusting and open marriage.

5. Do you respect each other's religious beliefs?
This can be a serious issue later when children come along.

Dumping ground - The two times that you wanted to dump him / her

Rucha Gujrati

In the beginning, the relationship was very exciting. The initial 3-4 years were the wonder days. I was very serious and so was he. But slowly we realised that our acceptance level is declining. We could no more relish certain things about each other, we couldn't compromise any more and hence neither of us was happy. Our relationship had become monotonous.

The first time I wanted to dump him was when I started believing that there could be no more adjustments between us. But the very thought of leaving him was very saddening. In all those years, I had become habitual to his presence in my life. Then I thought that let's give the relationship a new turn. But things went from bad to worse and when the small fights went out of control I thought that it was impossible to live together. Then we mutually decided to part. But I can't tell how much this hurt me. Even today there is a part of my heart that lives that relationship.

Jaya Bhattacharya

I think this happens in every four days or so. There are many such incidences when we fight a lot. But yes, once when I brought a few more pets to our house he told me that I can't bring more pets in the house. I said that if he can't keep my pets in the house then I will go out along with them. I am passionate about pets and many stray dogs have lived like family members with me. Besides this, money matters have caused many fights that lead to such thoughts. I am very careless when it comes to keeping a track of my finances. I can't even give an account of 200 rupees and he often questions my inability to track my finance. This angers me that how dare he ask me for an account of expenses and I think that I don't want to live together anymore.

Akashdeep Sehgal

Not just 2 times but it happens many times when your anger reaches to a point when you think of nothing else but to walk out of a relationship. Though I am not in a relationship since past 2 years but when I look back at the relationships I have been in the past, I think there are times when you are very angry and don't want to hurt yourself more. You feel like leaving your partner then. And it is not necessary that something big has to happen to get hurt or angry... even small things may spark your anger and hurt you. There were times when she would not behave as I would expect her to, times when I would want to stay awake and she would want to sleep or even times when I wanted to spend some time with her but she would be too busy.

Deepshikha

I think such a situation arises when you get over possessive and keep blaming each other for things that don't go right. This happens when we tend to pass the responsibilities to our partner. A relationship becomes suffocating because of over possessiveness and relationships go sour because of blaming each other. In such situations, if you can still go on with your partner then it's fine otherwise what is the point in spoiling a relationship? If not a life partner, you can at least remain good friends. And this can happen when a relationship has not ended bitterly.

-Rekha Khan